Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Oglebating: Which is worse…Frontier City or White Water Bay?

Hello there, folks. The headline to this post says Oglebating, so you know what that means: it’s time for another fascinating installment of Oglebating! Last time out, you decided, just barely, that it’s not ok for OU fans to put upside down Texas Longhorn stickers on your cars.

Today we turn our attention to amusement parks. Sadly, “Disney: Warr Acres” is at least a few years away, so we Oklahomans don’t have many good choices if we want to spend a day with friends and family at one. After the jump, we argue about whether we’d least rather spend a summer day at Frontier City or White Water Bay.

Tony: Frontier City

Here’s the thing about Frontier City: the rides don’t really matter. They could have the twenty best roller coasters on the planet and I would have no desire to spend any time there. The reason is pretty simple: the place is crawling with hormonal middle schoolers. Every time I drive by I am amazed there are actually cars in the parking lot, because as best I can tell, 9 out of 10 people there are kids who have been dropped off by their parents.

I can’t say that I hold it against them. I used to do the same thing when I was that age. It’s one of the few places a kid can get away from his or her parents for a day, unaccompanied. But, at this point in my life, I really have no desire to stand around in line with a bunch of horny 13-year olds clumsily trying to talk to girls, and not just because they remind me of myself on Friday nights.

All that being said, I could put up with the kids if Frontier City was fun, but it’s not. Who wants to wait in line to ride the Silver Bullet or set in the Pirate Ship in 100-degree heat? At least at Whitewater you have the Lazy River and Wave Pool to cool off. You also have the occasional milf or nanny to gawk at.

Marisa:  White Water

Let me ask you this, readers. Is there anything worse than being in public wearing a swimsuit? Think about that question. I want your body anxiety to settle in. And don’t tell me that’s a female fear, because all you mean out there with boobs bigger than mine are just the types to wear a t-shirt as you go down the Alcapulco Cliff Dive, your mammaries waving in the wind.

Also, let’s talk about cleanliness of the situation. There are far too many kids running around that place. It’s my fear that the chlorine to urine ratio is a little out of whack, and that perhaps there isn’t enough chlorine in the state to clean that water. And let me tell you about the one time that a used Band-Aid wound up in my mouth as I flailed and tried not to drown while a morbidly obese man floated past me in the lazy river. It was gross, and at the age of 14, I was almost positive I had contracted AIDs.

When you combine the cleanliness issues and the patrons with the staff there, you have a recipe for disaster. Seriously, those pubescent lifeguards are too busy trying to bone down on one another to resuscitate drowning victims. There is not a single thing about White Water that doesn’t suck. Even there Frito chili pies are nasty.

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What do you think, readers?  Which amusement park is worse? White Water Bay or Frontier City?

Which amusement park is worse? White Water Bay or Frontier City?

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Comments

  1. Does anyone remember the big investigation about White Water in the 90s where they discovered it was a breeding ground for e. coli? Yeah, I rest my case. Never been back since.

  2. White Water takes it for one reason only. The stench. True, the water is so sweat/urine saturated that it is effectively salt water. True, the outdated astroturf carpeting is full of atheletes foot fungus that it stinks to the top of Greased Lightning. But the kicker is that the stock yards are just down the street. Fungus, urine and cow sh*t. All mixed together in 100+ degree temperatures are more than any human olifactoy glads can bear.

  3. Funny!!! I just had this debate yesterday with two friends while we were volunteering up at school. White Water is most definitely the worst. Do they still allow you to smoke?

  4. White sewer or Frontier Sh*tty. One IS Sh*t and the other is a place where sh*t goes. Which is worse, to be feces or the place where feces goes? I’m torn. I’ll say white water.

  5. Last time I was at Frontier City, I almost got whiplash from the wooden roller coaster because it was so rough and jerky. My neck hurt for days. After I rode the Diamondback 4 times in a row (because no one was waiting in line) I thought, this might be fun if they had built the rest of the roller coaster that goes with it. I haven’t been back since.

    • This is so true. My wife DID get whiplash from the wooden coaster a few years back and was advised to never ride it again by her chiropractor. Everything at FC seems run down and sad. I agree that it was okay when a kid, but anymore is a waste of time.

  6. No one’s mentioned White Water’s sad surroundings: an ocean of asphalt, crumbling highways, furniture outlets and other assorted embarrassments. If they moved that park among some tall trees and hills, not only would it earn style points, but the high temperatures and wind gusts would be mitigated.

    Yes, Frontier City sucks, too. But when you’re in that area by the carousel and log flume, and the sun is setting, it outdoes any potential scenario at White Water, except perhaps for Thunder Girls showing up nude.

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