Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

2011 Year in Review: April, May and June

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Yesterday, we listed our top five posts from last January, February and March. Today we take a look at the top posts from April, May and June, or as other people call it, that pleasant time of the year before everything got hotter than Joleen Chaney’s loofah.

April

5. These guys probably drink Mountain Dew
Last April, two daredevils decided to base jump off the Devon Tower. The media was all over this story, but what they didn’t tell you is that the guys would have died had Steve Lackmeyer not been there to catch them. True story.

4. We’re naming a bridge after George W. Bush
Our state has history of doing dumb things. I would say that naming a bridge after the worst US president since the 1920s is one of those things.

3. 10 Alternative Ideas for AT-AT for America
Back in April, local social media guru (a.k.a. tweet bag) Mike Koehler got the novel attention-grabbing idea to build an AT-AT for America. What didn’t occur to Mike was that George Lucas is a stupid greedy asshole who rigorously guards the “intellectual” property he got lucky and stumbled into.

2. This girl should win some sort of Thunder fan contest
It’s kind of neat how the Thunder has been able to convert unlikely sports fans into nutty die-hard NBA superfans. Exhibit number one is the VZD’s waitress who went out and got a crazy Thunder tattoo. I thought the waitresses at VZDs only liked roller derby and fisting.

1. Sally Kern thinks black people are lazy and don’t like school
In a rant against the need for Affirmative Action, local “It sucks that she lives here, but at least she gives us material” nut job Sally Kern told us that the reason African-Americans and women don’t earn as much as men is because they are lazy. Before you know, she’s going to say that homosexuals are a bigger threat to society than terrorists.

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May

5. David Payne has balls of steel
During last May’s tornado outbreak, David Payne decided to play his own version of Final Destination. He won that battle, but who knows how lucky he’ll be next time. Also, I think this video is why David has begun to wear a cape.

4. Sonic is sponsoring Memphis Grizzlies playoff shirts
According to several Ogle Moles, the Thunder have approached Sonic several times for some sort of expensive sponsorship agreement. Each time, Sonic has turned them down because of the costs. However, Sonic did find room in their marketing budget to sponsor Memphis Grizzlies playoff shirts…for their playoff series against the hometown Thunder. Assholes.

3. OU honors Sam Bradford with a statue that looks nothing like Sam Bradford
Sam Bradford is a Heisman winning quarterback, first overall draft pick and NFL “Rookie of the Year.” He will go down in history as one of the greatest to ever wear the crimson and cream. For all of these accomplishments, OU honored Sam with a bronze statue that looks like it was crafted by a stoned John Marshall High School student.

2. The Mike Morgan Drinking Game 
May in Oklahoma marks the return of Tornado watches, dry lines and Mike Morgan’s bedazzled severe weather tie. To celebrate Mike Morgan’s ascension to the top of the local weather ratings, we’ve unveiled the Mike Morgan drinking game. Now you know what to do whenever Mike yells out “Maxi multi-wedge tornado on the ground in Garfield County,” Bob Moore Chopper 4 lands for fuel, or David Payne smells pine.

1. For Sale: Jim Traber’s Cell Phone Number
Last May, we attempted to sell on eBay a baseball with Jim Traber’s phone number written on it . Unfortunately, eBay removed the auction…twice. Oh well, at least we were able to show again how big of douche bag Jim Traber actually is…again.

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June

5. Expert Panel: Taking a look at the Ed Kelly Era
Last June, in what would be a precursor of future things to come at The Oklahoman, Ed Kelley stepped down to take the Editor’s desk at The Washington Times. We interviewed four experts about Kelley’s decision, and in the process, got some excellent commentary regarding the past, present and future of “the state’s most trusted news.”

4. Visit the living Internet museum that is Braums.com
It shouldn’t be surprising that a fast food chain that didn’t start offering free refills until a few years ago would have a bad website. What’s surprising is that the Braum’s website is actually very nice…if you are viewing it from an 2001 AOL dial-up connection.

3. The one where Mike Morgan emails us pics of his wife
As a token of appreciation for the Mike Morgan Drinking Game, Mike emailed us a couple of pictures of his wife Marla being served a cocktail in front of Sushi Neko. Seriously.

2. Looks like some local radio “stars” got their pictures taken
There’s a reason they call it “a face for radio.” There’s also a reason they call it “More Lauren Craun, please.”

1. Mary Fallin’s daughter takes interesting engagement pictures
Before the controversial photo shoots and bad music videos, Christina Fallin and Matt Bacon were just your typical pretentious and privileged engaged hipster couple. Now they’re just you typical pretentious and privileged married couple.

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2011 Year in Review: January, February and March

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