Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

John Ensign Has a Vagina


Nevada senator John Ensign has had a tough time recently.  When first running for the office of U.S. Senator in the wake of the Monica Lewinsky scandal, then Representative Ensign had this to say when calling for Bill Clinton to resign:

I came to that conclusion recently, and frankly it’s because of what he put his whole Cabinet through and what he has put the country through.  He has no credibility left.

So, it was a bit of shock that Ensign forfeited all his credibility so he could cheat on his wife with the wife of his chief of staff.  The hypocrisy is fantastic, but the real crime might be the man law he violated by bringing his friend and current Oklahoma Senator, Tom Coburn into the scandal.

It’s one thing to go to your buddy for advice, but that’s where it ends.  You take the advice and either use it or don’t use it.  What Ensign apparently did, though, was akin to when a guy argues with his girlfriend and bust out with, “well, Tom thinks you’re just on the rag.”

In this case, what the Nevada Senator actually did was disclose Senator Coburn’s advice to the cuckholded husband, who naturally didn’t feel any reason to keep it a secret.  According to an interview Doug Hampton, the wronged man, gave to a Nevada television station and attributed these words to Coburn:

‘Listen, you’ve got to deal with this. Make these folks whole. Let them get out of your life. And let’s move on.’

Actually, that’s pretty good advice.  The problem came about with the way Ensign interpreted the advice.  He started writing Hampton checks.  And Hampton, playing the role of pimp for his wife’s services, thought this was a fair way to, as Coburn put it, “make (them) whole.”  In his defense, the wife is apparently a floozy, and the Nevada politician reportedly gave him over six-figures.

Now the matter is going before the senate ethics committee and Coburn, obviously, wants his advice to his friend John to be privileged.  Unfortunately for him, there is no “Mano y Mano” (edit:  As a result of Randy Terrill’s “English Only Bill”, the phrase used here must be amended to “Man-to-Man”) privilege recognized by senate rules.  So,  Coburn is reaching to find a way to hide his involvement from investigators.  He says that if asked, he will invoke patient/doctor privilege.

Prior to being elected to the Senate, Coburn was a physician.  On the other hand, he was an gynecologist.  So, that can only mean one thing:  John Ensign has a vagina.


  1. wow. by taking the money, that guy officially upgraded his wife from slut to whore. if your choices are to have your wife cheat and get nothing, versus have her cheat and get paid, then “make it rain.”

    great article.

  2. clever defense by Coburn. Blocks the spread of his advice AND insults the guy who broke the man code

  3. Senator Ensign doesn’t have to HAVE a vagina, he is just proving that he IS a ________ !!!(insert common euphemism for vagina here……)

    But shouldn’t our Bible waving morality Senator have asked his friend to do the right thing and confess and step down? Although I can only assume that the penchant for infidelity is the LONE qualifier for the Senate!

  4. What would our esteemed Junior Hypocrite from the Great State of Oklahoma have had to say if Ensign had been a Democrat? Only kind words of forgiveness and understanding.

  5. Clark,

    Actually “Mano y Mano” translates to “man and Man.” In Spanish, “y” translates to “and.”

    Otherwise, thanks for spotlighting Dr. Tom’s hypocrisy. It goes well beyond what you have discussed here, however. “The Family,’ the secretive Christian cult from whom Sen. Tom, Sen. John rent D.C. apartments and from whom South Carolina Gov. Mark rented a room when he was a member of the U.S. House, has a philosophy of extreme entitlement that explains Sen. Tom’s actions.

    “The Family” believes that these ‘Christian’ ‘leaders’ have been chosen by God to lead and are above rules that apply to other people. They believe that these ‘Christian leaders’ should not have to worry about financial pressures. Thus, they find funds to help each other when financial difficulties arise.

    It is also interesting to know that Sen. John’s parents sold a Las Vegas casino for $300 million.

    None of these men is worthy of remaining in their positions as our representatives in the nation’s law-making body or as the leader of the government of a state.

    Finally, it appears to me that a case can be made that Sen. Tom was party to both the seeking and payment of a bribe — hush money. He should be investigated, and his flimsy claims to keeping his discussions with Sen. John secret will not prevent that ‘advice’ from being disclosed in the investigation.

  6. Clark,

    I should have added that “Mano a Mano” means “Man to Man.” In Spanish, “a” means “to.”

  7. Mano a mano literally means “hand to hand”, as in hand to hand combat. Hombre means man. So in a sense, man to man, or person to person, is an acceptable translation, though not a literal translation. Hope this clears up the insignificant error in an fine column.

  8. @Michael–Great insights and comments regarding Coburn and his “family” but you may have your translation/origination info wrong:
    From Websters: without advantage (to either of two contestants); lit., hand to hand.

    Clark may be mistaken in the formal correct use of the phrase, which is related to fighting, and fairness, NOT “just between us guys”. But, it IS often used that way in common slang.

    *YEEESSSS it IS my day to be the grammar police-so THERE!

  9. Girlballer,

    I apologize for bringing you up short inm mid-pat-on-your-own-back. However, “Mano y Mano” means what you and CLark say only through adoption into general use of an error.

    From WikaAnswers.com:
    What does mano y mano mean? “hand to hand”, i.e. one on one, man to man, etc. (the proper spelling is actually “mano a mano”. “mano y mano” translates to “hand and hand”).

    I’m pleased for the opportunity to police the Grammar Police.

    Now, I must leave to gag as Sen. Tommy-Boy has begun his opening statement in the Sonia Sotomayor Supreme Court hearing.

  10. I probably meant mano a mano. Randy Terrill is smiling that Spanish hasn’t infiltrated enough for me to get it correct.

    But thanks for the in depth discussion.

  11. Did you happen to read the article in the Dallas Morning News online about this? I did a Twitter search last night – ONE person in Oklahoma tweeted about this – @dansden – a retired UMC pastor.

    BTW, congrats on making the Gazette’s list!

  12. Clark – The Tulsa World and others reported that Dr. Tom also said his “advice” was privileged because of his role as a Baptist deacon. Which leaves me to ask, why didn’t my Baptist deacons consider that privilege when they ratted me out to my parents after church camp??? Great post! Still think you’re the state’s best editorial writer …

  13. This is ironic comedy at it’s best, I’m just waiting to see what skeleton’s start falling out of Coburn’s closet. I’ve noticed the most outspoken senate republican’s are generally guilty of the opposite of what they preach….. so how many dollars has Coburn ripped off from Oklahomans…. only time will tell, or maybe captain of the vajayjay ship, Ensign. awesome post!

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