Well kids, I think today’s going to be different. You know why? Because it’s the first day of my life that I’ve awoken knowing that I’m no longer on the same planet as Michael Jackson. I was born in 1976, so MJ had a pretty big role in my childhood. In lieu of his passing and my unsettling devotion to his early career, I’ve decided to only do three events today in order to talk about Mr. Jackson a bit while staying under my 1,500 word limit. Some day I’ll work my way up to 8,000 like Clark Matthews did. Until then, this is all you’ll get. But it’s another rare display of sincerity in which I’ll actually attempt to be thoughtful and honest, but I’ll probably just end up with my thumb up my ass again. Oh well.

When Thriller came out, I was 6 years old. The next year, my parents divorced and my mom, sister and I moved into a smaller house across town. We soon converted the garage into a typical playroom for me and my sis, who was 5 at the time. No kids’ playroom in the 80s was complete without a Fisher Price record player. Ours was the first item added to the new room, but shortly thereafter, we added Thriller. I don’t know whose idea it was, or who bought it, but it was the first record I ever owned, loved or memorized. There was no going back. I was a 7 year old terminally caucasian boy from a small town in Oklahoma, but in my carpeted garage, I was Michael effing Jackson. I was serious about this. I owned a white glove. But more importantly, I owned one of these. It was out of control. In spite of the years of terror pangs and paranoia it may have provided, the Thriller video remains one of the most vivid reminders of my childhood. That shit was scurry, man! I was quite relieved when MTV finally showed the “making of” special, so I could tell myself that those were humans after all, and finally know it to be true. But still I loved it. No, listen: I LOVED IT. But it went beyond the videos and the songs. The entire world loved Michael for being a genuinely kind, caring human and possessing talents that rendered lots of folks dizzy when in his presence. They were mostly ladies. Michael Jackson was the 80s, and myself and all the other kids of the 80s who grew up idolizing him have felt a lot of collective heartbreak over the fiery nosedive his life took. Nose joke. Naturally, having grown up with him, I prefer this Michael to this one. Nobody seems to be sure what really turned him so “crazy”, but I can tell you that singing love songs for grown women when you’re 12–and sending them out of their damn minds in the process–will warp any kid. There’s no reason to focus on the negatives of his life now, because the positives outweigh them by a zillion tons. He changed music. He sure as shit changed music television. I just wish that doing so wouldn’t have changed him as much as it did. That’s one of the biggest “What if?” questions in the history of popular music. You never know with questions like that. “What if Michael Jackson hadn’t lost it?” “What if Hendrix had fallen asleep on his stomach that night?” “What if Courtney Love hadn’t shot Tupac and Biggie?” Don’t worry yourself over such things. Just put on your zippery jacket, your favorite MJ album, close your eyes and moonwalk. Just ask Michael for help. He can hear you. Because he’s in your closet. This week’s meme: RIFPMJ, which I invented, just now. On to the weekend.

Clinton Route 66 Festival – Clinton, OK – June 27

Hot rods? Yes. Hot dogs? Yes. Hot womerns? It’s Oklahoma so, probably. I guess I’m fairly aware of Route 66 lore, but I have to admit to a bit of ignorance here. I’m not entirely sure how you celebrate a road. Do you bake it a cake? Knowing my luck, I would bake Route 66 the best damn cake you’ve ever seen, then right as I’m walking it over with the candles all lit, I’d trip and drop Route 66’s cake right on its asphalt. Ha! Man that was a long way to go for a terrible ass/asphalt joke. Damn right it was. I know Clinton is a hell of a drive, but guess what legendary road you’ll be taking there. That’s right — Historic Interstate 40 West!

Disney’s High School Musical 2 – Civic Center – June 25-28

Oh. Emm. Gee. Like. Wow. First off, no, the above picture doesn’t have much to do with the actual stage play, but it was my favorite one. Ok, I once again have to admit to having no opinion on this thing. I’m sure I’ve heard these songs on the radio or in the few suicide encouragement seminars I made it to this year, but I don’t know that I could tell you anything about them. I can tell you this about the production though: uh, it’ll be awesome. The Civic Center is an amazing place to see anything, and the folks at the Lyric Theater don’t mess around. It’ll be good, if you’re into that sort of thing. My only opinion has to do with the cast. The show naturally features local performers, and included among them is a friend and sometimes podcast-guest-person, Matthew Alvin Brown. Matt’s a very talented guy. He’s done a few really odd things that I’ve enjoyed and he’s done some really good things that lots and lots of people have enjoyed. Unless the internet rumors are false, Matt’s time in Oklahoma is limited, so go catch a good Okie performer while you can. Bring him a pie. He’ll never forget you.

Get Motivated! – Cox Convention Center – June 30

What a weird ass panel of speakers this thing boasts. They include Bob Stoops, Laura Bush, Colin Powell and Joe Montana. I don’t know if I’m impressed or repelled. Either way this thing will be more popular than a buttered vagina. There’s nothing like getting motivated by people who have been there and done that and pushed the envelope only to discover the inner strength that helps them break down barriers and change paradigms and synergize your priorities into opportunties or opportunities to improve your critical thinking decisioning process. You want motivation? Here’s what I suggest: boil 4lbs. of sausage, stuff it in your pants, and let the neighbors pet mountain lion out of its cage in the backyard. You’ll get so damn motivated before you know it, you’ll wake up as Pope!