When the Tulsa County Fair Board kicked Bell’s off the fairgrounds, the Tulsa State Fair lost its only rollercoaster without cars designed like developmentally disabled worms.

Although the Zingo wasn’t nearly as big as Frontier City’s Wildcat, it was Tulsa’s signature wooden coaster. To fill the void, this year’s fair includes a portable rollercoaster constructed from the country’s finest trailer-home aluminum. It can reportedly reach speeds of nearly 15 mph and has a heart-stopping 4-foot drop.

The midway’s two most-trained professional ride operators, who have almost passed their GED tests, built the 60-feet tall Comet II in 30 minutes. Much longer than the standard 15 minutes used to set-up a state fair ride.

Normally, I won’t ride anything. It cuts into my “˜eating deep-fried Jell-o and Soup-on-a-Stick’ time. When I did ride rides, I only rode Bell’s. I prefer amusement rides permanently attached to the ground, versus on top of logs and easily rolled onto a trailer rig.

I’m also not a huge of fan of rides with names that make me feel uncomfortable (Zippers) or have airbrushed famous people as part of the design.

I guess part of the excitement of the state fair is that the rides could crash at any second. The threat of flying through the air into oncoming traffic could be the “thrill” in thrill ride.

I think I’ll skip the fair this year.

If I wanted to hang out with a group of people who wander aimlessly, seem crazier by the minute, are mesmerized by bright flashing lights and would rarely be seen near a black person, I would go to a Tea Party rally.

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(P.S.  For more amusement, check out Good Riddance Passive Aggressive Penis Breath.)

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