Here we are, folks. Another Friday. If you’re half as excited as you smell, then this is going to be a good one. So, it’s been sort of a crazy week, huh? Long-time senator Ted Kennedy died. This is my moment of silence for him. __________ Okay, I think that went pretty well. Pretty effing respectful, if you ask me. It was also a week for comebacks. Michael Vick took a few snaps in the NFL, and Whitney Houston released an album. Neither were very impressive, but they both got a few more hot dogs sold, didn’t they? That’s the important thing. I’m not saying I’m not moved a little by their “redemption”, but I don’t really care. They’re both a bit off, and they both seem to only be good at one thing. And that thing is singing beautifully. I think they’ll be married by 2012. What a couple!
This weekend seemed to have no shortage of ridiculousness. There’s a bit of a redneck influence, so we’ll see how low the bar gets set. I didn’t even have to make anything up. Which I’ve never done. Here are some “real” events for you to “attend”. Go?

Larry the Cable Guy – August 29 – Firelake Grand Casino

Ahhh. Finally — some gotdanged thinkin’ man’s comedy. So here’s the thing: I’m not a fan, but I get it. Say what you will, but if nothing else, Dan Whitney is a brilliant business man. Sure, Larry the Cable Guy is a ridiculous stereotype of a character, but you can’t argue with his numbers. That guy makes ass-tons of money, and doesn’t even have to write his own material. It’s perfect. He just puts on his overalls, tries to ‘member his words, drinks 9 beers and boom — stand up comedy gold! I’ll talk shit about Mr. Whitney after I’ve also been in a Pixar movie. So…yeah, anyway.

Kenny Rogers – August 28 – Downstream Casino (Where?)

Can you guess who taught me how to know when to hold ‘em? How about knowing when to fold ‘em? Well, if you guessed your Uncle Marty because he taught you some weird lessons you didn’t ask to learn, you’re wrong. I grew up with Kenny Rogers, mostly because he’s the man my mom actually wanted to marry. I have some pretty vivid memories of Mr. Rogers’s music, including the pictures from a concert on this tour. Yes, that makes me old. And yes, that makes my mom a would-be country groupie, but trust me, your mom’s done worse. WAY worse. Trust me.

Elvis and Reba Tribute – August 29 – Oklahoma Country-Western Museum & Hall of Fame

I’m not sure what the hell’s going on here. Um…Elvis AND Reba impersonators? The fact that my google search for “Reba tribute” gave me a wonderful pic of a transvestite Reba gave me all the info I need. It could be the most accidentally hilarious event of the weekend, but it’s a gamble. There’s nothing like having to gamble on your entertainment. Anytime you’re out looking for something to do and your friend says something like, “Come on man; we’ll be okay.”, just know that you’re in for a gamble. Maybe even a felony. I hope you fare better than me when your friends get you into something stupid. I can pretty much dig a 4-foot deep hole in my sleep now. Never mind that.

Harvest Grapes – Seriously.

So. Trickery’s the game, eh Wimgo? Trying to trick us into harvesting your damn grapes!? After zero investigation, I’m not sure how this benefits your next fundraiser, so there’s gotta be something shady going on. The last time I was conned into harvesting grapes, it was the great depression and Oklahoma just wasn’t inhabitable. My family and I loaded up our truck and headed West, fighting off hardship after hardship. I think someone wrote a book about us or made a movie or something. Nobody cares. I don’t even like grapes.