Not all Tulsans are trashy, only a select few that live in various apartment buildings and trailer parks around the city are trashy.  Oklahoma City has these people too.  These are people that consider McDonald’s fries a vegetable and let their kids run barefoot through Walmart.  In the Sand Springs Walmart, I once saw Paris Microtel Hilton (think chubby Oklahoman wearing a tube-top for a skirt.)

Actually, this post is for one specific trashy individual.  This is for the jacka** that enters through the outdoor every morning at QuikTrip.  In the U.S, we enter on the right and exit on the right.  That keeps you from scalding my face with my French Vanilla Cappuccino.

I know that not everyone can afford nice clothes, dental care or soap, but there a few simple low-cost solutions to look less trashy.

First, the mullet needs to go.  It’s not the early 90s and we’re now obsessed with Miley, not Billy.  Just because there’s not much hair on your head, does not mean you can overcompensate by growing it down your back.

Second, if you stretch your arms in the air and more than zero inches of your stomach shows, you need a longer shirt.

Third, your “Git r done” and confederate flag bumper stickers are not signs of pride or taste.  They’re signs of abortion survival.  You might want to talk to your mother.

Fourth, it’s 7:30 a.m.  Why do you have body odor?  I could snort a line of bleach and battery acid and still only smell your funk.   In past two weeks, it has rained at least ten inches in Oklahoma.  Stand outside and let nature do its work.

Finally, why the hip bag?  You’re not a 60-year-old tourist.  Not even the shake-and-bake meth cookers are seen with those bags.

Thanks for allowing me to vent Oklahoma City.  Remember, use the door on the right and pull up your tube tops.

(P.S.  On the same day, I lost my temper with a door-to-door salesman.  To read that experience, check out F**-Q, The Dash is Silent.)