Now that Kathy Taylor has decided not to run for re-election, it’s opened the door for every delusional Tulsan that believes they are the next mayor.  Have they not learned from reality TV?  Once you announce you’re “going to win the challenge,” you’re voted off.

Not one possible candidate excites me, mainly because Taylor wiped out 4 years worth of posts and now I have to learn someone new.

An elephant?  Chera Kimiko?  A meteorologist’s mustache?  I don’t know.  If I have to learn someone new,  I’ve hope it’s one of these possible candidates:

• Sneezy, Tulsa Zoo Bull Elephant

One year after the Tulsa Zoo borrowed OKC’s female elephants, he hasn’t mated with either one.  That’s displays great inner strength … or an extreme fear of crabs.  Slogan: Synergistically Fabricate Exceptional Leadership.

• Mr. M, Breakout Star of The Letter People

Mr. M is my desperate attempt to have my own Cardboard Jim, so I’ve listed him here.  Slogan: Munch, Munch, Munch.

• Chera Kimiko, KOKI Fox 23 Anchor

She may not be qualified, and she may not own a pink bikini, but she’s hot.  It’s time Tulsa had an attractive mayor.  Slogan: In the Fox Box.

• Brick, Ceramic Material for Construction

Tulsa is familiar with its usual response.  Slogan: (Declined to comment.)

• Travis Meyer’s Mustache,  KOTV Meteorologist’s Companion

Travis Meyer’s all-powerful mustache can predict the weather and strong fiscal decisions.  Slogan: Tickles for Tulsa.

• Biker Fox, Biking Multi-Millionaire

The voices in his head don’t control him and neither will the city council.  Plus, I’m curious as to what he Tweets.  Slogan: Girls Rules.

•  Daisy, My Mom’s Dog

Ever since my mom adopted Daisy, she’s become her favorite child.  It could work for the city.  Slogan: It’s Bacon!!!!!!!

•  Trudy Ireland, Tulsa Female Bodybuilder

She will destroy all that oppose her.  Plus, she can use the men’s or women’s locker room unnoticed.  (If you need it, here are 10 Warning Signs Trudi Ireland is Using the Men’s Locker Room.)  Slogan: No Pain, No Penis.