Howdy friends! Hope you had a great weekend and that Monday was gentle. It’s that time of the week when I answer questions submitted from Twitter or email. We have some hard-hitting questions this week so let’s get to it!
If you were a character on Glee, which one would you be? -Lathee1190
Our first question comes from local stand-up comedian and friend, Josh. Before I answer your question, I’m going to tell you that you should probably change your Twitter profile pic to something besides the generic egg thingy. I always assume those people are porn spammers, which is fine with me, but I’m disappointed when it’s not. Now, if I were a character on Glee I would definitely be Artie (the guy in the wheelchair). Why? Because, like me, he’s a nice guy that isn’t popular and is useless from the waist down.
Did you ever own Sea Monkeys when you were a kid? – Bananymous
Thanks for the question Bananymous! Yes, I did own Sea Monkeys, but they died because I couldn’t afford Sea Bananas. ZING! But seriously, the name “Sea Monkeys” sounds racist to me. That product should be taken off the shelves immediately.
Why does Patrick end most of his post titles with an ellipsis? -GentleMarisa
Thanks for the question Marisa! I actually had to do some research to answer this question, but I’m happy to say, I have figured it out. “Ellipsis” stems from the Ancient Greek word for “falling short,” which is what the TLO does on a daily basis. Sure it has other uses in writing, but I’m going to omit the other stuff and only use the definition that is pertinent to my answer…
Guys, I’m glad you asked. Thursday September 1st at the 51st Street Speakeasy there will be a sneak preview of the new Single Tree Production movie. The movie is titled: Roark Comptons: The Motion Picture. There might be a little stand-up comedy before the movie, so come grab a drink and enjoy a free movie from the people that brought you The Stanton Family Grave Robbery and S&M Lawncare.
I’m about to get married, where should I register for gifts? -Sara
Congratulations Sara! Is this your first marriage? Those are always special. I notice you spell your name without an “h” at the end. I always think of this song when I see “Sara” spelled that way. Anywho, I would recommend registering for practical things, like gift cards, and here’s why: Before getting married, my wife and I didn’t register for much, mostly small things we could use around the house. Because of that we received a lot of gift cards to Target. And with the gift cards we were able to buy a new TV! Sure, you can put a TV on your registry, but it’s doubtful that anyone will buy it for you (unless you have some rich friends; if that’s the case, go for it). But you get people to chip in $25 gift cards and you can combine them to buy big ticket items… or give them to a lawyer in exchange for the annulment.
What is the meaning of life? I mean the cereal and the board game. I’ve got the state of being figured out. – Dept. Of Truth
Our final question comes from one of the funniest people on Twitter. Do me a favor and follow him, you won’t be disappointed. Now, the meaning of Life cereal is to be eaten either dry or very quickly with milk. Otherwise, it becomes a disgusting pile of inedible diarrhea. Which is no way to start your day. The meaning of Life the board game is to prove that life is full of setbacks, but that everything can change with a roll of the dice (die?). That and it really easy to win if you land on the coveted, “your wife had an abortion, now you don’t have to pay for a kid” spot.
Thanks for reading. If you have a question that needs an answer, send it to SpencerLenox on twitter or email me: Spencer.Hicks@gmail.com. Kisses!
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