Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Top 10 reasons Clark Matthews is calling it quits

Everything comes to an end. Today, my journey with TheLostOgle reaches its conclusion.

Surely, some of you will be curious about what happened, and the truth is nothing happened. It just is. My time to walk away presented itself, and I ignored it. And then I ignored it again. Now, I’m not.

But if you want reasons, here they are:

10. Lists are for the birds

If I were to rank my favorite websites, Cracked.com would have to be in the top three. Most of their article titles start with a number and then finish with an interesting hook. For example, “6 Things Rich People Need to Stop Saying.” It is exactly what people on the internet want.

Internet readers hate scrolling through text. They want their reading to be segmented and ideally sandwiched between pictures of women in bikinis. As I said, I am in love with websites that do things that way (including this one), but the truth is I am not in love with writing that way.

To do what I enjoy doing, my writing style is more along the lines of other website I enjoy like Slate and Grantland. My interest is starting with an idea that is–hopefully–unique and writing a thesis paper on it.

Unfortunately, thousands of words of text are generally intimidating to those who go to the internet to take a break from work or entertain themselves during a bathroom pit stop. So, the options are me writing things that are more appealing, but not up to my standards, or us parting ways. Since one of the objectives of this website is to draw in as many readers as possible, the latter seems to be the best choice.

Now, I have been known to write in this style. Sometimes I even do it well. And while I don’t enjoy this writing method, this article is obviously in that precise format. The truth is, this is my swan song, and I want people to read it.

9. More time to work on getting the Justice League of Oklahoma optioned into a TV series

Game of Thrones is probably the best television show being made right now. That is saying a lot considering that Breaking Bad and Mad Men are still airing episodes. You probably know this already, but that show was originally literature that (at least during the amazing first season) was basically transcribed directly to the script. AMC’s The Walking Dead was a comic book, I mean graphic novel. One dude’s Twitter feed even got 22 episodes on CBS.

Superheroes are also a big deal. I’d cite examples, but let’s just pretend I have a point. Well, I have the best original super hero story ever written about Oklahoma celebrities just ready to be optioned. Now that I have extra time, I suspect Hollywood types will be in hot pursuit.

8. Spend time with family

This is the cliché everyone uses, right? Well, it’s true. I mean, I never let the website take time away from my sons (ClarkPupp and Clark Jr. Jr.), but it certainly ate into quality time with Mrs. Matthews. The thing is, I’m one of those happily married guys that you don’t read about anywhere because it’s boring to talk about how you have a perfect marriage. I really do love my wife, and even if we’ll just spend the time I’m not pounding out 3,000 word missives about how the new Thunder draft pick reminds me of an obscure Brazillian basketball player to watch West Wing re-runs, that’s time
well spent.

7. This is Patrick’s baby

Just over five years ago, Patrick came up with the idea for what would end up being called The Lost Ogle (I lobbied for “The Church of Gary England”). Tony and myself joined on to help him lay the groundwork. We built something awesome. This is one of my greatest sources of pride, and I hope it continues to grow to the point that the ClarkPupp can brag to his college fraternity brothers that his dad was one of the founding members. At this
point, though, this is Patrick’s vocation, his business. I can’t dedicate to this the way he has and will in the future. So, I can either stick around and be in the way, or as has been the case over the past year, detach emotionally while mailing in my contribution. Either way, it hinders the development of the site. I don’t want to be the websites albatross.

6. Checkers comes first

It’s been five years that I have put my competitive checkers career on hold. That’s a long time to ignore my destiny of the Triple-jump Championship.

5. Contract issues

Four and a half years ago, I suggested we start trying to make some revenue off of this site under the guise that I wanted an advertiser to give me free LASIK surgery. While Patrick has brought in some wonderful sponsors, none of them have given me perfect eye sight. Where’s my eye surgery? Priorities!

