FNITBT – Nov. 6-8

INNOVATION ALERT: I honestly don’t know what to talk about this week. I usually try to get things zooming along with some hilariously angry quipping about something that happened, or didn’t happen, to me or someone I know. Or know of. But this week was fairly normal. I guess the World Series ended. That’s good news. I would love to start bashing baseball right now because I genuinely dislike it, but since Patrick is a huge fan (Lenny Dykstra guest towels? Really, man?) I’ll refrain. I’d be disappointed if making fun of the MLB cost me my lofty position(s) here at The Lost Ogle. The other thing is, if it went down like that I wouldn’t be around to see Patrick getting me drunk enough to think that I was talking to Hugh Hefner at the Playboy Mansion on a Friday night in OKC. Classic Chad. I’m told it was a Halloween party, but for a minute or two I swore I was stuck in a complicated plotline from The Justice League of Oklahoma #5. Something about “justice” or a “final chapter” or some shit. I don’t really remember. Ok, that’s probably enough. Have a safe weekend folks, and here’s what I’m'a go do.

Classical Mystery Tour – Civic Center – Nov. 6

You know, this is one of those weeks that I actually had a few things planned, and then I started looking and everything got usurped or bumped or canceled altogether, except this. How cool will it be? It’ll be cooler than the money shot in a snowman porno, that’s how cool. And that’s nothing to scoff at. Basically this is your standard Beatles tribute band, but it’s been kicked up a notch or ten. The presence of an orchestra at what more or less amounts to a Beatles show (I know; not quite, Chad) is a pretty significant addition. I have to stop for a second and call “biased” on myself. It’s no secret that The Beatles are maybe the most important–and my personal favorite–band of all time. The idea of getting to see their songs fully-realized in an amazing live setting gets my curly hairs all hot, if you know what I mean. So come see me at the Civic Center tonight. I’ll be the bearded guy in the Andrew Dice Clay t-shirt that reads, “Eleanor Rigby? I fu*ked her!” Classic Chad.

Women & Horses Expo – Lazy E Arena – Nov. 6

Ok, I know. It’s not going to be anything like the picture I put up for it. But wouldn’t that be more interesting? When I read the words “Women & Horses Expo”, my mind didn’t instantly slip into the sexily evil gutters of filth and depravity like you’d imagine. No, my mind landed on something far sexier: Practicality. If I had a woman AND a horse, I’d be uneffingstoppable! While the woman plows the fields and races for money, that sweet ass horse will be making sandwiches and darning socks all day. I dare say it would be a perfect world. Maybe not your idea of perfect, but you don’t matter. It would be amazing. Imagine  a world where I’m apparently married to a horse and have a woman pulling our buggy. Now imagine that the poor woman dragging us to town is Claudia Schiffer, but from like, 1993. Now imagine me with no pants. Haaaa! You liked it.

National Weather Festival – Norman? – Nov. 7

If this is anything even remotely unlike the festival illustrated above, then it has no business using the words “weather”, “festival”, or “titular”. No, that last one isn’t in there, but it’s fun to giggle at.

World Organization of China Painters Museum – Daily

Once again, Queen Mother Wimgo hath given unto me something dumb. Don’t misread that as being a museum dedicated to Chinese painters. Nope, these are dish painters. I guess fine China is valuable and stuff, but who cares? Your dead grandma, that’s who. Also, I have another issue with this: What’s with all the bizarro museums, Oklahoma?

This is the point in the post where we see if you’re still reading: I’m considering dedicating a week or two of FNITB to flushing out all these weird little museums, just to drive throngs of unhappy office workers (and gorgeous local news casters, of course) throught their doors. Let us know if that would be A.) Just odd enough to be funny, or B.) So odd that not even Chad’s stupid ass could make it funny, and that dumbass is funny. Yes, those are your only two choices. Jerk. Now, get to your Prius and go see who painted Grandma’s dinner plates. INNOVATION ALERT: Is “see who painted Grandma’s dinner plates” a brand new euphemism? I think so, Internet!