Who’s # 2: Equal Time Provision

A couple of weeks ago, I published a post that divulged the Oklahomans who had made Barack Obama's short list for Vice President. Honestly, I had planned to leave my discussion of the number two position at that, but then I received an angry email from Tony who claims to be an expert on political science.

He made the argument that our being ranked as the #5 most influential political blog in Oklahoma by BlogNetNews.com made us a legitimate member of the media. Then, because of this, he claimed that we are subject to the Communications Act of 1934, meaning we at TheLostOgle are now required to give equal coverage to Obama's opponent, John McCain. Being that I checked with my lawyer, who posts as "Lrng2luvlaw" and his only advice on the matter was "McCain sucks". I took that to mean Tony has a point.

It's not like I have anything of merit to offer Senator McCain. The guy really knows what he is doing. For instance, last week he responded to Obama's contention that electing McCain would be tantamount to a third term for George W. Bush by claiming that Obama was running for a "second (Jimmy) Carter administration." You see, I would usually advise a guy who struggles with an image of being old and out-of-touch to select a pop culture reference that was younger than thirty years old. I guess that's why I don't get paid to advise politicians.

That being said, the Oklahomans who McCain is considering as a runningmate can be found after the jump.

John Tyler Hammons

Balancing a ticket is always one of the things pundits make a big deal about. Well, McCain is something like 104 years old (I'm pretty sure that's right), so the quickest way to make the average age of the ticket down to something respectable is to bring 19-year old Muskogee mayor, J.T. Hammons.

(Note: Party pooper Tony explains that the U.S. Constitution bars anyone younger than 35 from becoming President. This does not mean Hammons cannot be the runningmate, but he will be eliminated from the line of succession. Therefore, were McCain to die in office, a serious concern of many, the next in line would be Nancy Pelosi...so technically, this could probably help him to woo Hillary's supporters.)

Kelvin Sampson

Again, this would help to balance out the ticket. McCain rails on and on against corruption. Former OU head basketball coach is blatantly corrupt. Voila, all bases covered.

Mick Cornett

Personally, I would hate to lose Mayor Mick to federal politics...or even statewide politics for that matter. McCain would do well to bring him along for the ride, though. At minimum, Mick could add some creativity to the Senator's campaign. To date, most of McCain's general campaign has been taking one of Obama's talking points and slightly altering it. Under the Cornett administration we Oklahoma Citians have been treated to "MAPS for Kids", "Big League City", and "ThisCityisGoingonaDiet.com". Of course, McCain would have to accept the mixed record. (As of today, the city has apparently lost 90,000 of the 1,000,000 pounds Cornett set as the goal. At this rate, OKC will hit his goal sometime after Obama's second term.)

Tom Coburn

I would come up with some benefits and drawbacks to selecting Coburn as his running mate, but we have apparently already discussed this.

Jim Inhofe

Like or dislike John McCain, you have to respect his intentions to run a clean, issues driven campaign. With Inhofe as the runningmate, though, that would all be thrown out the window. It would make it a lot easier for me to badmouth McCain, and for that reason, I would enjoy this happening.

Patrick

I was actually a little surprised that Patrick was interested in this post. Then, I realized that McCain promised to "veto all beers with earmarks". Patrick is pretty certain that earmarking is the process that removes alcohol from the beer to make it 3.2.

James Marsden

I'm not really sure what Marsden would bring to the table unless the campaign is looking to cast the part of "asshole boyfriend" (which seems to be the role Marsden plays in every movie he is in). Consider this candidacy as our pander to our female readers in the wake of us dropping the Hot Guy a Day in the Month After May gimmick.

J. C. Watts

Former OU quarterback and Congressman from Oklahoma, J.C. Watts has mostly been quiet since retiring from politics. He recently made news by announcing that he was pursuing a television network dedicated to black conservatives. I doubt my watching said network for the purpose of mining material for this website would help hide that the target audience is made up of about a dozen people, even if I am a Nielsen viewer. Of course, that demographic would all be McCain's if J.C. Watts ran as his V.P. candidate.

(Sidenote: I wanted to write a whole article about Watts' network coming up with ideas for what shows would run on the network. Then again, one of my rules in life is "If you have to preface something with, 'I'm not a racist', just stop talking.")

James Garner

Garner has already played the role of a former Republican President, so he's probably got more experience than Obama already. Also, Republicans like to complain about Hollywood influencing elections whenever possible, but anytime they have the opportunity to elect an actor, they charge to the polls.

Toby Keith

What list of Oklahoma conservatives is complete without the "Big Dog Daddy?" After McCain's position that he would not mind leaving soldiers in Iraq for a hundred years, complaining about the Supreme Court giving detainees at Guantanamo human rights, and singing "Bomb-Bomb-Bomb, Bomb-Bomb Iran", Keith might be the only possible candidate who might be more of a war hawk.