Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Apparently, there are still people who don’t wear seat belts

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I like to think that I’m the sort of person who has a lot of common sense. I mean, I’m socially awkward and have very few friends and can offend most people with the greatest of ease. But when it comes to situations of a non-social nature, I think I’ve got my life together. I know that I need to finish all my homework before I go out and play, I know that I need to wash the dishes before they grow mold and start to smell funny, and I know that I shouldn’t make a dinner out of microwave popcorn, gummy bears, and Diet Coke. (But it’s a really good dinner, if you ask me.)

I know many things, because I’m an adult and a functioning human being, and I’m making my way in the world just fine. Basically, my existence is like the theme songs from The Mary Tyler Moore Show and Laverne and Shirley mashed up and mixed. But that’s what adult life is like for women. But there are some, apparently, that don’t have the same ease and way with life. Those are the sort of people who have to be reminded to wear a seat belt. Yep, that’s right. There are still people in this world that don’t wear a seat belt. And they should, if not to save their lives, but because OHP is cracking down. According to KFOR.com:

OKLAHOMA CITY – Starting Friday, officers will be out in full force in their latest crackdown, seat belts.

Motorists should be buckling up already but this “Get Your ‘Clicks’ on Route 66” 2013 campaign adds even more of an incentive.

Oklahoma is just one of eight states taking part in the 24-hour seat belt crackdown starting Feb. 1.

OHP Lt. Ben Crockett said, “Seat belts and child car seats are the best way to protect you and your family members in the event of a crash.”

The Route 66 enforcement effort began in 2010 with a handful of law enforcement agencies in central Oklahoma.

Highway Patrol Troopers and State Police Officers from California, Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Missouri, Kansas and Illinois now join with Oklahoma in this quarterly crackdown focusing on seat belt laws along the famed “Mother Road.”

“During the Route 66 crackdown, we’re out there to remind people that using a seat belt is not only a smart decision, it’s the law,” Crockett said.

According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, about 13,000 lives are saved across the country every year by seat belts and child restraints, and motorists are 75 percent less likely to be killed in rollover crashes if they are buckled up.

Now, I know we all know those sorts of people who will argue that seat belt laws are just another example of the government over stepping their boundaries. Or, those people who say that their life was saved because they didn’t wear a seat belt on one occasion, and now never do. But I think that we can all agree that both those kinds of people are just awful and nobody likes them.

And because I know there will still be people who want to break seat belt laws, I’ve made a list of other safety precautions they can ignore. If not wearing a seat belt saved your life once, imagine how much your life could be saved if you completely threw caution to the wind.

Here they are:

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Mix prescriptions

Sure, the doctor went to school for a long time, and so did the pharmacist. But if I know anything, it’s that Jenny McCarthy doesn’t believe in vaccinations because they cause various autism spectrum disorders. This seems like science, and she was pretty funny on MTV’s Singled Out, so her general disdain for medication could probably apply to other areas of medicine. So ignore those labels and see what sort of chemical cocktail you can make in your belly next time you take some Lortab, Xanax, and Wellbutrin. The only reason doctors and pharmacists tell you not to do it is so they can have all the fun.

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Max out all your credit cards and never pay your debts

You’re going to die some day (probably soon if you don’t wear a seat belt) and there is no need for you to waste money on things you don’t want. Bills are lame and boring, and you should totally spend all your money on the things you’ve always wanted, like air hockey tables and designer shoes. Live it up. As the kids these days are saying, YOLO.

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Anger Mike Morgan with your blog’s comment policy

We all know that Gary England is the weather deity in this state. But Mike Morgan is a level 80 mage with a plus 7 doppler radar and a paragon-level minion, Emily Sutton. Check your game manuals, guys, because there is no way that you’re rolling the dice and getting out of receiving damage. And when Mike Morgan gets angry on a blog, he may call you a wuss. Yeah, that’s right. He said it.

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Eat at the State Fair

I know we all love a corndog and fried cheese every now and again. But we have the State Fair photo contest for a reason. Not only is it a subtle form of bullying that shames fat people, drunks, and the more interesting sorts of folks that one normally only encounters in Noble, but it’s a cautionary tale. How long do you think it takes to get Type 2 Diabetes after you walk through those fair gates? It doesn’t matter. You don’t give a damn, you rebel!

That’s all I have to say, readers. Wear your seat belts. Also, listen to The Seatbelts.

 

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Comments

  1. With all due respect Marisa, I fcuking hate gauddanged seatbelts!

    Seatbelts are a court-mandated intrusion into a person’s personal space! Should we support legally mandated male/female chastity belts because they protect against unplanned prenancy and STDs? They are analogous in my opinion – uncomfortable but protective. If seatbelts protected OTHER people I’d see the point of the law. But since they only protect the wearer, people of the age of majority should be able to decide for themself.

    As for your list, as far as I know, a person doesn’t get a ticket for doing those bad ideas, so the apples/oranges thing applies.

  2. Honestly, at this point wearing a seat belt is old news. I say let those who wish to not wear them do just that. No fines, no tickets, etc….in fact, a monetary incentive should be introduced for those who refuse to wear them…so that the human race can begin the evolution process anew….without the 30% handicap recognized as the non-seat belt wearing illiterati….can we? Please?

  3. The only inspiration and motivation I need to wear a seatbealt is driving to work and back everyday. Considering that in the course of the majority of these trips I narrowly avoid an accident with some terrible Oklahoma driver, I’m quite happy to wear a seat belt.

  4. I wear mine. But a law shouldn’t be passed and enforced whether it be the seat belt law, drinking age, blood alcohol content, etc. just because the big fed is dangling the carrot that is federal money over the state’s collective heads. “enact and enforce this law for us or no money for you” If a private citizen were to do this, it would amount to extortion. Sure a seat belt can save lives, but curious to know what about the folks wearing their belts who say get trapped underwater and can’t get the belt undone? What about the folks who get plowed into by a semi or a train? I guess you could say if they are wearing their belts then it is easier for the paramedics to remove the bodies than go looking in a field for them right?

    • What is complete bullshit is that they keep harassing the same rural citizens, over and over again. Why don’t they do this shit on Classen Boulevard, or the Tulsa Beeline? Why do they keep fucking with Route 66 FOUR TIMES A YEAR? GO SOMEWHERE ELSE.

  5. You know, with everyone being all “Dey tyook ur guns!” I think seat belt laws are a bigger injustice. There is no statistic saying that not wearing a seat belt causes wrecks. It seems like a removal of my freedom from being happy while I drive. I can give you a statistic on my seat belt, 100% of people polled out of 1 says my seat belt is itchy and rides up almost choking me. The only reason OK started pushing is because our national DOT started to threaten removing funding if we didn’t. That seems sad. Threatening OK officials with not getting money is like telling a 130 lbs 10 year old they won’t get the KitKat in your pocket unless they do 20 jumping jacks in a suit made of tin foil under a spotlight and in front of epileptics. Sure, it gets the job done, but what about the freedoms of the prone to seize?

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