Eventually, it had to be done. In fact, realizing that it had not yet delved into the seediest location in town as our first year anniversary rapidly approached, we decided it had to be done quickly.
But who would write the post? I nominated Patrick, but he declined saying that his research would begin with a night at the Red Dog Saloon, followed by us never seeing him again. Tony cited his strict religious upbringing and fear of anything not sanctioned by James Dobson as means of begging off. So that left it up to me, Clark Matthews, to be the expert on the underbelly of our fair town.
After exhaustive research, here is my list of the top 10 Sleaziest Locations in Oklahoma City:
10. Britton Discount Cigarettes
Every day, on my way home from work, I get stuck in the daily traffic jam on Britton being caused by “Britton Discount Cigarettes.” Part of me feels like I should respect their great business plan. They figured out that if you smoke, you probably don’t exercise either, so they sell cigarettes at a drive thru window. Apparently pretty cheap, because rush hour always sees a parking lot in the right hand eastbound lane of Britton and several cars hoping to turn left in the westbound lane. The people are just about what you would expect. They are in beat up cars, with their faded KATT stickers on the bumper, and even though I am in the cocoon of my vehicle, I can imagine how foul it must smell on the interior. Making the place that much more repulsive is that they located it just about a block from what is now Centennial High School, but used to be my alma mater, John Marshall. So, you know they are probably making a killing selling to underage kids who are ditching class.
Right now, a good portion of our smoker readers are thinking they need to check this place out.
9. Pasquali & Palumbo
It isn’t just that Marco Palumbo is a lawyer who advertises on television. If that were the case, the law firm of Dan Davis would have received a coveted spot on this list. What sets Counselor Palumbo apart is his education (emphasis ours):
Marco Palumbo is a graduate of the Oklahoma City University School of Law, where he received a Juris Doctorate degree. Mr. Palumbo studied International and Comparative Law at the University of Oxford and is a graduate of Colorado State University, where he received a Bachelor of Science degree in Political Science.
Oxford? He studied at Oxford? When one sees that on a resume, doesn’t it usually imply that the person was a Rhodes Scholar? Usually when you think of a recipient of the Rhodes Scholarship, you generally think of, I don’t know, pioneers of science, candidates for first lady, or even a couple of Oklahoma’s favorite sons (Carl Albert and David Boren). Palumbo, though, is an opportunistic ambulance chaser with a cool pair of sunglasses who shows off the intensity of the Columbine killers while begging for frivolous lawsuits.
8. Clark Matthews garage
For legal reasons, I prefer not to delve too deeply into this one.
7. Blazers Game
Staged fights and small children being encouraged to shout “but they still suck!”
6. Casady
Sure, the pristine campus dotted with well maintained brick buildings, a lovely pond, and a plethora of security guards well prepared to run off teenagers who dare to use their football field to play a pick up game looks nice. Any place attended so heavily by trust fund blue bloods, though, has to have a seedy underbelly.
5. Ziggyz
No matter where one stands on the legality of drugs, I doubt anyone can argue that it is a good thing. I think a place selling the paraphernalia, might try.
4. Anywhere Jim Inhofe is speaking
As the election cycle heats up, you can rest assured that any place Jim Inhofe appears to speak will belong on this list. As this old Gazette article chronicles, our senior Senator has always had a penchant for dirty tactics even as a fresh candidate. Now, as a career politician, Inhofe has honed his craft and turned every campaign into a toxic landfill. Truth will be lacking, and substance will never appear in his stump speech. Have fun with that Andrew Rice.
(True story: At a recent Chamber of Commerce meeting in which Inhofe was invited to give a non-political speech, his address devolved into a tirade about how Barack Obama is a Muslim. Putting aside that there are supposed to be no religious tests for public office, Inhofe’s ire would make more sense if he didn’t, you know, work with Obama and know that Obama is a Christian. Then again, expecting Inhofe to tell the truth when a lie is more convenient is lunacy.)
3. Patrick’s Liver
According to the Free Online Dictionary, one of the definitions of sleazy is: “Shabby, dirty, and vulgar”
After years of abuse, Patrick’s liver definitely fits the first two. I get the impression that his liver may also be a bit racist**, which I find vulgar.
