Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

This may be the most annoying and ridiculous lost dog story of all time…

rowdy alchemist

The dog pictured above is my best friend Rowdy. I adopted Rowdy from an animal rescue in Prague about five years ago. He likes treats, playing with his toy hedgehog and helping me write bar trivia questions. His crowning achievement in life is either catching a mouse or defeating Linda Cavanaugh as an 8-seed in Ogle Madness V.

I posted that pic of Rowdy a few years ago in an effort to impress Liz Mean Dueweke. We had just learned that her Baby Gap polo wearing boyfriend “AJ” Mertz liked dogs and (allegedly) The Alchemist. I wanted to prove that I enjoyed the same things, and as an added bonus, was not a douche bag. Unfortunately, I didn’t know that MeanDueweke lacked a sense of humor and only associated herself with people who bathe her with praise and compliments, so my little ploy didn’t work.

Anyway, the reason I’m telling you all this is so you’ll know I’m a dog guy, and hopefully won’t criticize me too much for judging this crazy dog owner who called in a real-life pet detective to help her find a dog that’s been missing…for over a month. Via News 9:

A couple from California is desperate to find their lost dog that ran away in Oklahoma on Christmas Eve.

It’s been a month now, and Jackie Vestal continues to search for Maddox, her 7-year-old miniature pinscher. He was last seen at 11804 Camelot Drive in northwest Oklahoma City.

“He’s my best friend, he’s my whole world,” said Vestal. “I can’t leave without him. I’m not leaving without him.”

Vestal has decided to step up the search, calling on missing dog specialist Karin TarQwyn and her tracking dogs.

“Miniature Pinschers are very tough dogs, very tough,” said TarQwyn. “He’s traveled approximately eight miles from where he first began, following creeks and ditches and basically living on his own.”

TarQwyn and her dogs tracked Maddox’s scent a few weeks ago just west of Lake Hefner. Over the weekend, she returned and again, tracked his scent, this time north of Lake Hefner.

“They definitely can survive. Very rarely do they actually succumb to the elements,” said TarQwyn. “There is some concern for coyotes.”

This is why TarQwyn believes Maddox continues to wander, in order to not be a target for predators. She says the dog’s natural timid behavior is also keeping him in hiding.

Yeah, that’s not a joke. Someone really hired a Pet Detective from Nebraska to come to Oklahoma and search for a missing 12-pound lapdog. And know what else isn’t a joke? Channel 9 ran a feature story on the thing… and they took it seriously! They didn’t make any snarky Dan Marino or Miami Dolphin references or anything. They treated it as a legitimate news event, which is isn’t. Dogs go missing everyday, just because the owner has a major case of first-world problems and hired a freakin’ pet detective shouldn’t make it any more news worthy. And why hire a pet detective? That’s stupid. She should have hired a dog bounty hunter or put a $2,000 reward on the pup. I bet a redneck would have found Maddox in no time.

After I read the Channel 9 story I was going to ask if it was possible for our news media to be any more indulgent and platitudinous when it comes to animals. First KFOR runs an item about a dog being hit by a car, and now Channel 9 is throwing out stories about missing dogs and pet detectives. Before you know it, Channel 5 is going to replace Damon Lane with Magic the Storm Predicting Wonder Dog.

But I decided to avoid that angle because then I noticed a link to Maddox the Missing Pincher Facebook page. The page has nearly 1,000 likes and contains things like this:

pet maber alert

Here’s something from Wikipedia:

AMBER is officially a backronym for “America’s Missing: Broadcasting Emergency Response” but was originally named for Amber Hagerman, a 9-year-old child who was abducted and murdered in Arlington, Texas in 1996.

But yeah, let’s use the same terminology to alert people to a missing dog.

candle for maddox

Are we looking for a dog or a missing white girl? I’m confused.

maddox donation

You know that overused cliché “This is why the terrorists hate us?” Well, this is why the terrorists hate us. 92 people have “donated” a combined $2,600 to help some disconnected-with-reality dog owner find this animal. And that’s only the money raised through the FundRazr campaign. From what I gathered reading the Facebook Wall, other people have donated via Pay Pal. Meanwhile, poor old people eat dog food, families live on the streets, and dogs that we know are still alive are being euthanized in animal shelters. Ridiculous, huh?

Anyway, I feel sorry for Maddox’s owner. I hope Maddox is okay and found soon. Hell, maybe this post will help lead to his recovery, but calling in dog detectives and seeking nearly $3,000 donations from other people is selfish, callous and ridiculous. I’ve lost a dog, and it’s a terrible situation to go through, but you have to realize it’s not the worst thing that can happen to you and move on with life. As Spencer always said, you could be born with red hair.

Also, Rowdy may have to mysteriously disappear for a few weeks so I can raise money to launch a “rescue effort.”  Donate via PayPal to TheLostOgle@gmail.com.


  1. Wow channel 9. If he’s microchipped then why can’t they find him with that? Isn’t that what those things are for?? He must have also crossed the Lake Hefner parkway, then decided to go to Deer Creek?

    • Also, people in the comments on that facebook page are posting Bible verses as means of comforting the dog’s “mommy” Freaking nut jobs.

    • I’m not a veterinarian, but I have provided care for dogs, cats and a leopard gecko. The microchip would likely be used to identify the dog with a RFID reader. It sounds like you thought it would provide GPS data.

  2. You heartless, insensitive bastards! This is a wonderful story! It makes me feel good about people and animals. And having just came from Children’s Hospital Cancer ward, this is a story that should be on TV, the web and people should give these poor people money! It gives people hope and an opportunity to post things on Facebook. I’m one of those poor schmucks that can’t send them any money since I spent my little donation money to help buy a 13 yr. cancer victim a wig…….if only I had seen this first!

    Really? I can only predict in the very near future that the stories will evolve into a lost/injured pet, involving a storm shelter (won of course in a News9 promotion) and which resulted in heinous gay comments by Sally Kern, and discussions by Cockroft of forced government funding on private animal shelters.

    • Werd, Cap.

      I just got off of a double shift at the wild animal hospital feeding orphaned baby field rats with an eyedropper. I sat in front of the TV eating a veggie burger and had my heart warmed by the love shown in the story.

      Then I read Patrick’s column and feel disgust.

      Sounds like poor Rowdy has a mean dahdsy-wahdsy.

  3. UPDATE-To compete, Channel Five will be running a story tonight. The have an investigation into alleged government spending being used by a current but unnamed elected official, who allegedly hired a special investigator to find her daughter’s lost virginity………….it involves boats, girls in bikini tops and skirts, pink hair, a hot tub and lots and lots of photos. Stay with 5 Alive for a story you can only see on their station.

  4. The dog couldn’t have drown in Lake Hefner. There would have to be water in the lake for that to happen.

    My theory the dog saw the opportunity to get the &%#^ outta Dodge! I am sure the owner dresses the thing up in costumes and other humiliating attire. It’s probably chilling in Mexico with the Taco Bell Chihuahua.

  5. I actually got a recorded Canine Amber Alert by phone the other day about a dog missing in my neighborhood. It’s not just for people anymore.

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