Tulsa teenage boys with pent-up sexual frustration have lost their biggest self-service pumping material.  Kristen Glover is engaged.  This shocked me because I thought Kristen was Jim’s trophy wife, a radically younger Paulette (1-800-2SellHomes).

Her fiancé, damn him, is Wesley William Galyean of Ardmore.  He rides horses or something.  I rode a horse once and saw no one that resembled Kristen Glover, but plenty of female truck drivers.

I sense an arranged marriage because it would take a special man to win the heart of Jim Glover.  Based on information I’ve made up from sources that don’t exist, the special man that would have to endure:

10.  Holiday Family Showers.

9.  Potato Sack Races.

8.  Saturday Night Reenactments of Annie.

7.  Rainbows and Unicorns.

6.  Holding a frightened Kristen after Jim reads Where The Wild Things Are to her in bed.

5.  Father-Daughter Duet Karaoke Night.

4.  DNA tests on Maury Povich.

3.  Coloring with Kristen.

2.  Hannah Montana:  The Movie.

1.  Hearing “My dad would do it!” during every argument.

I could throw in a lingerie or naked twister joked to make Patrick giggle, but I don’t want to risk creating humor.

P.S.  For more non-humor, check out my Meat Skittles or these QT Brownie Bites.

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