Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Tulsa Tuesday: I can endorse closing these schools

Tulsa Public Schools actually have a smaller enrollment now than they did in the 70’s, and have about 10,000 empty seats in various schools. They have finally gotten around to fixing this problem by closing schools:  From the World:

Project Schoolhouse is the initiative that could soon lead to consolidation in Tulsa Public Schools. Superintendent Keith Ballard announced April 22 his final recommendation to close 14 school buildings, reassign all students at eight other schools so their buildings can be converted for a different use and reopen two other district facilities as schools.

This is actually good news.  If approved by the school board, the plan would save TPS about $5 million annually and eliminate 6,000 of the district’s 10,000 empty seats.  However, the predictable response to school closings has taken up the majority of our news the past few months. Parents don’t want to see little Timmy’s school closed, even though it’s probably better for little Timmy and the city as a whole.

In the spirit of civic duty, I offer these five schools as prime examples for consolidation.

1. Helmerich School of Etiquette and Manners

The Helmerich’s are the Gaylord – Bennett – Records of Tulsa.  They’re the type of people who have caviar brunch on some lawn overlooking the 12 hole at Southern Hills and at one time probably employed a person named Jeeves.  That means they know some upper class white people manners.  That being said, the city of Tulsa should look at closing their School of Etiquette and Manners and at least make it a charter school.

2. John Wayne Gacy Clown Academy

This school actually has low discipline problems. The last thing any kid wants is to be sent to the principal’s office.

3. Robert E. Lee Middle School for the preservation of White Culture

I actually lived in a town once with a school named for Robert E. Lee. Seriously? The guy led an army that tried to separate our country into two!

4. Jenks Football Academy

Created for Jenks Football players in an effort to maximize their playbook studies & minimize the time required for actual book learnin’.

5. Uncle Louie’s Girl’s Academy

I honestly have no idea how this school got a charter.


  1. It has to be DooRant, where the school named after a Confederate was left open while the school named after the father of our country was closed down.

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