Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Random Musings About the Civic Center “Satanists”

The satanic exorcism at the Oklahoma City Civic Center is off!

Wait, no, it’s on.

The status keeps changing because the organization is as dysfunctional as a group of godless heathens. 

As part of my favorite story from last week, the “Church of the IV Majesties” a church of “satanic worshippers” announced on their website that their October 21st production at the OKC Civic Center had been cancelled.  The groups founder, James Hale, quickly told The Oklahoman that the event was still on as planned, but “postponed.”  As for the confusion, this is where it gets really good.

The Church of the IV Majesties has a by law banning registered sex offenders from being a member of the church.  People who love Satan have to have standards, right?  Unfortunately, one of the founders who created that by law happened to be a registered sex offender.  How did information like this fall through the cracks when the group does background checks?  Well, the guy who volunteered to do the background checks was the registered sex offender.

Awesome!  As people who supposedly worship the arch nemesis of God, that should give this guy first dibs at the head position.  Instead, he got the boot.  The beauty of this turn of events is that the sex offender/group founder who got excommunicated was the church’s web master, and the only guy with the passwords to access the Church of the IV Majesties primary method of marketing.  He then took it upon himself to cancel the churches big event.  This is like a fired pastor cancelling Easter at a Christian church.  That shows you how much power RyanAller.com has over this website.

Anyway, the presence of these guys in the news again for a production they readily admit is a big joke making fun of Catholicism had me asking other questions about them:

1.  When one of their potential members chooses Christianity over their church, does their leader go around telling people that they were never really interested in that person?

2.  Why are they called a “satanist” group?  According to their leader, “Satanism is pretty much your own god. I am my own god. We don’t worship anyone but ourselves.”  Isn’t that atheism?  I think these guys don’t believe in anything, but they think satanic emblems are cool…much like fake jedis realize (at some level) that Star Wars is fiction, but still dress up as Darth Maul.

3.  Do you think their group will read this nine months from now and start a cyber war with us?


  1. Unlike a newsroom, you know you are in hell if you only have one manager. Managers don’t go to hell; they just make hell for others. They go to heaven. Can you think of one reason why hell might be better than heaven?

  2. Consultants also go to heaven. Lucifer said he has no use for them; he runs hell perfectly without their constant meddling. He did, however, keep all engineers and lawyers. The engineers have air-conditioned hell, solved the cold beer on tap problem and are continuously improving HDTV.
    The lawyers keep God’s attempt to get some of those engineers in court and without lawyers, God can’t revoke the contracts with those pain-in-the-ass news managers and talent. The one lawyer God got, St. Thomas More, said so. Lucifer also got the judges.
    BTW, our putting greens are perfect because those p-i-t-a environmentalists took all those damned Canada Geese and armadillos to heaven with them.

  3. How could someone believe in Satan without first believing in God??? This group is completely ridiculous. It’s funny how Christians are suppose to practice religious tolerance, when stupid groups like these make it a point to ridicule others beliefs. What do I have to say about it? What-EVER

  4. Does that now make them The Church of the III Majesties? Because they seriously need to be demoted for their poor work performance.

  5. I find it refreshing to know that Satanists have better moral standards than Catholics.

    James Hale is a better man than any pope in my lifetime!

  6. Satanism is kind of a misnomer. It’s not like they believe everything the Bible teaches and they just prefer to worship the evil guy instead of the good one. It’s more philosophy than religion, and really flawed philosophy at that. A lot of their beliefs are really close to Ayn Rand.

    They are kind of like humanists. The basic concept is that selfishness and other so-called “sins” are human nature, and there is nothing wrong with them. The idea is that strength and talent are all that matters and should be rewarded.

    The twist is that a lot of Satanists grew up in the church and have a chip on their shoulder, so they call themselves Satanists and pull stunts like these to piss off Christians. They are mostly atheists who love Ayn Rand and get a kick out of antagonizing organized religions.

  7. How can a Satanist be an Atheist? To admit to one admits to the other, right? Also, these are the very same people who are in that idiotic Society for Creative Anacronism, going around-putting on their god awful medieval faires and crap. Please Please Please for the love of all that’s holy/unholy, somebody find a Taser X12 Mossberg and let em have it while they’re in their “baptismal font.”

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