4. Basketball season is over

This will come as a surprise to some of you, but I am never happier than when I am writing about basketball. In fact, I want to write about basketball with such frequency that Patrick worked out arrangements for me to write at The Gazette and Daily Thunder so I wouldn’t bombard our readers with daily diatribes about salary cap strategy. Now, basketball season is over, and coming up with topics to write about has been a huge struggle. That’s probably a good sign that it’s time for a break.

(Note: The former arrangement with The Gazette convinced my parents that they made the right decision in carrying me to term.)

3. Going out on top

How could I ever top my most recent article?

2. For the fans

Most of you guys, probably 99%, are awesome. I appreciate the crap out of you. The number one reason I got involved in this venture to begin with is that I wanted the things I wrote to be read by someone. That you were ever interested in the words I put together boosted my ego beyond where it probably belongs. I will never be able to thank you enough.

So, as I said, 99% of you are great. The rest of you leave comments. I apologize that I was long-winded. I apologize that my opinion differed from yours. Most of all, I apologize that I charged you so much money for the pleasure of reading my columns. Oh wait, it was free, so I take all of those apologies back.

1. I’m not

Well, I am, but won’t be disappearing. Patrick has promised not to change the locks on the office. When the muse strikes and/or my batteries recharge, this is my home. I will still be involved with things like the Oklahoma Celebrity Fantasy Draft and Ogle Madness. It just means and end to regular contributions…for now.

As for other projects, there aren’t any. I will still have my Twitter account where I boil my War and Peace length thoughts down to 140 characters. Other than that, if there is something I want to share, it will be here. So if you miss me, this is still the place to look.

Until we meet again,

Clark Matthews
Co-Founder / Editor


  1. Clark, I will miss you if for no other reason than you were the counterbalance to the times Patrick decides to lower site traffic by intentionally pissing off OSU fans on Twitter. Your presence was the reminder that it didn’t matter which school we attended – we could all laugh at our idiot politicians, lust after local newscasters, and worship the Weather God equally.

  2. But…Marisa is going to be around, right? Cause I just read her Tan and Tone article and thought it was hilarious.

  3. Famous last words. Well, I’ll miss the even-keeled logic and shared hatred for list-writing that you brought to the site, Clarksie. You were an inspiration and a gentleman, and I appreciate that you did my taxes for free that one year. All I can do now is try to carry the fire by phoning in a post every-other-Thursday..

  4. Farewell, man. Sorry if I was too harsh on some of your basketball columns. I always appreciated your writing, and you will be missed! Come back some time!

  5. I was going to do a list of the 10 reasons I’ll miss Clark Matthews’ TLO contributions, but then my common sense took over. Suffice it to say, I am really going to miss your regular contribution to the site, Clark. Thank you, and I hope you submit many articles as TLO writer emeritus.

  6. The robbery/assault in my neighborhood or you leaving TLO? Which is scarier? Definitely you leaving TLO. When Splaingard left the Gazette most was lost…tell me that won’t happen to TLO?

  7. You’re a hell of a writer, Clark. I am hopeful this is a Brett Favre type of retirement, where you’ll be back next season…and the season after…and the season after…and…

  8. Wow, such a loss… now I’m going to have to start reading about basketball again… but somewhere else… Gonna miss you!, but fear not, I will FIND You…..

  9. Sorry its taken so long to post. Just got done reading the Cracked.com list you sidetracked me with.

    Anyways, congratulations on the long run. So long and thanks for all the fishy stories! (See what I did there?)

  10. Sad.

    But anyway, hope all goes well. Looking forward to reading your stuff whenever/wherever you decide to get back to your keyboard.

  11. Being a writer, you won’t be able to quit altogether.

    We’ll keep our eyes open for your guest slots.

    Thx & good luck.

  12. Ya done good for Oklahoma blogging history, Clark. You deserve some type of Okie award.

    Best wishes.

  13. It has been a pleasure, sir. Seriously, though, I’ve loved the site for quite some time and you’re a massive part of that. Hope to see you poke your head back in from time to time. Best of luck in whatever the future may bring your way!

  14. I love Game of Thrones, but I have to say that the best currently produced show is Call Me Fitz. But it isn’t based on a comic book or a fantasy novel.

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