Peacefully grant the State of Oklahoma to withdraw from the USA and create its own In-N-Out Burger

9:00 AM EST on November 14, 2012

By now, you've probably received an email from your uncle in Watonga asking you to sign an online petition to have Oklahoma (or any state) go all South Carolina on everyone and secede from the Union. If you're like me and have a special Gmail folder set-up to ignore that uncle, the local and national media is doing their best to keep you informed.

From KFOR:

People from dozens of states, including Oklahoma, are continuing efforts to actually secede from the United States of America.
This anti-government movement is gaining steam, ironically, on the official White House website.
That’s where a number of petitions can be found, including those looking to take a few stars off the U.S. flag.
Should Oklahoma leave the U.S. and form its own government?
“I don’t think we should be our own country,” one voter said in downtown Oklahoma City.
“That sounds ridiculous,” another one said while laughing.
The thought might be a joke to some but it’s an actual effort on the White House website under the “We The People” section.
In fact, residents in more than half of the 50 states have started petitions to secede from the U.S., with Oklahoma right along with them.
The reasons include concerns about gun control, Obamacare and the economy.
If 25,000 signatures are collected within a month, the White House said they’ll consider the petition...

Wow. What a non-story that is. Maybe KFOR should go interview one of the biggest right-wing nuts in the state and give him some publicity related to this non-issue:

Sooner Tea Party organizer Al Gerhart said this anti-government sentiment started after Obama’s election four years ago.
“They’re afraid of Obamacare,” he said Tuesday. “Basically, creeping socialism with this federal government that’s telling Oklahomans what we can and can’t do.”
We found some Oklahomans who are not writing off the idea of seceding.
“I don’t like how welfare is set up,” one woman said. “I don’t like how you can have kids and they (federal government) pay for it.”
“Well if we did (secede), we would definitely be energy independent,” another person said.
Gov. Fallin said in a written statement Tuesday evening, “Oklahoma is not going to secede from the Union.”

If I haven't made this clear yet, here's one thing I don't understand: Why's this news?!? We can't "peacefully withdraw from the United States of America." It's impossible. This whole movement is nothing but a whine'fest created by a bunch of bitter, sore losing crybabies who can't get over the fact that they're extreme and archaic political views now put them in the minority in this country! The petitions should not be taken seriously.

Just look at how easy it is to create and sign a petition on the White House site. It's not hard at all. Any child, Nyquiled-out blogger, or half-drunk bitter tea partier with an email address and angry white friends can do it. If you need proof, here's a petition I made last night:

Peacefully grant the State of Oklahoma to withdraw from the United States of America and create its own In-N-Out Burger.
As the founding fathers of the United States of America made clear in the Declaration of Independence in 1776:
"When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation."
Oklahoma is one of 45 states without an In-N-Out burger. Since putting at least one In-N-Out burger in every state is not a priority of President Obama, let us peacefully withdraw from the US and solve this problem on our own.

If we're going to withdraw, we should at least do it for a cause that everyone can agree with.

Anyway, I would outline about 500 reasons why the petition to withdraw is such a bad idea (like you know, Oklahoma receiving more federal funds than we pay), but then I'd be giving these idiots the publicity and attention they don't deserve. Hell, I've kind of walked into that trap already. I feel like I'm holding on to a vine while sinking in tea party quicksand.

Also, that petition I created is totally real so please go sign it. It takes about one minute to register, and if we get enough signatures, maybe we'll get a bunch of unwarranted media coverage. You have to admit, that would be kind of cool. Please go sign it!