After a week in which Oklahoma City’s big league franchise lost all four of its games by an average margin of 16 points, this seemed like the perfect time to start a weekly column chronicling the inaugural season of Thunder basketball. When Patrick suggested this column handing out weekly awards he wanted to call it “Clark Matthews Thunderwear”. I vetoed the title thinking it sounded like I was promoting NBA apparel. He came back with “Clark Matthews’ Dirty Thunderwear”. Eventually, we were able to get off that particularly bad Thunder pun by coming up with others. Among the options were:
Thunder the Microscope
Thunder Seige
Thunder the Tuscan Sun
Thunderwhelmed
Thunder Pressure
Thunderhanded Compliment
General Thunderstanding
Six Feet Thunder
Thunder Arrest
BEFORE
AFTER
THIS WEEK’S REASON TO LOVE THE THUNDER EVEN THOUGH THE PRODUCT ON THE FLOOR IS AWFUL: Robert Swift’s Hair
This actually happened a little over a week ago, but I didn’t have a weekly Thunder column at that point, and these are the important things that need to be discussed. Robert Swift cut his hair.
Generally, one would think that a seven-foot tall, pasty, white guy, with body length cartoonish tattoos, fingernails painted black, and a face that resembles a Columbine shooter would stand out in the NBA. Apparently not…because when Robert Swift chopped off his curly Sideshow Bob red hair and replaced it with a closely cropped ‘do combed into a mohawk, many fans were wondering if the Thunder had signed a new guy. That just goes to show that all white guys look alike.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK: Nick Collison
Regarding the mood of the locker room:
“It shouldn’t be as happy as it is right now.”
THING TO LOOK FORWARD TO THIS WEEK: Hornets Return
Tomorrow night, the Hornets (for those who don’t remember, the first team that made OKC a “Big League City”) will make their first appearance in the Ford Center as the visiting team. I for one miss Chris Paul more than I, as a heterosexual man, care to admit. On the other hand, they are now the enemy. We as Oklahoma City fans need to realize this. So cheer, for our old guys during the player introductions if you must, but once the ball has been tipped, remind them why they never should have returned to New Orleans.
ALL STAR OF THE WEEK: Kevin Durant
With the exception of Kevin Durant playing in the Rookie/Sophomore game, the Thunder won’t be represented in the all-star game. Rightly. As such, the only thing the Thunder franchise can take pride in is that three members of the team made it on to the ballot. You see, unlike Major League Baseball, not all regular starters are listed which makes it more difficult for large markets to stuff the game full of their players (i.e. how Kosuke Fukodome was a starter for the National League this year).
The three players are Kevin Durant (obviously), Chris Wilcox (really?), and Nick Collison (are you kidding me?). In this section, I will name which candidate did the most in earning the homer-style votes the people at the Ford Center are giving them in return for the shot at a free t-shirt.
This week, and probably most weeks, it is Kevin Durant. It really wasn’t one of his better weeks, but Durant did average 21.7 points in the three games he played. He even shot better than 50% in one of them. He basically wins by default. Chris Wilcox didn’t play at all while sitting out with injuries, and I’ll get into why Collison disqualified himself later.
STATISTIC OF THE WEEK: 11.8%
That’s the shooting percentage over the week of players other than Jeff Green or Kevin Durant shooting three point shots. Green was a respectable 6 for 14 from behind the arc, which might be an anomaly considering he shot 27% on the season last year averaging less than one attempt per game. If it isn’t an anomaly, you can rest assured that opposing defenses will stop letting him take those shots wide open like they have been so far this year.
It should also be noted that these were not generally contested shots with the defender getting a hand in the shooter’s face. Opposing teams are begging the Thunder to jack up three point shots by giving them about as much space as I give my son when I’m “guarding” him while we play on his toy hoop. And, I’m pretty sure the ClarkPupp has a better success rate.
This is an important statistic because Kevin Durant needs some help. Until the Thunder can establish that they have players who can hit an outside shot, the defenses will continue to run defenses that pack in to keep Durant from driving to the basket or posting up shorter guards. In the meantime, we are going to spend a lot of time watching a great offensive player being forced into taking long jump shots.
GOAT OF THE WEEK: Nick Collison
I can accept that Robert Swift or Johan Petro would get abused by Dwight Howard (30 points, 19 rebounds, 10 blocks) and Zach Randolph (29 points, 19 rebounds). Howard and Randolph are all star caliber post players while Swift and Petro are draft busts who are just lucky to still be on a professional roster. When they look totally befuddled while trying to keep a beast like Howard away from the basket, it is par for the course.
Nick Collison, on the other hand, is a veteran who has the longest, most lucrative contract remaining on the Thunder books. He was signed to that contract because of his defensive prowess. One would think he could at least slow down the opposing team’s best post player. Then there’s the whole thing about Luis Scola dropping 23 on him, also. Scolas’s supposed to be, at best, Houston’s fourth best player.
INSPIRATION OF THE WEEK: Durant returns from ankle injury
Early in the week, Kevin Durant aggravated an ankle injury he suffered during the pre-season. That caused him to miss the first game of the week in which the team looked entirely outclassed by the Orlando Magic. By Friday, though, the team decided that his leg was healed enough to play against the New York Knicks. I’m sure the league had no influence in getting one of the league’s brightest young stars to return when the Thunder played in the nation’s largest market.
Anyway, you could tell how happy the team was to have their best player back as they got completely demolished in the first half versus the Knicks.
