Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Ralph Shortey was attacked by a turkey

State Senator Ralph Shortey has been pretty quiet since he introduced the ‘fetus food’ legislation earlier this year. We’re not sure what’s led to his silence, but it could be that he’s been hard at work meeting with constituents, other lawmakers and researching other pointless bills to file.

Or he’s just been too busy fending off rabid wild turkeys with a club.

From the Durant-Daily Democrat:

Requirements for people who want to openly carry guns in Oklahoma were changed Thursday in one of two bills in the state Legislature to make it mandatory to have proof of training but not a firearm license.

The changes passed by the Senate Public Safety Committee would require those who want to carry guns in public to have a document showing they had instruction on the law and firearms training.

The new requirements were offered as an amendment to a bill that already passed the House and would require a person to have a license to carry a handgun, either concealed or openly.

Sen. Steve Russell, who sponsored the amendment, said the language that changes “concealed license” to “handgun license” is a problem.

“When we convolute the two, what we’re saying is you have to have a handgun license to bear arms and that is just not consistent with the Second Amendment and the intentions of our founding fathers,” said Russell, R-Oklahoma City…

Sen. Ralph Shortey said he refuses to get a concealed carry license because he objects to requiring a license to carry guns. He said he started carrying a gun with him in his truck after a turkey attacked him while he was on an oil and gas job.

“Wait until you get attacked by a turkey, you will know the fear that a turkey can evoke in a person,” said Shortey, R-Oklahoma City. “So I beat it with a club. That’s all I could do. I wish that I had a gun with me.

Yep, Ralph Shortey attacked and killed a turkey with a club. If that doesn’t prove he’s a caveman, I’m not sure what does. Just look at that low-IQ mouth-breather. He looks like an extra from “10,000 BC.” You could take him to school and tell your friends you found him in a block of ice while digging your Mom’s swimming pool and they’d all believe you.

p.s. – I considered writing something about how funny it is that our Senate “Public Safety” Committee is trying to figure out ways to make it easier for Oklahomans to carry concealed firearms. No irony there, right? Because as the Wild Wild West and Trayvon Martin have clearly shown, having a bunch of unqualified vigilantes patrol the streets with hand guns makes the world a safer, more peaceful place. But I’m not going to do that, because I’ve decided to watch Encino Man instead, buuuuudy. Sorry.


  1. a lawmaker who just admitted to breaking the law and openenly carrying a weapon around. yeeehaw Oklahoma!

      • During the debate he said “I started carrying a gun in my truck after that without a license because I didn’t want to get attacked by a mountain lion. Turkeys are bad enough.” So, yeah, he admitted to breaking a bunch of laws during that debate.

        • Uuhh Sarah…Carrying a gun in a vehicle and transporting a firearm in a vehicle are the same thing. As long as the firearm is unloaded, it is allowed by law.

  2. Shortey said, during the debate: “I started carrying a gun in my truck after that WITHOUT A LICENSE because I didn’t want to get attacked by a mountain lion. Turkeys are bad enough.” (emphasis mine)

    He also said that he wants open carry because he “would like to have the opportunity to have an assault rifle on his back while campaigning.”

    This guy is a total loose cannon.

    • Heh, heh! You said, “loose CANNON.” Shortey is a goober, but it’s not against the law to carry a gun (rifle, shotgun, or handgun)in your truck without a license. It’s against the law to carry them loaded. Shortey refuses to get a license that would allow him to carry a concealed handgun that is loaded. He never admitted to breaking the law. He also has not admitted to being a goober named SHORTEY.

  3. Oklahoma is one of 6 states that does not allow open carry. There are 34 states that have no restrictions on open carry, 14 states that required a concealed carry license to open carry, and Cali has some fucked up law about open carry (shocking!).

  4. He wouldn’t have made it as a caveman… Someone would have thought a mangy mammoth entered the cave and would have speared him. This would have left them with enough flesh to survive on for months, but they would have died shortly after with an acute case of douchebag poisoning.

  5. Once you get away from cul-de-sac country, there are lots of good reasons to carry a gun in your truck or on your tractor. However, this turkey-on-turkey violence has to stop . . .

    • Actually, I think it was an AP story. I would have you linked to the newspaper in Tulsa that originally published the story, but they have pay wall.

  6. Shortey’s view of the world is informed by South Park (see the “Starvin’ Marvin” episode). He also gets high on cat urine.

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