Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Who Are The “Mystery Anchors” On KWTV at 4 PM?

Last week, News 9 at 4 host Melissa Maynarich had a baby, and in a nice piece of marketing, KWTV has decided to bring in “Mystery Anchors” to host one week of the program each week of February during her maternity leave. It kicked off with the great Jenifer Reynolds, who left her dogfighting ring for the week to do what so far has been an admirable job.

Who might be the “Mystery Anchors” we see the next few weeks? A few predictions/suggestion after the jump:

Mitch Jelniker

Mitch Jelniker was a personal favorite, and I would like to see him back if for no other reason than to once again see his glorious head of hair. You know that scene in Seinfeld where Jerry is trying to convince George to go out with one of Elaine’s friends, and George wants to know if she has “thick, luscious, hair” and if you put your hand in it whether it would be “easy to get out?” Try to watch that scene again after reading this post without thinking of Mitch Jelniker.

The little brother from A Christmas Story

Hey, it’s wasn’t me who said it”¦

Rick Neuheisel

Word around the water cooler is that even beyond our known mystery anchor possibilities, Dean Blevins knows of a “mystery” mystery anchor who’s name is in the mix. I think we all know who that must be.

The dude breastfeeding that baby in the Shape Fitness commercial

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Not going to happen but this gives me the opportunity to write about how I don’t know what the hell is up with this commercial. What the hell is up with this commercial?! The first time I saw it I thought I was on a bad acid trip or something. It’s like a weirdass combination of a David Lynch film and a Flaming Lips video. Honestly I’m not sure if this is greatness or the worst thing to come out of Oklahoma since that guy from Earl’s complained that his woman called him sens-u-tuv.

Jim Traber

“TO RECAP THE TOP STORY, POWER REMAINS OUT IN VARIOUS PLACES THROUGHOUT THE STATE! OFFICIALS ARE WORKING AROUND THE CLOCK TO GET EVERYTHING UP AND RUNNING! OK, OK, I’LL BE THE ONE TO SAY IT! THIS IS PATHETIC! THESE LOSERS BETTER HURRY UP AND FIX THE PROBLEM, BECAUSE THESE PEOPLE NEED POWER! PATHETIC! NOW LET’S GO TO DR. MARY ANN BAUMAN TO TELL US ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF CALCIUM IN PREVENTING OSTEOPOROSIS!”

Charlie Brooker

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It’s funny because it’s true (NSFW language).

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Comments

  1. Tamara Pratt! I remember her, she used to be so hot; then I saw that DA she married. Never in the history of man did someone go from “hot” to “not” any faster in my book.

  2. The Morning Animals. That way Steely could bitch about not getting a nap on live tv, Curtis could have a mini reunion and tell us how many jobs he has, and Lump could fart while interviewing the dude from AAA.

  3. Get your Seinfeld trivia right — it’s “thick lustrous” hair…

    And since the 4 pm s how is geared to a female demographic, I’m guessing we’re safe from a Jack Bowen reunion.
    It’d be kinda fun to see Brady Brus pitch it to Gary, huh?

    And I know who the other three are, but you have to promise not to tell…

  4. It’s obvious who two of the three are from the silhouettes in the promo… Jennifer Eve and Angela Buckelew…

    The third one I haven’t quite figured out…. but it would be rich if it was Ann Halloran.

  5. T Bone is correct. And the 3rd has been mentioned in this thread. And it’s NOT Jerry Adams. He’s not hot, and never was…

    Although the Ann Halloran idea would be rich. Does anyone remember her?

  6. While Mitch Jelniker and Patty Suarez would be great choices, unless something changes, it’s all women and they’re all still in Oklahoma. And I’m sorry, lifetimesooner…Tamara is still hot. That’s just a certainty in life, like death and taxes.

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