It’s official. In a moment many people thought would not happen in their lifetime, an African-American will be the nominee of a major party for the office of President. Of course, the woman who is now mathematically eliminated still has not quit and is sending veiled threats of what will happen should she not be the running mate. There will be a lot of pressure for Barack Obama to select Hillary Clinton for his Vice Presidential candidate, but there is no guarantee it will happen. In fact, through our wide reaching network of Ogle moles, we have found out that several people on the shortlist have Oklahoma ties. They include:
State Representative Sally Kern
One theory of selecting a Vice Presidential candidate is to select a person who “balances the ticket.” Who would be more of a yang to Obama’s yin than Sally Kern?
Mrs. Matthews
A lot of Hillary Clinton’s supporter are demanding that Obama select Hillary as his running mate. That comes with a heckuva third wheel in the form of a former President distracting from the Obama platform. To appease those feminist supporters, Barack could select a different female candidate and it might as well be one of his most loyal followers.
The Guy in the Background of the Pink Bikini photo
I know almost nothing about this guy. However, there are five hotties in bikinis posing for a photo (one of them semi-famous) just yards away from him, and he still manages to maintain concentration on his fishing. The man is either blind, or else he is the most focused person on the planet. If Obama brings him into the administration and gives him a task, it will be accomplished.
Lloyd Fields
The Clintons had Roger for comic relief. The Bush administration had George W. Bush. The Obamas are missing that. Selecting a guy who would steal a guitar from a cross dressing rocker at a rodeo, though, is bound to cause some hijinks.
Wayne Coyne
The only thing that could make Obama more of a rock star is to campaign with a rock star. What I picture is Barack giving his incredible speeches while Wayne provides back up on the guitar. Of course, this would all be coordinated by the new campaign manager, Will.I.Am.
Flashpoint host Mike Turpen
Sure, he hasn’t run for office since losing to David Walters in the 1986 Democratic primary for governor. Dealing with Burns Hargis for fifteen years, though, deserves some kind of payoff. Vice President might be the only way of evening the score.
T. Boone Pickens
John McCain has his wife’s daddy’s beer distribution fortune to fall back on. All Obama has is 1.5 million citizens offering spare change to run his campaign. Thanks to the economic policies of the past eight years, those people are going to run out of expendable cash and Obama will only have the royalties from his book sales to keep him going…unless he brings in a benefactor as his running mate.
Coach Barry Switzer
Obama may know how to pack a crowd and get them into a frenzy about “the fierce urgency of now” but he knows nothing about running the wishbone. Tap Coach Switzer as the V.P. and that problem is solved.
Governor Brad Henry
This one is not really a joke. Patrick thinks I’m crazy, but I think that Brad Henry should be on the short list. For one, a democrat who can get elected statewide in Oklahoma twice has to be someone that the party can use nationally. Second, as an unabashed Baptist, Henry’s appearance on the ticket would allay the fears of the morons who think Barack is a covert Muslim trying to infiltrate the U.S. Executive Branch so he can give a Presidential pardon to Osama bin Laden. While I hate kowtowing to the brain dead, it’s hard to win without at least convincing the idiot vote to stay home. Finally, Henry can appeal to moderates who think Obama is too liberal and maintains the “new brand” of politics image that has become synonymous with the Obama message. So, I think he should at least make it to the vetting list. Patrick, on the other hand, thinks he would be another Dan Quayle.
So, what have you guys been hearing?
I would like to see Biker Fox as the next VEEP!
It’s been a long time since 8th grade civics — if Henry were to be the VP, would he be done as our “governor”? Because that’s something I could get behind.
brought to you by Carl’s Junior.
As long as he doesn’t win, I don’t care who it is.
The day Sally Kern shows up on a presidential ballot is the day I kill myself.
Obama, please take Brad!!! Heck we will even throw in a free ride on the canal (glorified Drainage Ditch) and a few illegal immigrants to do yard work for you. Its a win-win deal for everyone..
If Henry is chosen as the running mate, he does not have to vacate the governorship. But Lieutenant Governor Jari Askins would be in charge whenever Henry is out of state.
If Obama/Henry were then elected, Askins would become governor. I presume she would get to appoint a Lieutenant Governor who would serve until the 2010 election or possibly there would be a special election to serve out the remaining term.
I almost wonder if Patrick is right about Governor Henry. While Clark makes the valid point that the morons wouldn’t be so–moronic–Governor Henry isn’t inspirational and I don’t think he’s a very good public speaker. I don’t know, Henry’s a two-term governor of a state who has voted Republican in Presidential elections since 1964. There is the “Hot Wife” factor, too….
Brad Henry isn’t a good public speaker? You might be right, but I’d rank him ahead of Obama’s top competitor in the Democratic primary and far ahead of the man he will be up against in the general.
