If you like sports, pop culture and hearing snide jabs at Oklahoma City, then you should check out this episode of The B.S. Report podcast with Bill Simmons. In it, Simmons interviewed Tulsa native and SNL cast member, Bill Hader.
If you listen to the whole podcast, and can make it through Simmons’ Seattle sympathies, then you’ll find that Hader wants to buy the “Jack Nicholson” seats at the Chesapeake Energy Arena.
I’m a fan of Bill Hader, so I think he would be a great addition to the court-side scenery. He does a great job on Saturday Night Live (even though that show has no idea how to end a sketch), he’s funny and he’s even been in the movies.
But he’s not the only one who should be a super fan of our team. After the jump, I countdown ten other Oklahomans – or honorary Oklahomans – that I’d like to see in the Nicholson seats at the Chesapeake Arena.
1. Kate Upton
She’s hot. She’s related to Aubry McClendon and has been to a Thunder game. She could use her very distracting “Dougie” dance to give the Thunder the edge in close games. BTW, if you watch the video linked, it looks like she’s wearing the same jacket thingy. You’d think a famous model would have more clothes. Anyway, if you’re reading this Kate: Yes, I will marry you. Please stop spamming me on Twitter.
2. Chuck Norris
Oklahomans love rich white Republican’s who kick ass. Chuck Norris is not only that, but he’s an Oklahoman, too. It would be hilariously awesome to see Chuck sitting courtside, until you realized that if a man looks at Chuck Norris’ beard in person, he starts his period.
3. Bibi Jones
This would work. She’s hot, from Oklahoma and apparently likes to “entertain” athletes. Seems like the perfect fit, except she’s not family friendly and likes football more than basketball. But she could still be used to drain the visiting team’s star of fluids the night before, ensuring a poor performance.
4. Megan Mullally
Hopefully Ms. Mullally’s stint as a Thunder super fan will be more successful than her talk show…or really any part of her career after Will and Grace.
5. Will Rogers
Will Rogers is perhaps the most beloved Oklahoman of all time. We could recycle his old quips to make them relevant to today’s political climate and he could do rope tricks at halftime. The only drawback is people would probably be upset about a corpse lasso’ed into a folding chair. Oklahomans are sensitive about things like that. Since he’s dead he probably can’t be our Jack Nicholson.
6. Brad Pitt
Brad is from my hometown of Shawnee. Because of this, I can simply refer to him as “Brad” and get away with it. I can also rub my nipples and pretend they are his without feeling gay while I do sit-ups and cry. Wow… this just got dark.
7. Kristin Chenoweth
She’s probably our best bet for a well received superfan. She’s religious, but not crazy about it (she loves gay people), she’s hot and famous. She’s been on The Ellen Show with Rumble and often cheers the Thunder on, on Twitter. The only problem I can foresee is that she might get stepped on by Cole Aldrich. That would be fatal.
8. Jerry Cantrell
I’m not a half-dead heroine junky, so I’m not a big fan of Alice in Chains. That being said, they were one of the most popular grunge bands of the 1990s and Oklahoma native Jerry Cantrell deserves more love. Plus, whenever the Thunder lose a close game, Jerry could play this or this or this to cheer the fans up as they exit the arena.
9. Dr. Phil
Although it would suck for the fans sitting behind him, having Dr. Phil as our official super fan may actually help the team. Whenever Kendrick Perkins starts jawing at a ref, maybe Dr. Phil could set him straight. When Westbrook melts down and starts playing out of control, Dr. Phil could tell him to “get real.”
10. Kate Upton
I may have already mentioned her. I can’t remember.
Thanks kids. Follow me on Twitter @SpencerLenox
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