Dear Devon Tower,
I’m onto you and your games. You may not remember this, but the first time I skipped class was to buy tickets for The Lord of the Rings. I’ve read LotR so many times that I can quote weird things the Púkel-men said. I own a complete Frodo costume, and more Peter Jackson-licensed kitsch than anyone who ever plans to have an active sex life should. So, let’s just say this isn’t my first rodeo.
That’s why I’m aware of what’s going down. Don’t tell me you’re there to house the day-to-day operations of your company. I wasn’t born yesterday. I know that as soon as construction is finished, your tower will house the eye of Sauron. I know that in Oklahoma history there were 20 rings created. Most likely, these rings were given to Wiley Post, Will Rogers, Wilma Mankiller, Maria Tallchief, and the Hanson brothers. And I know there’s one ring to bind them all. That’s what you’re watching for. You lost that ring, and now you want it back.
But there is something you didn’t count on. We have a hobbit! That’s right! We have a hobbit. Yeah, there is no shire, and none of us can really afford to live in Rivendell. But hobbits we can do! So, get ready for it, Devon Tower. The minute Al Eschbach throws the one ring of power into the Myriad Botanical Gardens, you’re going to come a-crumbling down! Your orcs can’t stop us.
But hobbits are peaceful creatures, you may find yourself thinking, more content to drink beer at local bars where they continually tell the waitress that she’s pretty, and they can’t wait to take her on a trip. (Seriously, if you are a woman in your twenties working in the food service industry and Eschbach has offered to do this, leave me a comment. I’m dying to do a profile on you.) But when it comes down to it, hobbits have to fight in order to save the world they love.
I thought you should know, Devon Tower. Also, for this version of the story, James Harden plays Gimli, because he has a beard. Biker Fox will have to be Gollum, because he’s probably the only person that would be fine with wearing a spandex motion-capture suit.
Love,
Marisa
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Silly boy.
The Dark Tower is up Broadway Extension. And they are running out of orcs.
Umm, Eliot, I think Marisa is a weird name for a boy. You silly girl, you!
You never heard Johnny Cash’s ‘Boy Named Sue”?
Such a shame, this lost generation.
I just noticed the same thing this morning. As I was driving down Penn ave between SW59th and 44th streets, I saw the tower poking out over the tops of the trees. My eight year old daughter then said, “Daddy, I can see the Devon tower. I replied back to her, “and it can see you too.” Then she waved at it and said “Hello!” But that is when it dawned on me what is really going on. It looked eerily similar….
That tower is huge! I was sitting by the trees in front of the Cox Center yesterday on the South Side of the building and you can STILL see how tall it is. I don’t ever want a job there. It may become the leaning tower of Oklahoma someday. Or a target for terrorists. That is all.
Rings? You forgot to mention the “McCain Brothers” in the article!
and Don’t forget the Mathis Brothers (And little friends) .
I noticed this weekend that I could see it from the Target parking lot at Penn and Memorial. It is one big damn building.
Marisa, if this was composed without the aid of psychedelic substances, you have one weird/wonderful imagination.
Gin and Juice!
All hail the uniball and it’s phallic shaft that rises sitffly into the Oklahoma sky.
Great job, Marisa! Love it!
A hobbit? I thought Eschbach was known as Herpie the Halfling
If Switzer doesn’t have a ring then what the fuck are we all doing here?
P.S. Pat Jones is Gollum
Pat Jones might find your comment inner-sting, as he says it.
best post ever. although I feel like we can find a better hobbit. I don’t think traber would make a very good samwise. although, dean blevins would be a proper legolas.
And when, thousands of years hence, some woman hacks into our version of the Witch-King after uttering the words ” I am no man!” , it will be revealed that the Lord of the Nazgul is none other than Sally Kern. Which would explain a lot about this state.
O.M.G.! Sally Kern is totally the Witch King of Angmar!!!!!!!!!
I was thinking Lynn Hickey as Saruman…
hmmmm. So which way to the enchanted forest of the Elves? That blond Orlando Bloom was H-O-T !