Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Dante’s Hot Girl of the Month: Ms. January

(Editor’s Note: This is a new feature Dante wanted to write. I guess you can’t blame him. Each month he’s going to “ogle” (ha ha!) a local hottie and then post pics of them we found on the internet. Oh yeah, he’ll write about them, too. Also, that’s a video from So6ix. I guess not everything they do soSux.)

Quote: “There comes a time in every young man’s life when he must inform his fellow men of the women that surround them.” – Jesus Christ, Matthew 7:8. Look it up.

My New Year’s Resolution is to win 2013 Wingman of The Year. Being that I’m graduating college soon and who knows where I could end up after that, maybe Heaven, I’ma just drop a monthly article about the best looking women I see around Oklahoma whilst I’m still here. And then it’s up to y’all to acquire them. I can’t do it all. Jonathan Moxon is only one man.

But right meow, in January of 2013, Morgan Woolard holds the crown. (Sidebar: Some woman just disagreed and don’t worry, you have 11 more opportunities and your time will come. Close sidebar.)’

When I first found out about Morgan Woolard, I was tweetin’ up a storm of fire jokes (follow me @Dante_Jordan) and some article written by some rando on some website snuck its way into my timeline. So of course, I clicked it, and when I saw Morgadocious I was like…yo? Then I immediately retweeted the article to spread the word to my disciples. And to complete the 3 point play, I floated a thirst drop through her mentions and when she tweeted young Dante The Wise (one of my many childhood nicknames) back, I was like..Yo.

Now peep game, cause game is to be peeped…Around my sophomore year I coined the phrase “Edibles” for beautiful women. Ask around. It was me. And if you throw it around in the right cafeteria, you might get yourself into a food fight. So it was only right to compare Ms. Woolard summamaifavritefoods. That was annoying, huh?

5. DQ Woolard

My nickels, the day I had my first Oreo McFlurry from McDowells I knew that fast food was the route to go for the rest of my life. But then..BUT THEN.. I had an Oreo Cookies Blizzard from Dairy Queen and I reacted it in the exactly like I did when I first saw that article; I looked up at God and said… “Our Father, which art in Heaven, have you been holding out on me?”

4. Bacon CheeseMorger from Braum’s

Look man, I don’t care what anyone says. No, I really don’t. The #2 1/3 LB Bacon Cheeseburger with no onions and a large fry with a large cherry limeade and make sure there’s ketchup and extra napkins in the bag, but also don’t forget my straw cause that’ll really piss me off from Braum’s is a gift from up above…especially when they get the order right. I mean that burger comes through for you rain, sleet, or snow, and I like it just like I like my edibles; in a messy bun.

3. Morgallini

A few of my other childhood nicknames: Like Mike, The Cynicist, LL DJ, but the one that really went viral amongst the community was Black Popeye. Let’s survey the room *looks are around* I think that’s a resounding yes on “It’s pretty obvious why they’d call him that.” So when I started stacking my dollars to the ceiling and taking women out for the fine Italian dining, I always go with Tortellini. There’s no corny pick-up line about that. I just like spinach and noodles. That shit’s good. Speaking of something relative: Here’s a YouTube video I made in the bathroom of my old house. It’s called “We Are DEFINITELY Dating If….” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i124ONz52Hw

2. Purple Perfect Morgarita

Lamborghini Mercy.

1. Morgaroni ‘N Cheese

Let me take a break from the funny funny haha shimmishimmiyaya and be absolutely 100% serious with everyone reading this. Macaroni ‘N Cheese is the single best meal on God’s Green (Red, Orange, Yellow, Blue, Indigo, Violet) Earth. Notice I said meal because IT IS NOT A SIDE DISH. I could eat Macaroni ‘N Cheese every single day of the week and be perfectly happy. Just…. like….

I think my work here is done.

Stay Black.

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Comments

  1. She’s not bad,
    that is if YOU LIKE your women to have a great body, great hair, gorgeous, looks great in a bikini.

  2. Does someone at TLO know her? She keeps appearing on here lol. Pretty yes but there are more hot girls in OK, try looking at Miss Universe participants or girls on Instagram lol ; )

  3. There is nothin natural about this girl Morgan. She’s had more Botox, plastic surgery, lip injections than any of us can count on two hands…. At 23 years old too…. Pitiful. I grew up around her and trust me her mom created a monster that will never get over losing the Miss USA pageant. Want to see someone naturally beautiful…. go take a look at Miss Universe! Now that’s a woman! This girl Morgan is way too thirsty for attention and has become the next Heidi Montag.

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