Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Tips for Bobbie Burbridge Lane’s “Senior Follies” auditions…

Good news everyone. The audition times for this year’s Senior Follies is quickly approaching. What are Senior Follies? I’m glad you asked, it’s the creation of everyone’s favorite anti-pornography Sports Animal advertiser that features people over the age of 55 singing and dancing. Why would anyone go see this? Because it raises money for Mobile Meals of OK County! That’s honestly the only reason.

Here’s a write-up from Oklahoma City Friday. Why would anyone read the Oklahoma City Friday? Because Friday is a good day of the week:

If you are at least 55, can sing and dance and want to help a great cause, organizers of the annual Senior Follies are hoping you will come audition for the next show.

Founder Bobbie Burbridge Lane said the Senior Follies will again help support Mobile Meals of OK County. Auditions are set for Saturday, Jan. 12, 2013,1-5 p.m. and Sunday, Jan. 13, 2013, 1-5 p.m., at Petree Auditorium, 1st Floor, Kirkpatrick Fine Arts Building, Oklahoma City University, 2501 North Blackwelder (Blackwelder & NW 25th St.).

Follies members are volunteer, not paid, Lane said. Organizers are seeking men and women singers, dancers, show girls, quartets, small bands and novelty, variety or specialty acts.
“This is a Ziegfeld Follies Type Revue with lavish production numbers,” Lane said.

An accompanist or CD player will be provided for auditions, if needed. Audition material should be no longer than 5 minutes.
If interested please contact Dr. David Herendeen at 208-5720 to schedule an audition time, Lane said.

If you are of the requisite age and feel like auditioning, I would like to give you some pointers to WOW the judges and cement your spot in this years Senior Follies.

1. Leave your adult diaper at home.

There is nothing more distracting than hearing the crinkling of a diaper in the middle of a  dance routine. I know you think others can’t hear it, but we totally can. Listen, if physical activity makes you occasionally pee or poop, maybe sit this one out.

2. Mind the colostomy bags

This is related to tip number 1. If you have to cart around a colostomy bag, it’s best if you do a monologue, or something where there isn’t a chance of it being knocked over.

3. Music selection

Dance to something from Lady Gaga or Justin Beiber. Better yet, be a hipster and dance to some Grimes. Judges love it when an old person does the same thing a young person does (see Betty White).

4. Wardrobe selection

Sequins, sequins, sequins! Or perhaps some cools shades and a backwards baseball cap, see above.

5. One-upping the competition

Don’t be afraid to outshine the competition. Walk into the auditions with a HurryCane and everyone will be green with envy. It stays upright, even when you’re not holding it! The judges will see this and wonder what kind of voo-doo witch doctor you are, and give you a spot in the show out of fear that you will curse their prostate.

6. Jane Jayroe is available

Former Miss America, Jane Jayroe, knows the ins-and-outs of pageantry. Don’t be afraid to ask her for help with your “talent.” Just make sure you don’t call when Monk is on, she loves Monk.

7. Edgar Cruz is going to be on the show, deal with it.

I know it’s not fair, but Edgar Cruz will be performing anyplace with people over the age of 55. Is he over 55? NO ONE KNOWS. But that doesn’t matter. He will be playing his 47 string guitar and you are going to LIKE it!

If you have any tips for Oklahoma’s second greatest generation, leave them in the comments or donate to Meal on Wheels. Follow me on Twitter @SpencerLenox.

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Comments

  1. A couple of more:

    If you are going to:
    Rap
    Sing
    Tell Jokes
    Laugh
    bascially ever open your mouth………..

    Double up on the poly grip! No one likes to watch you chase your teeth, unless it’s part of the act.

  2. Hasn’t anyone told BBL that singing and dancing are gateway activities leading to homosexuality, swinging, fetishism, and other types of sexual promiscuity? Ask Marv Albert if you don’t believe me.

  3. Or maybe just act your age, write a fucking check and spare us the old rich lady sorority “talent show” fundraiser bullshit….? Oops, I just can’t remember where I put my patience.

  4. I think she ripped off the idea from the Senior Follies in Palm Springs. I was forced to go with my grandparents and never saw so many old ladies with fake boobs in my life in one room.

  5. My Uncle Frank auditioned for the follies a couple of years ago and was turned down. Apparently his “specialty act” of making balloon animals with enormous genitals was deemed a little too racy for the bluehairs. Frank says occasionally, late at night, he gets drunk-dialed by Bobbie asking him to bring over a poodle and giraffe.

    • I”m not sure it was the balloon issues, sounds more like Uncle Frank was watching movies that exhibited poor morals, poor character, murder, sex and drug use. You should have gone through his backpack.

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