**To be clear, only Patrick’s liver is racist. The rest of his organs are perfectly civil.
2. South Robinson
Some say South Robinson is sleazy because pimps and prostitutes loiter all along the street. Personally, I think it is sleazy because there is a guy with a video camera trying to get footage of guys getting it on with hookers that hangs out there.
1. XXXtasy Ranch
There are a surprising number of strip clubs/nudie bars/gentleman’s clubs in Oklahoma City. Most of them, though, have generally inconspicuous names like Bosco’s or Blue Fox. One can say they are going to one of those places and unless the person is “in the know” (in which case they will probably beg to go with), you will not be outed as a perv. Not so with the XXXtasy Ranch who revels in being a den of iniquity. Couple that with the phallic chimney (which, I’m sure, goes with the fireplace of the interior library where men in smoking jackets that have leather patches on the elbows go to sip brandy and debate Proust) and you have one of the sleaziest places in town.
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Keep in mind that we at TheLostOgle.com love this fair city in spite of, or in some cases because of, the places mentioned above. However, we occasionally miss something, and that, fair reader, is where you come in. If you feel your local cathouse was unfairly passed over, the comments section begs for you to share.
Many universities offer summer programs that allow you to “study at Oxford” or any number of other European schools. This usually only requires that you have the extra time and money to pay for tuition and expenses during the summer. I suspect Mr. Palumbo studied abroad while in law school. OU Law offers an Oxford summer program, not sure if OCU does.
That Brian Bates guy sucks as a vigilante. Prostitution along Robinson hasn’t missed a beat in fifteen years!! What’s his objective aside from getting a cheap thrill?
For the record…I was once stationed in England and while in the city of Oxford, I studied for a promotion test. Yes, I too, studied at Oxford. Not too bad a claim for a sterno bum with a stolen laptop
After I bolted from the ex while she was in law school, she went to Oxford to study. Clearly, this was no Rhodes scholar.
Can number 11 be anything along I-240?
Or anything south of I-40?
Spot on Clark. This is hilarious. No. 8 is my fav.
palumbo has a hit out on lostogle staff. have any heirs?
what about the gay district at 36th and penn area? more transients and freaks roll thru there all hours of the day and night.
I’m drawn to the pimp-mobile that is regularly parked outside Britton Discount. Somebody gots to be slingin’ something to afford a ride like that. Everyday I drive by there to and from work. Isn’t it illegal to park in the middle of the street? My favorite part of that place the sign that says “Opent till I am” take that smokers.
Dude, I see WIMGO opportunities here.
I WIMGO XXXTasy Ranch!
it’s a travesty that not one of the misspelled bars in bricktown didn’t make the list. no Rayne? Lit? maybe there could be a 2nd list, or lYst, for the 3 lamest misspelled bars in bricktown.
The conservatory somehow didn’t make the list. They play live music out of this arm pit/broken down mechanics garage and have the audacity to serve drinks in there. I’m always tempted to line the rim of my cup with bacardi 151 to disinfect any disease that may call that cup home.
Purely sinful also makes the list, nothing cool about 200 asians tripping on Ex and sweating on you as they stumble their way to the bathroom to puke.
The Opolis in norman. Similar to the conservatory except this anus of an establishment plays no good music, ever. Everyonce in a while you’ll bump into a hippy thats pretty hot here, until of course you decide to breath and take in a nose full of 2 week fermented hippy right before her life partner elbows you in the junk while flaling wildly/dancing.
Dell on I-44.
I’m not going to go into details here. Except it was built on a landfill and they measure how many time you take a dump a week there.
Oh yah, forgot.
The Chuck House on 23rd street.
Its a good this they serve the “Best Chicken Fried Steak in the Universe”. Otherwise the 4 strains of hepatitis you picked up there would totaly not be worth it. At least they have phones in the booths to call the kitchen/front desk when you find a hair, or a deep fried pinky in your chicken fry.
What about the Rio Bravo Bar on south walker or anything in Capitol Hill or south of 16th st between classen and penn…nails
I think an entire article could be devoted to a Friday night at Crossroads Mall. Haven’t experienced this since my teen years, I only know what I hear from the “late-breaking news”.
