Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Spence Sez: God is big enough to follow the Broncos.

I used to believe that two teams praying to the same God would cancel the prayers out. But Tim Tebow has proven me wrong. I’m not jumping on the “Hate Tebow” bandwagon. I’ve hated him ever since he was called for an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty in the 2009 national championship game. I had the privileged of  attending that game, and when he taunted an OU player by doing the “gator clap,”  I thought, “what an arrogant douche.” It wasn’t until later I realized he was a hyper-Christian (the most annoying of all Christians). But now that the Broncos are 7-1 with Tebow, people are saying it’s God making the “impossible possible.” If the Denver Broncos winning ways are an act of God, I say, way to go God. After Tebow wins the Super Bowl would you mind looking into fixing the AIDS problem in Africa? Thanks. Here is another picture of Tebow with a hot chick that he didn’t sleep with.

How much is too much when it comes to pre-gaming your company’s dry Christmas party? Totally asking for me and not a friend. -@GentleMarisa

TLO’s own Marisa! Thank you for the question my gentle friend. Before I answer your question I have a question for you: Is your party being held in Kentucky? I ask because what kind of stupid puritan company wouldn’t allow alcohol? Perhaps you work for the Denver Broncos… Anycrap, I would suggest you get “business drunk” before going to your party. Keep a flask in your clutch to keep the drunk dice rolling. But be careful not to get “business sick” on yourself. Good luck out there.

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In the spirit of my last name, is it possible to have too much bacon on a b.l.t.? -@BlaineBacon

Blaine, the only way it’s possible to have too much bacon on your B.L.T. is if your last name is “McJewowicz.”

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Why do I cry so much between the hours of 8-10 pm? Is it the moon? -@ZachSmithComedy

Hey Zach! Thanks for the question. I’m excited to see you open for comedian Kyle Kinane Jan. 8th. That will be a good show. Now, to answer your question, you cry at night because of you period. Periods, as any gynecologist will tell you, are caused by the moon. So you kinda cry because of the moon, but mostly because of your body flushing the uterine walls. I would recommend bathing in the waters of the Gulf. That should help.

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On what day this year do you predict Snowpocalypse will occur? Need to make sure I get to the store ahead of the dummies. -@ToniMitch

Well hello, Toni. I have bad news for you, there will not be a Snowpocalypse this year. Thanks to the earthquakes and tornadoes, mother nature is going to spare us from the blizzards of the past two years. But you’ll still want to get supplies for the upcoming hobo-wars. I think they are scheduled to start January 5th. Stay frosty, my friend.

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With the weather getting colder, and with you being so skinny, I’m worried you’re going to freeze to death. Friend, when’s the last time you had a bowl of Wolf Brand chili? And, ain’t that been too long? -@PleaseStopGreg

Hooray! A question from one of my favorite Twitter users. Wolf Brand is my favorite chili. I should also note that I love diarrhea. Don’t worry about me, I dress in layers; often with a faggy sweater-vest. So I’ll be alright, but it has been too long since I’ve had a hearty bowl of Wolf Brad chili. Shopping tip: if you see Tom Selleck leaving a grocery store, go to a different grocery store if you were there to buy Wolf Brand chili.

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Thank you very much for the questions. I love you all. Follow me on Twitter if you want to ask questions or read jokes. @SpencerLenox

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Comments

    • Huh?! What?! Preposterous. “Faggy” has, is, and will be a perfectly acceptable term for the near future.

    • You don’t have to like the word “faggy.” In fact, it’s not even a word! So, consider my intelligence in question!

      • I find it funny that “Deej” didn’t like the word “faggy” but didn’t have a problem with my anti-Semitic joke about bacon…

        • I’m so over bacon that when I read the question, I popped on down to the next. Since you’ve already called it anti-Semitic, consider yourself taken to task. And why the quotation marks around my name? What’s up with that?

          • Most people don’t use their real name. If Deej is your real name, please excuse the quotation marks. Also, please realize this is a humor site. If my comedic sensibilities don’t match yours, no one is forcing you to read my posts. Calling me out on my language only makes me want to use it more. But take comfort in the fact that one day I will die and no one will give a shit about a post I made Dec. 13th. 2011.

          • How do you know no one is forcing me to read your posts? I could be being tortured! Corporally punished! Think of Alex in “A Clockwork Orange.”

        • OH NO! Deej, if that’s the case please let me know. I will totally save you. Maybe then I can write an interesting post! And being forced to read my crap would be a great torture. Move over water-boarding!

  1. I hope you weren’t just dissing on hobos, ginger-boy. If you were, you’re no longer welcome to share my bottle of ripple under the Western/I-40 bridge.

  2. a hyper-Christian (the most annoying of all Christians—-Amen, amen, amen–takin’ my place as uber just pisses me off. Merry Christmas Spence, I will quietly pray for you.. .

  3. The last time people were this excited about a white Bronco, it was when Al was driving O.J.!
    I’d rather someone be uber-Christian, than FAKE Christian. THOSE are the worst.

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