As The Lost Ogle’s resident stand-up comic, I like to keep my finger on the pulse of the newest and hippest jokes about Oklahoma. Reddit recently pointed me toward a webpage that had nothing but jokes about our great state! So in my post today, I would like to give you the best and worst jokes about Oklahoma and its universities, with my evaluations. ENJOY! THE BEST JOKES Q: How do you castrate an Oklahoma State Cowboys fan? A: Kick his sister in the mouth Fantastic joke, one of my favs when it was about Arkansas. But some comedic genius had the foresight to change the butt of the joke to OSU fans! It gets bonus points for being about oral sex and incest! – Q: If you have a car containing a Sooners wide receiver, a Sooners linebacker, and a Sooners defensive back, who is driving the car? A: The cop. BOOM! Take that Sooner fans! It’s funny because college football players get in trouble sometimes. No way could this joke be changed to a different school. – Q: How do you make University of Oklahoma cookies? A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours. Sure, this joke has been told a million times in a variety of ways, but it still made me smile. Why? Because other people’s pain is funny. – Q: How do they separate the men from the boys at Oklahoma? A: With a restraining order. Pedophilia, good job internet! Other acceptable answer includes, “With a crowbar.” – THE WORST JOKES Q: Why did Forrest Gump choose ‘Bama over Oklahoma? A: He wanted an academic challenge! This joke is lame, but it works in this instance because OU is a football program that is historically very good, you couldn’t make this joke about OSU or say, Kentucky. But it’s supposed to be funny because Forrest Gump is “not a smart man.” But it’s not funny because Alabama has never been known for its academia. – Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Oklahoma State University library? A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours. This is a crap joke, and here’s why: OSU doesn’t have an escalator in its library. Thirty students in the library? Gimme a break. – Q: What do you call an Oklahoma football player with a championship ring? A: A thief! Seriously, whomever changed this joke from whatever shit school was there before to Oklahoma, should know that OU has won 7 National Championships, clearly this should be changed to OSU or Tulsa. – Q: What is a Cowboys fan’s favorite whine? A: “We can’t beat the Sooners.” The humor is supposed to stem from the homonym, “whine” and “wine.” But when a joke that hinges on this is in written form, always go with misdirection. – Now, you’ve probably figured out that these are just old, recycled jokes that have been changed to make fun of Oklahoma and it’s universities; I would like to do the same with some of my favorite jokes. If you want to try this at home, all you have to do is find a joke about a group of people (Polish, Irish, German, White, Asian, Stay Black) and insert the school or state you want to be offended. Here are some examples: Q: What’s long and hard on a OSU football player? A: The 3rd grade. – Q: Why are a OU football player’s eyes always red after sex? A: Because of the mace. – Q: What’s the difference between an OSU grad and a pizza? A: A pizza can feed a family of four. – See, it’s so easy! If you would like to see some real comedy, Jarrod Harris and Ryan Singer will be in town tomorrow. They are performing stand-up comedy and filming a documentary about their “Organic Comedy Tour.” Tickets are available at OKCcomedy.com. And if you would like to follow me on Twitter, I’m @SpencerLenox.
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