Greetings, gentle travelers. This weekend is Labor Day weekend, which as you know, means that our summer is at a close. We had a good run, and it’s still going to be unbelievably hot until about the last week of October, when it will be fall for about two weeks and then proceed to get ridiculously cold. But I’m still going to mourn the end of summer. I will miss sweating between my boobs every time I walk out to my car and listening to everyone make the same dumb comment about the weather.
So, to celebrate the summer, I’m coming to you from the only place that screams summer—White Water Bay. The majority of you probably haven’t been here since middle school, unless you were one of the poor, unfortunate souls who worked here as a lifeguard during your high school summers. Nothing like yelling at kids all day to not run by the edge of the wave pool. And, if I remember correctly, the last time I was here, the lifeguards were too busy flirting with each other to really look up and see if you needed assistance anyway. So I’m not really sure why White Water has them on the payroll.
Another fun story about the last time I was here: I vividly remember it being Katie T.’s fourteenth birthday and a large group of us hopped in her Mom’s Suburban and we went to White Water. I remember wearing my awesome blue-flowered tankini from J.C. Penney that my mom got for me. I also remember feeling incredibly self-conscious and fat because I was one of the few girls at that birthday party who didn’t have an eating disorder (yea, Edmond!). I remember doing that stupid Alcapulco Cliff Dive slide thing and then spending the next 20 minutes trying to remove my swimsuit bottoms from my butt crack. Looking back on it, I would like to know how many bare butt cheeks in the metro area have touched that slide due to the wedgie-inducing speed you reach on that thing. It’s probably best not to think about it. Interestingly enough though, there is now a slide called “The Mega-Wedgie.” You have a strange fixation, White Water.
So, there you have it. White Water Bay. It’s still just as crowded as you remember. There are still used band-aids floating in the lazy river. They still wind up tangled in your ponytail while you float along. And I’d bet even money that next summer when you go back there, those same band-aids will be there waiting for you.
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