SILVER LINING OF THE WEEK: At least we aren’t Minnesota
“Six Feet Thunder” is more like it, but “Peace, Love and Thunderstanding” reminds me of an Elvis Costello song.
I also think Swift should have kept his ginger locks.
The looked absolutely terrible in the 2nd half last night. They flat out gave up. a Gutless team. Is it too early to start calling for PJ to be fired? He obviously can not fire them up when he needs too.
I firmly believe that Nick Collison and Earl Watson need to go. Nick has done nothing since the double-double a few weeks ago. Earl Watson went scoreless against Houston until the last bit of the game. Not to mention both Collison and Watson have stated, then “not stated” they want out of OKC. I want them out too!!!
Thank you Clark! And a big “shame on you” to the people in attendance at last nights game who booed! THIS is our team people and we need to support them–like we said we would!!! Reminds me of the kid who BEGS for the puppy and then complains when said puppy chews up their favorite Game-Boy! That being said, I am not above calling for an immediate line-up change (starting Westbrook for one!) and dangling Collison and Watson out for anyone even remotely interested. I can’t believe Clay and Co. (not to mention Stern…)would go through all this effort and expense to let us become the laughinstock of the whole NBA! I realize that the economy is collapsing as we speak, and Aubrey and the others probably have bigger fish to fry than thier expensive toys in the Ford Center but COME ON! Something needs to be done, and I don’t think it can wait until the All-Star break.
laughingstock–sorry
Dang Clark, did you ever consider trying your hand as a sports writer? I don’t know if you ever have but, that is an entertaining piece of work.
At Monday’s game with Houston,a lady read a prayer before the game followed by some ritual flashy flag worship. Now, it seems even god is refusing to get involved with our majot league city effort.
I booed.
On the bright side, booing is the next step in becoming a big league city.
I did not boo, but I think we had a right too last night. They was no effort for 3/4ths of the 4th quarter. This is what seperates them from the Hornets, even though they stunk (the 1st year), they played hard thru the whole game, the Thunder do not.. Thats my biggest beef. Watson played ok last night, only because he was playing against his BFF Baron the thug Davis…. I think Westbrook, Green, Durant combo can be special, but I think the other pieces around them are dragging them down. I think I was in better position to rebound form my seat then Robert Swift 1/2 the time..
Only OU fans boo their own players Patrick.
Magician at half time, gay or not gay?
Staying in your seat to watch the magician at halftime? Definitely ghey.
It couldn’t have been worse than the shirtless dudes who “balanced” on one another during halftime of a couple of Hornets games.
Sterrapin: “Peace, Love and Thunderstanding” reminds me of an Elvis Costello song, too. Wait just a doggone minute, you don’t think….? Naaaaw. It couldn’t be.
Man, it was never too early to call for PJ’s head. Seriously. Has any basketball player or fan had an ounce of respect for him since the choking? I sure haven’t. And, oh yeh, let’s not forget…these boys are pros. We can boo them if we want. After all, we are paying for those seats we sit in.
I like thunderwelmed the best. Although when I heard that Elton John “I Guess That’s Why They Call It the Blues” song while shopping yesterday I had forgotten how he sings “thundah” and it made me wish the team was the OKC Thundah instead.
Funniest post of this series….simply the name “i will cut you.”
Was Bobbi Burbridge Lane the one reading the prayer? Maybe the difference between Hornets in OKC year one and Thunder in OKC year one is coaching. Guys (and by guys, I mean guys not named Jason Kidd) are going to play harder for Byron Scott than PJ Carlisimo.
We knew this team was going to suck, but they suck beyond belief.
Take a lesson from Cub fans OKC, or it will be back to the bush leagues before you know it.
iwillcutyou: Yeah, I know. My first comment on TLO since they started requiring registration and I bombed. I hadn’t left a comment here in a verrrry long time before last night.
I probably could see my way clear to actually get behind this team if they had a better coach, because I’m having a hell of a time getting hyped about them (and NBA basketball in general anymore. I much prefer college b-ball and think the NBA game vibe is artificial and dumbed-down). I like Weezy and Colly and D-Mase and Joe Smith because I liked them as college players, but you’d think people have figured out by now that maybe PJC is just simply not an NBA head coach. Maybe he should be back down in college: In another dimension of time I vaguely remember him coaching Seton Hall to the Final Four or something.
But watch, they will fire PJC and I can just hear them announce that his replacement would be somebody like … Terry Stotts (his last coaching gig was in Milwaukee if memory serves. They weren’t very good then). As if they think, “oh, OU alum” (yeah, a very long ago removed OU alum that played for Dave Bliss long before he became infamous) will do the trick? There’s a reason he was fired from ATL and MKE. Fine assistant coach, absolutely, probably a good Xs and Os guy, just not head coaching material.
Is Avery Johnson still available, and could he be sweet-talked into whipping this motley crew of ragtag ballers into shape?
I think P.J. will make it through this season, but if Johnson is still working in a studio once the lottery position is locked down, the Thunder would be crazy not to make a play to sign him.
Man, you guys are harsh. Everyone knew the Sonics sucked. Did anyone actually think they could turn it around in the first week of the season? Please!! Just wait and see what you hear around here if they still suck five years from now. People will be calling for Bob Stoops to take a second job.
Or maybe they should just hire Bobbie Brrrrrrrbridge Lane…at least let her talk to them in the locker room.
I look forward to hearing Robert Swift doing commercials with her.
Seriously, we are harsh? We knew they sucked sure, but we didnt know they sucked and just gave up and forgot how to play hard for 4 quarters.
At least PJC is gone now.