Published by Tony at October 31, 2007
So yesterday we were sitting in the Lost Ogle’s luxurious headquarters discussing what the best nicknames are among Oklahoma high schools. Not knowing all of them, we asked one of our interns to do the research. Unfortunately, it turns out we don’t actually have interns, and the guy we asked to do the research was in fact the pizza delivery guy. Oops! No wonder he had such a strange look on his face when bringing Patrick the coffee from the kitchen that he had requested.
So we had to do the research ourselves. It was hours of painstaking, grueling work, but we powered through. And we can tell you this: if we never see another school nicknamed “Bulldogs” or “Tiger,” it will be too soon. There are actually 44 schools in the state named “Tigers” (45 if you count the Talihina Golden Tigers) and 36 schools in the state named “Bulldogs,” (first of which alphabetically is Altus, last of which alphabetically is Yale).
Seriously, where is the originality? We wanted to reward originality and general awesomeness in mascot-picking, so the three of us and two Friends Of The Lost Ogle submitted our Top 10 picks and tallied the results. Here they are; the Top 10 Best Oklahoma High School Nicknames:
10. The Cascia Hall Commandos
Somehow we doubt that the school named their athletic teams after the practice of not wearing any underwear, but we’re going to pretend that they did. It just makes the world seem like a little bit better place.
Continue reading ‘Power Poll: Best Oklahoma High School Nicknames’
Category: Power Poll.
Previously: Gary England assembled the Justice League of Oklahoma to combat a plot to destroy Greer, OK during the Patriots/Cowboys football game.
———–
Location: Just outside of Greer, OK
Val spots Doug and Joe speeding toward him and collapses to the ground from exhaustion. When he catches his breath, he updates them on his efforts:
“I didn’t think you guys were ever going to get here.”
“We don’t have your super storm chaser speed,” retorts Coach Sauter.
“I can’t understand you through your mustache.”
Joe chimes in, “Where do we stand?”
“Well, there was some lowering and bit of a hook echo, so I’ve been running in circles creating counter-cyclonic activity in order to slow it down. I couldn’t have kept it up much longer. I’m going to let you guys do your thing now.”
Paying homage to Craig Humphreys and Mackie McNeer, Sauter and Burton yell out, “Let’s go!” Continue reading ‘Justice League of Oklahoma (Part II)’
Category: Fake News, Gary England, Justice League of Oklahoma, Lauren Richardson, Oklahoma City Weather and Wayne Coyne.
Published by Patrick at October 29, 2007
Here’s a quick review of what we are doing. Last January, State Speaker Lance Cargill created some weird thing called the Oklahoma 100 Ideas Initiative. Here’s how it was described:
The 100 Ideas initiative will change the way business is done at the State Capitol. Instead of legislation originating from lobbyists, special interests and government employees, this initiative seeks ideas from the private sector and from citizens across the great state of Oklahoma. Once the initiative is complete, the top 100 ideas will be published in a book and presented to the Oklahoma State Legislature.
Since we are citizens from the “great state of Oklahoma,” we decide to contribute our own 100 ideas for the initiative. But since we’re pretty sure that Speaker Cargill and his friends won’t put any of them in his book, we figured it would be better to share them here over the next few weeks.
P.S.- Please note that unlike our Top 100 Oklahoma Embarrassments, our 100 contributions are not “ranked” in any way. And if you have any ideas that you would like to see on our list, send us an email. We may include it!
Continue reading ‘Oklahoma Initiative Ideas: 50-41′
Category: 100 Ideas, Basketball in OKC, Danny Williams, KREF, Oklahoma City Media, Oklahoma City Radio, Oklahoma Politics, Sports, The Daily Oklahoman and The Oklahoma Gazette.
Published by Patrick at October 26, 2007
As you hopefully know by now, the Gazette and Wayne Coyne are putting on
the Ghouls Gone Wild Parade through the Downtown and Bricktown
streets tomorrow. Our “sources” with The Gazette claim that the parade will
be a happy good time. They even gave us some good reasons to go. Here’s some of what they said:
There will be Jedis. There will be blood. There will be beer.
The Flaming Lips are leading the festivities.
Bloody schoolgirls
Ghostbusters
Rollergirls
ZERO former Miss Americas or astronauts
Amy McRee in a pink bikini*
*unconfirmed, however Lauren Richardson will be doing her on-the-spot interviews. I’m doing my best to bring my own soft-serve ice cream dispenser
Another thing that’s fun about the parade is seeing Wayne Coyne turn into some well oiled PR machine. He’s presented the Seven Day Forecast on the Channel 25 morning show and even dropped an f-bomb at the dedication of Flaming Lips Alley in Bricktown.
But what’s weird is that he sold his soul and did an interview with the Oklahoman.
Perhaps amazed that Wayne would actually give the interview, NewsOK
went insane and published about 5,000 pictures from the Q & A session at LOOK
at OKC. I went through them, picked out the better ones, and gave them some poorly
written captions. I did this because that’s what we do with this “Fun With Pictures” thing. Check it after the jump.
Continue reading ‘Fun with Pictures: Wayne Coyne’
Category: Fun with Pictures, Lauren Richardson, The Oklahoma Gazette and Wayne Coyne.
