Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Evil lurks in Edmond…

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I’ve seen the movie Wag the Dog and I got my master’s from a college of journalism and mass communication, so I’m well aware of the spin that the media can put on things. I know that we are constantly being lied to, and at any given time, the only people you can count on for truth are us humble writers here at TLO. Basically everyone else is serving various corporate interests, and since we’ve really already burned bridges with the corporate big dogs in Oklahoma, we are free to speak our minds.

So I have to wonder what is happening at Mitch Park in Edmond and what interests are being served with the seemingly disparate information we’re being given. By now I’m sure you’ve heard about the wildcat thing that was found by a jogger in the park. (This wildcat is not to be confused with someone from Piedmont where their mascot is the “wildcat,” though I know that an Edmondite finds someone from Piedmont equally abhorrent to deadly beasts.) I grew up less than a mile from that park and I remember seeing and hearing all manner of wildlife like coyotes and owls and chupacabras and whatnot. And as more and more construction and development occurs in that area, it looks like more and more of these creatures will be displaced to the wooded areas of the park.

But wild creatures aren’t the main concern here. I don’t know if you’ve all heard this, but apparently two of the disc golf baskets at the Tye F. Cunningham Memorial Disc Golf Course at Mitch Park have to be moved for “construction reasons.” The official statement on the books is that these baskets have to be moved to make room for the new Edmond Recreation and Aquatic Center. But doesn’t this seem a little odd to anyone else? On Monday a report of a wild creature terrorizing exercising Edmondites comes out, and the next day, Edmond is moving disc golf baskets for “construction reasons.” Something doesn’t add up here. This is where my wild speculation comes into play.

By my reckoning, we aren’t hearing the full story of what is living in the woods around the walking trail at Mitch Park. And an integral part of said woods is broken up by–you guessed it–the disc golf course! Now follow me on this one, because I don’t have any proof, but in my past experience you don’t really have to have any proof to publish things on the internet so I’m just going to come out and say what we are all thinking.

A disc golfer was brutally mangled by a wild creature, most likely a werewolf or a sasquatch or any creature that has been showcased on seasons one through five of True Blood.  The story about the 40-pound bobcat is something to distract us from the fact that a large and deadly creature is lurking in Edmond, and the construction of the Recreation and Aquatic Center is a cover-up so city officials can delve more deeply into what sort of thing is out there attacking Edmondites.

I am posting all this here because I would like to set up a search party. My mom walks at Mitch Park, and I don’t want to worry about her being eaten alive by a demonic beast. So tonight there will be a meeting at Mitch Park by the concession stand between the baseball and softball fields to gather up a militia. We’ll be there at 10 PM sharp. Bring silver bullets, crucifixes and holy water. And bug spray is probably a good idea too. We are going after what the Edmond authorities are too scared to tell you is out there.

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Comments

    • Luckily it’s a Masters of Professional Writing, so it’s more like the spray and pray method of birth control.

      • That probably disqualifies you for any writing job in television, as you must be aware after you watch local news. Of course, if you are willing to mix syntax(great potential for a pun there), use the reflexive improperly, ends sentences with prepositions, especially “at” and connect collective nouns with singular verbs, you’ll succeed!

  1. Hmmmmm. And this EVIL in Edmond surfaces right after Paul Blair loses his chance for a legislative seat? Coincidence??

  2. Totally down for the search party, with the addition of a case of beer. Anyone know the status on open containers at Mitch Park?

  3. I heard that the Sally Kern is what’s stalking in the park. The Sally Kern attacks if its gaydar goes off. No one might be straight enough to be safe from the Sally Kern.

  4. Silver bullets are good for going after a werewolf, and may repel a vampire but the crucifix and holy water are mostly useless. You’ll only probably piss off a vampire and I don’t think that would be good. Wooden stakes might be helpful, but one must have superior fighting skills to go up against a vampire at night…May I suggest a Barrett 50 cal? That’ll pretty much mess up anything.

  5. Hmm…Maybe if you can find out what it is that’s lurking in the woods, Mary Fallin’s daughter will marry it next year. Something to look forward to.

  6. Two years ago during winter and after sunset I was running to the rusty heavy metal bridge located nw oart of mitch park and i thought i saw a tall dark shadow (bigfoot) cross the west part of bridge. i was 200 feet away. This is no joke. Now they have installed lights on ground at bridge.

  7. Is that “Runner Girl”? I’m not smart like BBJ, but “girl” is quite a stretch for anyone in their early 50’s

    • i was wondering the same thing. sounds like her voice. she doesn’t sound as stupid when she’s reading cue cards

      • yes, the gal in the video is ‘runnergirl.’ i’ve met her at a few organized runs in the okc-area over the last 3-6 years. in my few interactions with her, she believes that she a local celebrity because she has a telephonic relationship with barry jr…………..

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