I just want a Veep who makes sure we never run out of french fries or burrito covers…
Brad Carson…that way EVERYONE would know about the “Oka-homa Party.”
Bill Clinton?
Barack is not African-American. He is Arab-American.
Brad Henry would balance the ticket in the respect that Obama is a wonderful orator and Henry has a Bush-like quality of delivering speeches.
Props to Raller for the “Idiocracy” reference!
Henry is a great speaker if you’re looking for an alternative to Nytol.
Be careful what you wish for…if the idiot vote stays home, Obama has no chance of winning.
Brad Henry would be ok for a long shot but there are too many things working against him for a VP slot. For one, he looks like he’d lose in a bar fight with Steve Urcle, and no one around the country has any idea who he is. Mayor Mick has more media value than Brad. If anyone should run it’s his smokin hot wife.
-First, the VP slot usually is about location. A VP strategically needs to help pull a swing state. If gallop is correct, the most important states right now are Ohio or Pennsylvania. Ted Strickland seems like a great choice. He’s a methodist that was very active in the church, and even has been endorsed by the NRA. This would appeal to conservatives raging against the republican party’s Mccain nomination. May not make a huge difference but even 1/2 a percentage point in places like Florida would be huge. This also would calm the nerves of some “old dog democrats” that lost their WASPy prez candidate when John Edwards left.
-Bill Richardson, Can’t help but love the guy. Foreign policy guru with a charismatic smile and smooth delivery but can’t work a solid debate out if he tried. He’d deliver swing state New Mexico, only thing working against him is, if he grew out a kickin mustache he’d look exactly like Saddam.
-Jim Webb, Oh Jim Webb. You know this guy was out of control in college. He’d have to be. He’d bite off an ear in a debate if you let him. He’s insane, but he’s a war hero. His foreign policy is solid, and he’s a great debater. I’m convinced he’d sucker punch mccain if no one was watching. He seems like the kind of guy that secretly gets smashed out of his gourd on ludes sunday nights, puts on military face paint and kills hookers in an LSD flashback rage.
-Toby Keith, because if you dont like freedom he’ll punch you in the throat.
-Johnny Roy, in a time like this america needs a good laugh. Oklahoma commercial actor with the trade mark helicopter swinging arm would not only scare the piss out of terrorists, but sell a lot furniture to help finance the election as well.
-JC Watts, Also known as Julius Caesar Watts. Every time I watch this guy speak I get so inspired I want to punch myself in the face. An all black ticket with two completely different political ideologies, hell I’d vote for that.
Johnny Roy = Johnny Ross
My bad
Oglefan: Did Kenya move without my knowledge?
ouredman: Obama’s problem during the primary was that he was having trouble connecting with non-college graduates. I’m not saying that you can’t have a college degree and still be a moron, but at that point it becomes willfull.
Bosley: Webb would be my first choice. Richardson would be a good Secretary of State.
Wow, Oglefan. I’m sure the Luo people of Kenya will be glad to hear they are Arab. It’s sad to think that for 3000 years they have been deluding themselves into thinking they were African.
Thank you for your knowledge of African history and geography.
This will be my second vote for an AA candidate for public office. I voted for Opio Toure for mayor many years ago. I chose him after reading a list of responses to questions posed to candidates by the Daily Disappointment. Clearly, Opio was far more informed about issues facing the City than any of the other candidates.
Barack and Opio remind me of the sheriff in Blazing Saddles. Cleavon Little who played the role of sheriff was born in Chickasha. Opio and Cleavon both died at 53. They were no idiots.
i really like bill richardson. i wanted him to be the dem nominee. but on a lighter note, why do all first ladies (and potential first ladies) dress like stepford wives? i mean really, when was the last time you saw any woman wear the crap that mrs. obama and hillary clinton, etc. sport every day? time to freshen up the gear, ladies. throw in some jean skirts, tube tops, capris, whatever. just quit dressing like stepford wives. this is america, this ain’t no martha stewart tea party.
yeah, duh, it should obviously be President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho.
I am fully aware that this post was done well over two weeks ago, and although I would never argue with Blythe, I am somewhat appalled by the seemingly complete lack of supposrt for Wayne Coyne as VP. Hasn’t ANYONE who frequents this site been to a Flaming Lips concert!? The man is motivating, spiritual, and is all about using voices over violence and words over weapons. Although I like shooting guilty people, Wayne is the man to go to. Check the Lips or Wayne’s MySpace page, there is a pic of him and Obama shaking hands. Seriously. I don’t like sounding like an obsessed fan, but even he preached about how important November is, and if a rock star gets that, I think that makes him just as qualified as the guy with inordinate concentration in the Amy McRee photo. OK, I’m done here, promise.