Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Gentle Readers: Cancer Water, My Favorite Drink and Stealing

Greetings, gentle readers!  I’m coming at you just three days before Christmas with answers to all you questions.  Sorry to all of you who sent in questions asking what you were getting for Christmas.  Since you’re a reader of this blog, it’s safe to assume that you’re on the naughty list, so you’re probably not getting anything.  Anyway, here are your questions.

Katie asks:

I’m an OU student and I just heard that the water supply in Norman is pretty contaminated.  What should I do?

Great question, gentle Katie.  The news of the chromium 6 in Norman water is pretty shocking, but no more so than the trace amounts of arsenic that they’re known have been there forever.  Don’t fret though.  I know just what to do.

When the water is bad, I like to take my cue from Julia Roberts.  Norman’s water contains the same junk that was in the water in the Erin Brockovich movie.  I never saw the movie, but from what I understand, home girl just let her boobs do the work.  Seriously, she wore low-cut shirts and from there, the water got clean.  So Norman ladies, if you don’t want carcinogens in your water, I would suggest you show your tatas.  If that doesn’t work, I would just wait for President Boren to do something about it.  Seriously, Boren doesn’t like bad PR for Norman.

Dave writes:

Dear Gentle One,

Enjoy the Column. You should be aware that Beer and Nyquil actually are a dangerous combination. Nyquil contains acetomenaphen (Tylenol) which can be quite toxic to your liver when combined with alcohol, even in small  amounts. Not your mother, but I have been drinking a lot longer than you. Keep up the good work!

Why thank you, gentle Dave for your advice.  It’s nice to know that there is a gentle reader out there that is looking out for me.  I mean seriously, gentle readers!  I bust my ass every week bringing you things to do on the weekends and loads of advice, and you just let me wallow in my bad decisions.  So cheers to Dave for keeping my best interests at heart.

Though, to be honest, I probably won’t heed a word of it.

Amanda asks:

I screwed up bad.  I haven’t done any Christmas shopping yet and I HAVE to buy stuff for a lot of people.  What do I do?

Oh, gentle Amanda, envy you I do not.  I’m pretty much done myself, just gotta get something for my brother’s girlfriend that won’t be awkward and that she’ll hopefully like.  We’ll see though.  As for you, it’s too late for online shopping.  But right now the stores are going to be so crazy.  Your best bet is probably to break into stores once they’ve closed and just steal what you need.  That’s just how I would do it.  You avoid the crowds and save a ton of money.  That, or you could just get some gift cards.

That’s all for this week, gentle readers.  Send me your questions on Twitter @GentleMarisa or email me at GentleMarisa@gmail.com.

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Comments

    • Combine the contaminated water with low cut and thin t shirts, and you have a movement that people will notice!

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