The other day, an Ogle Mole — his name rhymes with Mint Snarky* — forwarded us a link to a website called CruisingGays.com. At this website, gay people can list, rank and write reviews about the best spots in town to meet, tap shoes or run and hide in bushes.
The site lists over 20 spots in Oklahoma City. Some of the places are ones that you would expect to make the list. You know, like Habana Inn, Trosper Park or any TV news room. But there are some other places that you may find shocking and hysterically funny, especially if you are a naive heterosexual male like myself.
Anyway, as a public service to weary heterosexuals, eager homosexuals and those of us with a juvenile sense of humor, we’ve listed some of the locations, their reviews, and our thoughts on them after the jump.
Warning: Some of the language is a bit crude, graphic and totally gay.
What the site says: This is a longtime hookup spot in OKC. It is fairly quiet, which can afford privacy when you hookup or leave you hanging around in a restroom longer than you want to be for a quickie. Overall, I have been pleased with it, all sorts come here from very young guys to blue-collar types to suits and older men.
What I think: According to my Grandpa, this is the parking lot where my mom, my crazy aunt who lives in Texas, my nice aunt who lives in Tulsa and my right-wing wacko uncle who lives in Arizona all learned how to drive. Hopefully my grandpa never learns about this or he may go destroy the entire building.
What the site says: The bathroom is really quiet and is never checked by management (the writing on the management check sheet is MONTHS old).
Crowd: All kind of folks hang out for action but mostly gay and bi guys looking for a place to drop their load in between stores. I’ve sucked off frat-type guys, ambercrombie-looking guys, a few bears and a HOT construction worker.
What I think: If you’re a married guy, you now have a legitimate reason to avoid JC Penney when your wife takes you shopping.
What the site says: There is now a peep hole between last two stalls so you can view what is going on. Generally pretty deserted so you could easily have some fun there. Was there Sunday and got cruised quite a bit. Seen some action there a few times.
What I think: This takes “Let’s build something together” to a whole new level.
What the site says: Very discreet restroom. Lots of room for action, not a very busy men’s room since it’s a craft store. Plenty of time to react if you have someone enter the restroom while you’re getting busy.
Crowd: All types visit this location – mostly the married Edmondites on the way home to their wives.
What I think: That sound you just heard was Hobby Lobby issuing armed security guards to all of its men’s restrooms. Hell, they’ll probably keep them there on Sunday to be safe.
What the site says: Okay, I’m joking on this one. But I wouldn’t be surprised if it makes the site very soon.
What the site says: Showers are great!! Very cruisy. Busy times are early morning, lunch time and evening.
What I think: This isn’t very surprising, but it does reinforce my belief that Chlorine in swimming pools is awesome.
What the site says: Crowd: Hustlers and druggies from the “courts”, rough trade and some are out for no good.
What I think: Geeze, no wonder the river is full of bacteria.
What the site says: I haven’t had much luck in the restroom at the front of the store, but the restroom in the rear of the store near lay-A-way is secluded and I’ve never been in there while it’s been checked. Once the lay-A-way department has closed for the evening there really isn’t anyone back there to bother you. The handicapped stall is large and if someone is in it you can’t really tell unless you’re just right next to it.
Crowd: It’s a mixture of college, blue collar and office types.
What I think: Note to self, if I’m ever at a Wal-Mart and have to use the bathroom, choose the one at the front of the store.
Anyway, this is only a sampling of the gay cruising spots around town. If you want to see the entire list of which parks and restrooms you may want to avoid (or, uhm, visit) you can do so here.
*Just kidding about the “Mint Snarky” thing. The website was actually sent to us by a guy whose name rhymes with “Wincer Licks.”
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