In the past, we have been awfully hard on the television show Saving Grace which we describe on our MySpace page as “the greatest detective/angel television show set in Oklahoma City ever made.”  When it debuted last year, we had this grand design to make it a weekly feature on the website where we would have a live blog of the show.  That pretty much fizzled after the second episode.  Part of that is that we have trouble sticking with our plans, but it was mainly because the show sucks.

With season two premiering on Monday, I thought I would take one for the team and see if the show had addressed any of the complaints we had last year.  Read on to see how little it has improved.

9:00 - The establishing shot would be perfect–a kiosk selling nothing but Sooner paraphernalia–if it weren’t for the palm tree in the foreground.

9:01 - Grace Hanadarko makes her first appearance, walking down the street toward a sidewalk cafe. It should be noted that Holly Hunter is a waif in a way that makes the women from Friends look like fatasses. Half the people on the street are wearing cowboy hats.

9:02 - She sits next to a chick who used to be in Just Shoot Me and the JSM chick jumps into some exposition dialogue recapping what happened at the end of last season. I’d summarize what she said, but I imagine it will come up more later.

Grace isn’t interested in talking about what happened last season and before she can get a second puff on her cigarette, she’s pulling a gun out of her ankle holster (this gun is about the size of those water pistols that you used to get as favors at birthday parties) and starts firing at a guy she witnesses pulling off a carjacking. The carjacker fires at her from point blank range and hits everything except her, including an extra sitting at the sidewalk cafe. I love shows that require you to suspend disbelief to the point of being retarded.

9:03 - Big chase scene where Grace follows after the carjacker on foot. There is one shot showing Holly Hunter firing her weapon and I swear her arms don’t look strong enough to lift the pea sized pistol.

9:04 - About fifty police cars pull up with squalling tires. A police dog is set after the jacker. The jacker jumps off a bridge, and the police dog jumps after him. Grace looks over the edge and we see that it was a mighty fall and both jumpers are bleeding on a the ground. The police officers check on the human, and Grace admonishes them. “I don’t give a shit about him, we have an officer down.”

9:06 - Back at the station, the police chief, who looks like Bill Citty if he was a black woman, congratulates Grace on catching #6 on the FBI’s most wanted list (He was in town because he had family in Bethany). She then warns Grace that she’ll be wanted at a press conference. By the way, it comes out at this point that the chase starting at the palm tree lined sidewalk cafe was apparently in Bricktown. You know what was missing from Bricktown? Bricks.

9:07 - Press conference is led by not-Bill Citty, unfortunately for our lady readers she also looks nothing like Paco Balderrama. Grace ignores the accolades and shows a picture of the police dog to the cameras.

9:09 - Cut back to the station where an impromptu party is thrown for Grace, complete with a Superman cape for her. Rex from Desperate Housewives breaks in to be the party pooper and commands Grace to answer some questions.

9:10 - Rex asks her if she’s been drinking, Grace says she hasn’t. The police chief reminds Rex that the FBI wants to give her a medal and demands that he get Grace’s union rep. Grace declines. Rex says people saw here at a bar called “J.T.’s”. She denies it. Rex asks her to give a blood sample.

9:11 - The person taking the blood sample is JSM Chick. She starts asking about Father Murphy, which I should add, was the exposition she was talking about at the cafe. JSM says that under Oklahoma law he can still be prosecuted for what he did to Grace. Grace still acts disinterested.

9:12 - At home, Grace is getting liquored up. She kicks a rolled up carpet, which unfurls some bloodied dude who is tied up. Commercial time.

9:15 - After the commercial, Father Murphy is on the sofa eating something. He religious mumbo jumbos her about God bringing them back together for a purpose. In response, she wings a beer cap at the back of his head. There’s also some talk about “Earl”, who I seem to remember as the tobacco chewing angel who is guarding Grace. Apparently, Earl looks after Father Murphy, too. While they discuss this, she starts laying plastic out on the floor in front of him.

9:17 - Interrogation Room. The lady who played Dawson Leery’s mother is coming in to talk about Grace being at J.K.’s. Dawson’s mom drops a reference to Mayor Mick having the city on a diet. (Nice touch…onepoint for the show.) Apparently Dawson’s mom was the one who witnessed Grace shooting tequila at the bar.

9:20 - Grace has placed a nice porterhouse steak on her guest’s crotch. Kinky. (Grace must have gone out to get this special, because there’s no way any character being played by Holly Hunter ever keeps food with more calories than a tic tac in her refrigerator.)  Then in a move that would make Sue Whalen happy, there is a dog eyeing the steak. It’s a big dog, but I’m not good with the breeds, so I’ll just say it’s a bulldog. The dog just takes the steak, leaving Father Murphy’s gonads in tact.

