Well fellas, scratch another Oklahoma hottie off your lists: Carrie Underwood is officially engaged. And that’s actually the good news. The bad news is that her luckier-than-heck fiancee is professional jerk, Mike Fisher of the NHL’s Ottawa Senators. That’s right folks; an American Idol is engaged to a Canadian! As if Canada weren’t already polluting our nation with sub-par comedians, musicians, and well, pollution. Naturally I love a few Canadians, but this crosses the line.
Not because I’m a country music fan who secretly pines for the day I might run into Ms. Underwood at Penn Square and win her over by not being a “fan”. And it’s definitely not because I’m jealous of more hot celebrities getting engaged and taking the leap into our most sacred American institution: Celbrity Power-Coupledom. I’m not really sure what to call them. “Fisherwood”? Pretty weak, if you ask me. My biggest problem is with Mike Fisher. It’s no secret that I’m a big hockey fan. But it probably is a secret (because you don’t watch hockey) that the Ottawa Senators are some of the biggest choke artists in the NHL. I’m not exaggerating when I say that this engagement is probably their finest victory of the decade. And that’s just sad.
So, how does a girl from Checota, OK can find wedded bliss with a mildly-dirty third line center from Ontario? A quick peek at the Ottawa Daily Times gave me no information, because they’re too busy reporting on stories with headlines such as “Librarian Would Like More Time to Read” and “OPINION: Is There a Santa Claus?” I’m 100% serious about both of those stories. Oh, those adorable Canadians. Word is the couple met at one of Carrie’s concerts in Toronto. BORR-RIIING. I wanted something much seedier than that, but seeing as how they’re both devout Christians, I guess a little boring is to be expected.
Luckily Mr. Fisher won’t have to plan the wedding around the playoffs. Because the Sens SUCK. I mean, their best player is an oft-injured 37 year old Swedish guy. Ugh, I just hate ‘em so much! My personal sports hatreds aside, of course I wish the happy couple all the best, and I hope they help teach millions of people that marriage is a wonderful, joyous event. According to Confucius, “Marriage is the union (of the representatives) of two different surnames, in friendship and in love, in order to continue the posterity of the former sages, and to furnish those who shall preside at the sacrifices to heaven and earth, at those in the ancestral temple, and at those at the altars to the spirits of the land and grain.” Yeah, if you’re famous.
You know what would have been hilarious? Carrie Underwood-Dominik Hasek. You know what would have been just sad? Carrie Underwood-Slava Koslov. (Does my history of Detroit Red Wings hockey show?)
I used to play shinny with Mike Fisher in our hometown of Peterborough. Carrie has been to Petes to meet his family, who, as you know, are all born-agains. While I know nothing about this Underwood bird, I can say Fisher’s a choir-boy. Don’t be shocked if he ends up in a Preds sweater before long. I’ll tell him you don’t approve
BTW, it’s nice to see an informed hockey post in Oklahoma once in a while.
Is it just me or does he look like the main villain from “Cobra”
“I’ll blow this place up!”*
“Go ahead. I don’t shop here.”
* I know he didn’t say that line
Actually a far more entertaining irony would have had Carrie getting engaged to Ranger Sean Avery, thereby marrying him to Tony Romo’s “sloppy seconds”(to use the term Sean so eloquently used himself).
I believe the correct term for them will be FisherWood.
Bah. Carrie quit being a real Okie when she became a vegetarian at age 13. Compared to that, marrying a Canadian means nothing.
Blame Canada.