Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Tulsa Tuesday ““ This Homeowever Really Likes Water…

Holy crap!  This house, the one hidden in the rustic Midtown Tulsa forest, used nearly 4.1 million gallons of water in one year.

During a slow news days, Tulsa World investigated Tulsa’s top water users.  Anthony Lauinger’s 2.5 acre property topped the list.  They also gave his address, which is 1923 E. 47th St., for those who wish to drive by and glare.

At $2.37 per 1,000 gallons, that would equal “¦ carry the five “¦ subtract the two “¦ a lot.  Every time I attempt math, one of you corrects me.  I’ll guess about a $900 a month water bill.

I panic when my bill surpasses $50, which it usually does.

Lauinger has no pool and no fountain, but does water his trees “just enough to keep them alive.”

Not even Big Splash uses that much water.  For those of you who don’t know, Big Splash is owned by the Murphy Brothers.  Their pools are filled with mostly carnie slobber.

Of course, it could be the meter readers.  They’re only required to know third grade math.  Once my 8,000-gallon usage showed up on my bill as 80,000.

No one needs that much water … except for maybe Mike Gundy to wash the gel from his hair or for a Sally Kern enema.

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(P.S.  Helpful holiday advice.  Reasons Not to Put Out on Valentine’s Day.)

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