Not many Oklahomans are aware of the value of Bull Semen, or why the Texas ranch is justified in the lawsuit.
In Tahlequah, Bull Semen is known as Cream Gold … Texas Glee. The value rivals that of oil, gold and T. Boone Pickens’ pockets to OSU.
As a former NSU student, I saw first hand the obsession and rage that Bull Semen can cause. Think Bedlam on acid.
If you ever had your stockpile of Bull Semen stolen, you would understand the anguish created.
Most people think Tahlequah is only a place to float the Illinois River and drink beer. While that is true, it is also a Mecca for many Bull Semen based products.
There are dozens of uses for, and products created from, Bull Semen. Read the list after the jump.
- Facial Moisturizer
- Cough Suppressant
- Wax for Illinois River Canoes
- Mike Gundy’s Hair Gel
- Oklahoma Playdough
- Burn Ointment
- Post-It Notes Glue Refresher
- Caulk
- Fire Retardant Gel-Like Substance
- Rice Crispy Crepes
- Bullshine (similar to Moonshine)
- Lip Balm
- Biscuit Mix
- Sement
- Weightlifter Protein Shake
- Arby’s Horsey Sauce Substitute
- Ice Melter
- Alternative Fuel Source
- Sally Kern Vaginal Lubricant
- Artificial Sweetener
- Cheese
- Bubbles
- Egg Drop Soup
- Glass Cleaner
- Fruit and Vegetable Cleaner
- Foaming Hand Soap
- Insect Bite Relief
- Mouthwash
- Deodorant
- “Gamey” Taste Remover from Wild Game
- Finger Paint
- Chrome Polisher
- Steak Marinade
- 1-800-2SellHomes
- Everything Amish
- Baby Bulls
Look for the “Made in Oklahoma” sticker.
Don’t forget to check out Mattatarian’s Food Offering of the week or any of these brilliant pieces:
I know we don’t have Jack In the Box here, but what about Jack Sauce?
Their sauce is Clown Semen. The Jack in the Box guy hand delivers it.
Good, I was afraid I wouldn’t be nauseous this morning.
He said caulk. I’m glad we’re operating on such a high intellectual plane this morning.
That being said, I wonder if we’re soon to receive a lecture on how the only biblically-sanctioned purpose for bull sex and bull sexual fluid is for making baby bulls.
You missed:
Toothpaste
Finger nail polish remover
Genital Herpes cream
Clam Chowder
Motor oil
Big Hunk nougat bar
and
Nickelodeon’s signature green slime (just add food coloring)
Those are all made by a rival company in Holdenville. They call it:
“It’s not Chowdah, LLC”
i was born in Holdenville! and that’s the only thing that’s ever happened there…
so i am watching red dawn on tv tonight. maybe the lost ogle boys could regale us with an all-oklahoma version red dawn, updated to represent something more timely that a ruskie invasion. it would be more entertaining than the super hero thing.
Where do I buy this lubricant you speak of?
You can purchase it here http://www.okhouse.gov/committees/member.aspx?memberid=87
37. Mathis Brothers brand Leather Conditioner.