Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

The one where a Dollar General manager hit a thief in the head with an aluminum baseball bat

The guy in the image above is named Horatio Coates. If Horatio looks a little dazed and confused, well, he has good reason to be. Earlier this week, he was repeatedly struck upside the cranium with an aluminum baseball bat while attempting to steal DVDs from a Dollar General. The blows to the head were delivered by the store’s manager, and fortunately for us, the whole ordeal was recorded during a 911 call.

You can listen to the audio in the News 9 clip below. It’s worth it:


News9.com – Oklahoma City, OK – News, Weather, Video and Sports |

Well, if you’ve ever wondered what sound an aluminum baseball bat makes when hitting a man’s head, I guess you know the answer!

I may be a tiny bit demented and everything , but that was hysterical. I loved the sound of the tiny little “ping” followed by the sudden “EEEEYAAAHHH!” The best part, though, was when the “alleged” burglar woke up and this exchange took place:

911 Dispatcher: “Is he still laying there?”

Badass Vigilante Store Manager: “He is still laying here.”

Stupid Druggie Burglar: “I don’t know what the hell is going on.”

Badass Vigilante Store Manager: ”He is saying he doesn’t know what is going on.”

Stupid Druggie Burglar:“Holy Shit!!! What the fuck! Oh, goodness!”

Once again, that’s just funny. It’s like watching the burglars get hurt in Home Alone, only it’s real life. I also like how the robber’s response to being beaten unconscious with a baseball bat is the same one I make when listening to Jim Traber. The only difference is the burglar was a little more composed.

Anyway, the morals to this story are simple. Don’t use drugs, don’t steal, and if you do use drugs and do steal, stay away from the Dollar General stores on the southside. They are very protective of their DVDs.

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Comments

  1. Unless Coates was armed and being threatening, I’m not sure this is going to end well for our hero. Which is really unfortunate.

    • to quote another post from the facebook story on this, “It isn’t like the manager knocked him out left the store, came back and grabbed another bat and hit him five more times” (to paraphrase)
      but you are probably right. We will see what kind of shit storm this blows up and what Prater does.

    • I’m not a lawyer, but I think OK has some pretty common sense self defense laws. It would be very easy to articulate a fear of grievous bodily harm or death when confronted by a burglar.

      In any case, the manager deserves a high five, not an indictment.

  2. all the reporters look like they were gonna crack up laughing. which is exactly what i did when i heard the ‘ping” that was awesome!

  3. And to think the street value of the highly sought-after Dollar General DVD offerings almost led me to do the same thing.

    • Horatio promised me a copy of Throw Momma from the Train. Looks like I’ll have to cough up the $3.99 to relive that classic.

  4. I wonder if he took a couple of practice swings to warm up first! Don’t want to strain your back and shoulders when you are taking a ball bat swing at a pavement druggie.

  5. Wow, who did the sound for this? Were you guys inside of a jet engine. Excellent work there.

    • Agreed. I’m all for on location reporting, but please pick a spot a little further from the highway and sheltered from the wind.

  6. Even at the Dollar store the staff should walk away and not confront shoplifters- this guy will get off better than the staff, sorry rednecks, that’s effin’ retail.

  7. Beating a man in the head with a ballbat can result in death. And all over some DVDs? Seems a little extreme.

    • Indeed. Life is not the movies, and “a tap on the head” very rarely results in an instant, clean knockout. More often a skull fracture and a concussion.

    • Yes, it is extreme. Good thing the Dollar General Manager didn’t have to make that call.
      A. Dirt Bag shoplifter knows that if he gets
      caught, bad things can happen, up to and
      including death.
      B.Dirt Bag shoplifter decides, “Yeah, these
      DVD’s are worth it”.
      C. PING!

    • CNN reported that suspect smashed in the door to gain access to the store. If this is the case, then it wasn’t simply over DVD’s that he ended up as a batting practice candidate.

      If that is the case and CNN actually got a story correct, I do not believe it was a little extreme, he got of easy, and needed to be hit a couple more times.

  8. You know you’re in for trouble when you see a man with men’s underwear on his head to hide his face walk into Dollar General…

  9. “Oh my goodness!” I can’t wait til the Sweet Brown /Horatio mash up.

    Also: hit five times??? Was Jerome Ersland the security guard?

  10. I had a crook break into my home and I did the same thing..I served 3 years and now have a felony record. They wanted to give me 15 years. The crook sued for 80K and won.

      • Even hippy ass Colorado has the 3 second rule. Anyone dumb enough to walk into a house with bad intentions, knowing how many registered gun owners there are in this state, doesn’t deserve life. Shoot to kill. Better to be judged by 12 than carried out by 6, as they say.

  11. Everyone better buy up all the aluminum bats they can find before the government regulates them!

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