In case you’re my dad and this is the only website you read, you may not have known that former PC North Panther turned B-list celeb Olivia Munn has been in the news recently. Apparently some twister nerd hacked into her phone and found a bunch of “edgy” semi-nude (and one nude) camera phone photos and a list of, uh, naughty demands for ex-boyfriend Chris Pine. Like any good hacker should, he/she then posted them online.
Or maybe not.
Munn has claimed the photos are fake and were made to resemble her older social media posts. As a response, and to parody the allegedly hacked photos, she sent the following letter and photograph to her fans at SXSW in Austin:
March 9, 2012
Dear Everyone at “The Babymakers” SXSW screening:
I’m sorry I couldn’t be there with you all. I’m currently in Sierra Leone helping build wells for the thirsty. I thought I’d have time to stop through Austin on my way here, but I was detoured when I saw two beached seals on the Gulf near South Padre and used all of my strength, sweat and tears to pull them back into the water and save their lives.
(NOTE to JAY- Hold for applause and gasps. About 2 solid minutes…)
So, I come to you only in this letter, by way of my director of “The Babymakers” Jay Chandra-shay… shay- Jay Chandra-something.
It’s hard for me to sit here with these small, dysentery-ridden children and know that I cannot be there, with all of you wonderful friends and supporters, for my SXSW Hollywood movie premiere.
I must end this letter short, as I’m on my way to Seoul, Korea to speak with the starving children who have been denied food by their country and educate them on a motto that I have personally lived by and think will give them some hope: Thinner is Better.
I pray this letter finds you well and God keeps you safe.
Oh, and one last thing- Some of those pictures weren’t even me. I mean, you can’t even see my penis… and it’s pretty big for an Asian. Sheesh.
Til next we meet again…
Your Cable Television Darling (from the upcoming HBO Aaron Sorkin series, “The Newsroom”),
Yeah, I’m confused. I guess she was making fun of people who donate their time to charity and green penises. Hardy Har.
Anyway, this story is already getting old and the national blogs have been all over it, so I don’t really have anything else to add. And if I did, it would probably be something lame and stupid like what she tried.
That being said, I do have one question: is Olivia Munn hot???
I mean she looks hot and acts hot. People seem to think she’s hot and treat her like she’s hot. They put her on the cover of hot magazines like Maxim, FHM and Playboy. She even has the charm of the girl-next-door who likes to kick-it on the couch and watch you watch Leroy Jenkins five straight times on YouTube. And she even knows who Leroy Jenkins is. And she dresses up like bikini Princess Leia for Halloween and stuff.
But is she hot? Honestly, she does kind of look weird. She’s what I would imagine a hot alien pretending to be a hot woman sent to take over Earth would look like after she spent a night dancing at City Walk. And her body is nice and everything, but it’s pretty tame when compared to other sex symbols in her class. And her career has never really taken off. Since her run on Attack of the Show, she’s a had a couple of minor movie roles, starred in a failed sitcom and bombed on The Daily Show.
So anyway, I don’t get why she’s hot and why she’s successful, but damn, she sure is hot and sure is successful.
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