Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Douche bag’s dont make good editor’s or righters

The image above is the front cover of something called “Oklahomas College Crowd.”  For those who have never seen or read it, it appears to be Oklahoma’s (note the correct apostrophe use) first ever magazine to be published exclusively for douche bags by douche bags.

Other than a few pictures of hot chicks, the magazine totally blows.  It’s almost like some rich ex-frat boy got some of his dad’s money and decided he’d create a magazine to impress his rich ex-frat boy friends.  Just check out their “Dating 101″ article.  It has no byline, so we’ll just assume it’s written by Jack McBride (who happens to be the magazine’s publisher).  Here it is…verbatim:

If I really like a girl and want to impress her with a fun, exciting, and unique date that she will tell all her friends about I will take her Rock Climbing!  I know what you’re thinking, expensive, hassle, long way to drive; etc. Rocktown is an indoor rock climbing gym right by downtown OKC!  They feature indoor and outdoor top rope and lead climbs up to 90 feet.  It will cost you about $20 dollars each for you to rent equipment and all day climb pass.  It’s very safe, a lot of fun, and you’re sure to impress her with a date she has never experienced!

I think that sound you just heard was a bunch of fired Oklahoman journalists vomiting on their keyboards at the same time.

Seriously, that piece of writing is so bad it makes me want to sneak into Jack McBride’s office late one night and remove the exclamation point button from his keyboard.  While there, I’d also throw away his Maxim magazines and “How to Get Laid” books.  I’d replace them with an AP Stylebook and “Journalism for Dummies.” I’d also place Scotch tape over the laser on his mouse and see if he ever figured it out.  I wonder if he would.

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Comments

  1. “…you’re sure to impress her with a date she has never experienced!”
    Because if rock climbing had interested her, she would have already gone.

    How to know your date is a true douchebag…without telling you, he reserves a rock climbing day for you.

    “If you want me, I’ll be in the bar.”

  2. Maybe “rock climbing” is a clever euphemism for…well, you know… wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more say no more.

  3. So what do I say “about that guy”? I could say he seems like a craftsman tool. I could say that his picture coupled with the David Archuleta song on his myspace page make him seem like he probably likes rainbows. I could say that the comment below his “about me” section that says, “I’ve known you for 15 years and that’s the deepest I’ve ever known you to get!” says it all.

  4. Or you could take her on a date whereby the two of you watch Toby Keith climb rocks (unbutton a couple more buttons, Toby)with a straw cowboy hat and s*&#kickers on (always). Or maybe just watch him throw hay bales on and off a gigantic Ford truck. Or throw him off a big rock. That would be a time she would never forget.

  5. So he went to UCO from 2004 wo 2007, wrote “N/A” next to graduation, but then listed himself as an Alumni. That actually explains a lot…

  6. Wow, he knows Travis Pastrana.

    Do you think he paid MONEY to have those pictures made? They look really professional. I bet he smells like an Abercrombie store.

  7. Wubbytoes is correct; this shit is hilarious
    Another excerpt from his Dating tips article:
    I always start by bringing my date a flower. This is easy, there
    is a 7 Eleven on every corner that sells single roses for $3. This
    makes a girl feel very special and romantic, and since no guy does
    it these days you have already shown that you are different.

    Yes, there is nothing that will make a woman feel special like flowers. However, a 3 dollar rose from 7 Eleven screams “I was too cheap to buy nice flowers and too inconsiderate to spend any more time than 3 minutes before this date to pick them out.” What a douche!

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