“The Opolis in norman. Similar to the conservatory except this anus of an establishment plays no good music, ever.”
This is hands down the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Ever!
“The Opolis in norman. Similar to the conservatory except this anus of an establishment plays no good music, ever.”
This is hands down the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Ever!
I second that. Totally Unbelievable.
Old Paris Flea Market. It looks like the set of some post-apocalyptic film where survivors are attempting to exchange donkeys for funnel cake…
Not a single car dealership mentioned thusfar.
Epic fail.
The northsiders that enjoy bashing the south have obviously never visited the neighborhoods surrounding the Capitol or Wayne Coyne’s house. Ugh!
At least SW 29th St. and the Capitol Hill area has an illusion of foreign travel.
Speaking of Wayne Coyne’s house, what about Western from Main St. north through 13th? If you can make this walk without being stabbed or bum-rushed ten times, you’re a survivor!!
Also, Reno b/t Hudson and Western is in its own league. Bad news when the homeless shelter is cleanest and safest place on your block!
Nine times out of ten, I’d rather go to a show at the Conservatory or Opolis than virtually any other venue in the 405.
Something tells me somebody’s got an ax to grind…
If I’m going to go to a hole in the wall to watch a band, I’ll go to the deli. At least not everyone there looks like they just got done huffing paint.
how this makes me long for home.
Everyone at the Deli looks like they’re ready to start huffing paint. Then after, they go to the Conservatory. How about any check-cashing location that sells lotto tickets? That’s so wrong that even Kevin Ogle stopped watching MST3K in his office for 5 minutes to go on TV and call them out. Or any Johnnie’s location, just pick one.
Wow, no one mentioned Ambassador Court, 1600-1800 block S Stonewall, just east of SE 15th & High. This place makes ALL these other locations look like Celebration Station. Hell, even the COPS avoid this place unless they have a dozen of their co-workers to back them up. They ought to rename it ‘Paradise City’ because if you got the money, they got your disease.
Rio Bravo does at least a decent second to these jokers, with XXXtasy Ranch at #3. We should have a Red Dog sighting at #4 and Green Carpet Inn (SE 15th & I-35) at #5.
You kids really need to get out of Edmond and Norman more often. There are some really bad-ass places here if you’re willing to die to find them.
http://bee-spot.blogspot.com/2007/03/you-know-youre-redneck-if.html
Mckinley park. crazy horse wait they renamed it. I remember when “The Wit”= Whitkers. Was the place to be. Drinking in the parking lot.
The Greyhound bus station. Just driving by makes you feel dirty.
oops, i didn’t mean to put that link there. i was just trying to remember the name of the place. in any case, it’s on shields. make sure you have your hep shots first.
also, in norman, cowboys circle their trucks in the homeland parking lot on lindsey. i’m not sure what that’s all about or if it qualifies as sleazy, but i think it could use some investigation.
Blythe, most of those hicks in the Homeland parking lot in Norman actually come over from Noble — I’ve been wondering for years why they do this, but I think it’s hilarious to see them out there with their hoods raised.
I nominate Christie’s Toy Box. Who knew so many different vibrators existed? And the employees look like they’ve tested every one.
Cat Baloo’s did not make the list. As a OKC strip club patron Cats’ is a dive where the stripper might be your mom’s age. I don’t even see a reason to go to strip club/bar where the girls look so bad you wouldn’t want to see them naked in the real world much less pay for it.
the XXXRanch is high class compared to Cat’s and some of Valley Brook.
Loves truck stop on Morgan and I-40. Smell em before you see em folks.
Now that Wesley mentions it - what about Valley Brook in its entirety? The place is like one square mile and has 23 police vehicles, all of them with the latest radar. I swear they have stealth capabilities or some sort of Star Trek Transport capability as they appear ehind every car traveling through their “hood” on Eastern and 59th street. Ask yourself how they pay these police officers - the only industry is two strip joints, a junk yard and 2 bars and the court house. What a hole.
My friend used to teach at the Head Start preschool at Ambassador Courts. She said it wasn’t even a place you wanted to go in daylight. I will a few days late nominate any casino in the area who is doing some sort of a giveaway. “Wallet Day” at Remington is quite skanktastic. And the only time I have seen someone with a hook-hand was at a casino. Playing the kick ass Star Wars machine though.
