Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

An open letter to Oklahoma weather

Dear Oklahoma weather,

Right now, I have to say, you’re looking pretty good. And I don’t mean that in an objectifying way. You’re just looking good and keeping me happy. I like this mild winter business. But it worries me. I’m not trying to look a gift horse in the mouth, but your inconsistency stresses me out, and if we’re going to continue this relationship, I think we need to talk about some of your past transgressions.

This time last year, I was staying home from work because there was a crazy blizzard. I’m not saying I minded the city of Norman being closed down because I got to stay home and watch movies while never leaving the comfort of my pajamas. I am saying that the blizzard thing was kind of a jerk move. You’re just so extreme all the time. I know you like reading the TLO live blog of winter weather coverage, but making it snow so that we all have to stay home with our awkward roommates who camp out on the furniture they didn’t buy because they’re jag bags kind of sucks.

And don’t you remember last spring when you tried to kill my boyfriend and I even though you know we don’t have a basement, storm shelter, or safe room? You just came ripping through, killing 8 people and leaving 60 injured, and then you dissipated less than a quarter of a mile from the house where my boyfriend and I sat waiting for you to rip us from the closet in the interior of the house. Again, totally a jerk move.

I’m not even going to talk about last summer and how much I sweated because you were trying to set a record.

Basically, weather, what I’m trying to say is this: I really like the warmth. Any winter where I can leave the house in a light jacket is great. But maybe you’re just a little too bipolar for me. I feel like this is the part in Sleeping with the Enemy where I decide to take it upon myself to leave you. But maybe it’s more like that J-Lo movie, Enough, because I’m figuratively training to beat you up. And maybe by beat you up I mean that I occasionally look for jobs in the Denver area because at least the snow there isn’t maliciously followed by tornados and heinous heat waves. Watch your back, Oklahoma weather. I’m onto you.

Sincerely,

Marisa

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Comments

  1. Sorry, for the guy in the picture anyway, that there is a conflation between climate change & with what he can assist his (my?) girlfriend(?) to achieve.
    Sad.
    I’m sure he is wrong on one statement, but if he is wrong on the other, both of them (as are the rest of us) are truly fucked.

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