Published by Tony at October 25, 2007
We all know that events such as the World Cow Chip Throwing Contest and the State Prison Outlaw Rodeo take place in our great state, but there are some events that take place elsewhere that I think should take place here in Oklahoma. Here is The Lost Ogle’s guide to those.
Watermelon Thump
Currently in… Luling, Texas
Should in… Rush Springs
The Watermelon Thump is a festival held every year in some place called Luling, Texas. I don’t know about you guys, but I think this is crap. Rush Springs is the Watermelon Capitol of the World, everybody knows this. I know it because I once was driving by Rush Springs and saw a bigass fake watermelon on the side of the road that said “Watermelon Capitol of the World.” And now some bastard Texan is trying to horn in on our watermelon festivals? First, they bomb Boise City. Then they try and steal our watermelon festivals. This aggression will not stand, man. Brad Henry needs to start planning an invasion. Remember the Rush Springs! That would be our battle cry.
Continue reading ‘These Are Events That Should Take Place In Oklahoma’
Category: Unusual.
After a two year hiatus, my wife and I went back to our tradition of taking the day off work and heading back to Stillwater for the OSU Homecoming Walkaround. Most people think the Walkaround begins at 6:00, and officially, it does, but the action is during daylight.
As a result of being homecoming chair for her sorority three of her four years in Stillwater, Mrs. Matthews gets a high watching the zombies of Greek life (who have had zero sleep in 48 hours and have ingested little other than Red Bull and Budweiser in that time frame) put the finishing touches on the massive house decorations before the judges make the rounds. (As a result of having been treasurer of my fraternity for two of my four years in Stillwater, I have a different reaction…which is that I mourn the waste of money.) She critiques the color schemes, the theme selection, and the pomping skill of each house deck. Then, she gets positively giddy trying to handicap where the house dec’s will place like The Sports Guy trying to guess the lines of pro football games. (This year, since both of our houses made an awful showing, we could both be entirely objective.)
Then again, OSU’s homecoming a sight to behold and far superior to the production OU puts on: announcing the presence of Jason White and Brian Bosworth who are at every game, anyway.
For those who have never partaken in the spectacle, I have some photos to share:
Continue reading ‘A Trip to God’s Country’
Category: Uncategorized.
Published by Patrick at October 23, 2007
And you thought things were rough when your girlfriend discovered your internet porn collection. Imagine trying to explain to your wife that 12 women are suing you for running a Cinemax-inspired sex-slave ring out of the county jail. Imagine it, because that’s what Custer County Sheriff Mike Burgess is having to do.
From the Tulsa World:
Twelve women who were either jail prisoners in Custer County or involved in the county’s drug court program have sued the county sheriff, making various sexual allegations against him.
The lawsuit, filed Wednesday, alleges that Sheriff Mike Burgess operated a sex-slave ring and threatened to send the female jail inmates to prison if they did not comply with sexual demands he made.
If you want, you can read the entire case here. The lawsuit contains a whole bunch of bizarre accusations in it. However, before or after you read it, take into account that the people accusing him of running a sex jail were in the jail for a reason, and are probably not the most reliable and trustworthy people.
One of these people is Joy Mason. The Tulsa World mentions her accusations in its article:
The lawsuit alleges that one woman, Joy Mason, was required to drive at least twice to Oklahoma City, where Burgess was staying in a hotel, despite a requirement by the drug court that she not leave Custer County. It also alleges that he ordered Mason to drink alcohol — another violation of drug court requirements — as part of his scheme of “extreme sexual slavery, including sexual battery, sodomy, rape and blackmail.”
That’s all fine and dandy. But what the Tulsa World does not do is provide a link to Joy’s MySpace Page. If you visit it, you may notice that Joy looks a normal, everyday 40-year-old mother of two. That is until you discover that “Danielle” (pictured after the jump) is one of her seven MySpace friends.
Continue reading ‘Inside the Custer County Sex Scandal’
Category: Unusual.
Location: Beneath Doppler 9000 (The secret lair of the Storm Chasers)
Val Castor looks nervously at the monitor. “Gary, I have bad news,” he calls out.
Before he can finish the sentence, Gary England, in full superhero garb, stops him. “Whoa, Nellie! Wall clouds are forming, a serious weather event is underway.”
“You’ve seen the Doppler readouts?”
“No, I just know that a major sporting event is going on.”
“That’s right, the Patriots are playing the Cowboys in a possible Superbowl preview. You don’t think it’s a coincidence?”
“I’m sure it’s not,” says England resolutely, “but right now we have bigger fish to fry. Assemble the League.” Continue reading ‘Justice League of Oklahoma (Part I)’
Category: Fake News, Gary England, Justice League of Oklahoma, Lauren Richardson, Oklahoma City Media, Oklahoma City Weather and Wayne Coyne.
So, today is Halloween, but it doesn’t feel like Halloween. I guess that’s what happens when Halloween falls on a Wednesday and all the big parties and parades are on the Saturday before. I guess that’s also what happens when you don’t have kids and are told that your costume is probably too inappropriate to wear to your work’s costume contest. Bummer, huh.
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