Grace is walking around with a gun, and Father Murphy offers to kill himself. When she reminds him that suicide is a sin, he reminds her that murder is also on the list. He wants to commit the sin because he does not want to cause her any pain. She tells him that they’ll figure it out when Earl shows up. She then begins doing an erotic dance in front of him that culminates with her turning to shoot him…with a water pistol.  Your guess is as good as mine.

9:23 - Stupid scene with JSM Chick and another priest. Doesn’t the creator of Saving Grace understand that we’re all Southern Baptists in this state.

9:24 - Earl shows up and checks out the scene while Grace sleeps. It should be mentioned that the room is covered in enough plastic to be a set from Dexter. She wakes and explains to Earl that she doesn’t have any feelings toward Father Murphy, anymore. That’s why she wants to kill him. Earl points out the flaws in that statement and warns her that she’ll bear the burden of guilt if she goes through with her plan. She puts the gun the Murphy’s temple, but Earl disappears. “You SHIThead!!!” she yells to the heavens.

Then she kills Father Murphy.

9:25 - Grace walks into the police station with blood all over her face, carrying her gun, and announces to a full room of police officers that she killed the man who molested her. JSM chick tells her not to say another word, and takes the gun from her. Other police cheer her, giving her “atta girls.” Grace asks JSM chick for her mini van, which JSM denies her saying she has to take her kids to school.

Grace wakes up.

She puts her gun down, walks across the room and slaps Father Murphy. Commercial.

9:28 - Grace walks into the police station with Father Murphy beside her. She introduces him as a guy who raped her as a child, as well as twenty-seven others. He already confessed, she tells everyone, but wants to get it on tape. Not-Bill Citty wants to talk to her privately.

9:29 - Grace downplays the illegal imprisonment, and explains that he willingly stayed at her house for three days. The lawyer in the room tells her he recanted his confession, probably as a result of the three archdiocese lawyers sent on his behalf. Grace tells them she has no interest in a cash settlement. Not-Bill Citty then lets Grace know she passed the blood test, and gives her a hug.

9:33 - In a stairwell–why do so many people hang out in stairwells on television–JSM chick finds Grace and also gives her a hug. “I thought you killed him,” JSM says. “Would you have lent me your minivan to bury the body?” Grace responds. “No.”

9:36 - In the midst of a bunch of boring investigation crap, I noticed that the police use Dell computers, which is probably pretty accurate considering Dell’s influence here in the state. That’s point #2 for the Saving Grace producers. Every other television show uses Macs.

9:38 - Father Murphy has been murdered in the Paseo District. Not-Bill Citty wants to know the whereabouts of Grace. They cut to a shot of Earl (wings out) looking over Father Murphy. The structure behind them looks like nothing in the Paseo District, but it could pass for a pre-MAPS Bricktown building. Commercial.

9:40 - The police are eyeing the scene. They point out that he was shot in the forehead and has dirty knees. It was an execution. Grace drives up drunk off her ass. She makes a bunch of jokes, and has her alibi ready to roll off the tongue. No one mentions that she was just driving while bombed. Not-Bill Citty says she’s going to check out Grace’s alibi, but goes ahead and assigns the case to her. Are you effing kidding me?

9:44 - Grace tracks down one of her fellow rapees, who is also a cop. They walk down memory lane, until Grace starts coaching the dude on how to handle the questions she’s about to ask him on the record…she knows he killed Murphy. Commercial.

9:51 - Walking into the police bullpen, Grace acts faux shocked that she couldn’t get any information out of her fellow rapee. Not-Bill Citty says they’ll try again tomorrow. Everyone leaves except for Grace and a male officer. They make out, then she leaves him with blue balls.  Again, your guess is as good as mine.

9:54 - Dawson’s mom meets Grace at a restaurant. Grace tries to figure out why Mrs. Leery lied about seeing Grace drinking. Dawson’s mom word vomits some back story about Grace’s horrible past, the Murrah bombing and Grace getting undeserved accolades then. I don’t really care. Anyway, Momma Leery wanted to knock Grace down a few pegs.

9:56 - Grace’s mom shows up at the door and it’s Lucille Bluth…part of me dies in seeing how the mighty have fallen. Lucille congratulates her on her heroics and talks about the sad news of Father Murphy. Mama Bluth talks of how wonderful Father Murphy was with kids.

9:58 - The fiancee of Grace’s fellow rapee is in the police station to report the fellow rapee for becoming a rapist. Apparently, she caught him giving her tween age daughter a bath and broke off the engagement. Grace starts to reconsider her plot to keep him out of jail.

9:59 - Grace is now a member of the SWAT team that takes down her fellow rapee.

10:00 - Earl is back at the house when Grace returns. She cries into his chest while he hugs her. Then my TiVo cuts the show off. None too soon.