How about the whole of Oklahoma City? Truly the armpit of the world
LOL Nice to see the Touche referenced…it pains me to admit this but my sister used to bartend there. That place is a first class craphole that was or still is owned by a old drunken biker that loved to run his mouth and fire his gun at the ceiling. I had the displeasure of visiting my sister there once (during the shooting the ceiling incident). The people that frequent the establishment would make great fodder for Jerry Springer or COPS. Surprised to see the Skyline Restaurant not mentioned here. Just looking at the outside of it is a danger to your health forget the inside…
I vote for Valley of the Dolls in Valley Brooke. I should be called Valley of the Crack Whores.
How about Valley Brooke period. Let us not forget most of N.W. 10th street, now going up past N.W. 23rd, moving farther and farther northward everyday. Oh, and a might mention of Lake Overholser-if they had a tombstone for every person who crashed or died at that lake-you wouldnt see the lake. South Hefner lake and some of the parks where the pervs hang out
only a passing mention of the red dog? it is a true OKC landmark, and and a bastion of sleaze. any club that has videos playing that feature better looking women than the strippers, that’s no club you want to be.
the 7-eleven next door is pretty scary as well, and when lady ann’s oddities was still open, it was like the sleaziest strip-mall in the country…
What about the Stockyards? Cattlemen’s has tasty food but that area is sketchy as hell. Nothing like the smell of cow shit and passed out wino! Keep it classy OKC!
im from western kansas and oklahoma city is truly worst than the armpit of the world….. ive never meet more disguisting men and women in one place in my life….. you dont have to go to south robinson to see this go to nw 122nd and mccarther or any where for that mater ……… this town is like Sodam and Gamorah
Palumbo is a stud
My wife and I live in Edmond but for years have been bored with the mainstream “Bricktown” entertainment experience. We have been to almost every hole on this list and then some in the greater metro area. Beer 30 on Portland–morning happy hours and the occasional garage sale. Ghost Riders club on NE 23rd Street in Spenser. The Hi-Lo Club. The Roadhhouse in Wheatland (they have fundraisers for patrons who have gotten DUI’s and let dogs run amuck in the place). We’ve been thrown out of Sugar’s in Norman, outcursed/outdrank oilfield workers and attorneys at Tavern By George. OKC in general is absolutely a lowlife town but it can be interesting if you mix a trailer park/dumpsite tour in after your Tom and Jerry brunch. Its very ying-yang and is like getting your emotional tires balanced. Word of caution: Make sure you keep your buzz going or else you will lose the purifying epiphanies and just end up with that WTF am I doing here sensation.
Can’t forget about ‘asian jesus’ in Norman. He’s the token Homeless guy.
He could probably share a bed with you and you’d wake up cleaner than if you’d visited one of these places.
The XXXtasy ranch is the best strip club in OKC!!
I have been to them all..I think thats why he really put it on the list to give it free advertising!!
OURedman is correct about the summer study abroad program at Oxford, and I believe OURedman is a lawyer, too. That said, I could not agree more that Pasquali and Polumbo is THE sleaziest place in town. “Ambulance-chasing” isn’t specific enough to describe what they do. This clown calls HIMSELF “The California Switchblade.” REALLY? Deion Sanders calling himself “Primetime” thinks that’s ridiculous. We got Gassaway to go away. Here’s hoping Polumbo is next.
I agree with Nostradainus. The Hi-Lo Club is an experience that must be missed, along with Sidecar and (you all may hate me, but) Edna’s. They each have their own unique qualities that make them completely deplorable in their own little way. For those of you with a strong stomach and pride to spare, an evening at 50th and Classen will bring you down a peg or two.
The Hi-Lo’s awesomely strong drinks really help ease the experience. That alone makes it uniquely defensible.
However! I’m surprised there’s no mention anywhere of the Habana Inn! Also known as the premiere destination to cruise for anonymous gay sex with the truly horrific.
Compared to the five places I mentioned above, the Habana Inn looks like Frontier City.
OKC is truly Soddom and Gomorrah. Lived in that toliet bowl for a year. Glad I am gone! It looks like a riot is going to start anyday there.