We all know that events such as the World Cow Chip Throwing Contest and the State Prison Outlaw Rodeo take place in our great state, but there are some events that take place elsewhere that I think should take place here in Oklahoma. Here is The Lost Ogle’s guide to those.
Currently in… Luling, Texas
Should in… Rush Springs
The Watermelon Thump is a festival held every year in some place called Luling, Texas. I don’t know about you guys, but I think this is crap. Rush Springs is the Watermelon Capitol of the World, everybody knows this. I know it because I once was driving by Rush Springs and saw a bigass fake watermelon on the side of the road that said “Watermelon Capitol of the World.” And now some bastard Texan is trying to horn in on our watermelon festivals? First, they bomb Boise City. Then they try and steal our watermelon festivals. This aggression will not stand, man. Brad Henry needs to start planning an invasion. Remember the Rush Springs! That would be our battle cry.
The University of Oklahoma has banned current members of the RUF/NEKS spirit group from official university events, according to a statement released today by OU spokesman Blake Rambo. A university investigation found members of the RUF/NEKS this semester had abused alcohol and hazed pledges in various ways, including “sleep deprivation, physical exhaustion, demeaning actions and the potential for physical harm.”
A few thoughts:
“¢ A guy named Blake Rambo is the spokesman for the University of Oklahoma!?! How cool is that!
“¢ Is the university surprised by this? These are the same guys that ride a schooner around campus and shoot rifles each time the Sooners score a touchdown. Of course they haze their pledges! If you need any more evidence, just check out their (now defunct) homepage (thank you cache) and read some bios of current and former members.
After you have some fun there, check out our 10 potential RUF/NEKS replacements for the rest of the football season after the jump:
After a two year hiatus, my wife and I went back to our tradition of taking the day off work and heading back to Stillwater for the OSU Homecoming Walkaround. Most people think the Walkaround begins at 6:00, and officially, it does, but the action is during daylight.
As a result of being homecoming chair for her sorority three of her four years in Stillwater, Mrs. Matthews gets a high watching the zombies of Greek life (who have had zero sleep in 48 hours and have ingested little other than Red Bull and Budweiser in that time frame) put the finishing touches on the massive house decorations before the judges make the rounds. (As a result of having been treasurer of my fraternity for two of my four years in Stillwater, I have a different reaction…which is that I mourn the waste of money.) She critiques the color schemes, the theme selection, and the pomping skill of each house deck. Then, she gets positively giddy trying to handicap where the house dec’s will place like The Sports Guy trying to guess the lines of pro football games. (This year, since both of our houses made an awful showing, we could both be entirely objective.)
Then again, OSU’s homecoming a sight to behold and far superior to the production OU puts on: announcing the presence of Jason White and Brian Bosworth who are at every game, anyway.
For those who have never partaken in the spectacle, I have some photos to share:
And you thought things were rough when your girlfriend discovered your internet porn collection. Imagine trying to explain to your wife that 12 women are suing you for running a Cinemax-inspired sex-slave ring out of the county jail. Imagine it, because that’s what Custer County Sheriff Mike Burgess is having to do.
From the Tulsa World:
Twelve women who were either jail prisoners in Custer County or involved in the county’s drug court program have sued the county sheriff, making various sexual allegations against him.
The lawsuit, filed Wednesday, alleges that Sheriff Mike Burgess operated a sex-slave ring and threatened to send the female jail inmates to prison if they did not comply with sexual demands he made.
If you want, you can read the entire case here. The lawsuit contains a whole bunch of bizarre accusations in it. However, before or after you read it, take into account that the people accusing him of running a sex jail were in the jail for a reason, and are probably not the most reliable and trustworthy people.
One of these people is Joy Mason. The Tulsa World mentions her accusations in its article:
The lawsuit alleges that one woman, Joy Mason, was required to drive at least twice to Oklahoma City, where Burgess was staying in a hotel, despite a requirement by the drug court that she not leave Custer County. It also alleges that he ordered Mason to drink alcohol — another violation of drug court requirements — as part of his scheme of “extreme sexual slavery, including sexual battery, sodomy, rape and blackmail.”
That’s all fine and dandy. But what the Tulsa World does not do is provide a link to Joy’s MySpace Page. If you visit it, you may notice that Joy looks a normal, everyday 40-year-old mother of two. That is until you discover that “Danielle” (pictured after the jump) is one of her seven MySpace friends.
Location: Beneath Doppler 9000 (The secret lair of the Storm Chasers)
Val Castor looks nervously at the monitor. “Gary, I have bad news,” he calls out.
Before he can finish the sentence, Gary England, in full superhero garb, stops him. “Whoa, Nellie! Wall clouds are forming, a serious weather event is underway.”
“You’ve seen the Doppler readouts?”
“No, I just know that a major sporting event is going on.”
“That’s right, the Patriots are playing the Cowboys in a possible Superbowl preview. You don’t think it’s a coincidence?”
“I’m sure it’s not,” says England resolutely, “but right now we have bigger fish to fry. Assemble the League.”
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