Despite being ranked the 6th most conservative in the union, Oklahoman’s like to have sex. From teen moms to anchor babies to good ole Baptists crapping out kids because the Lord said so, we love some sexual fun. Except, though, for oral. According to my wife, that crime is still on the books. Lucky for me, huh! Zing!
Anyway, the only problem we have is that sometimes the sexual fun goes too far, like when you hear some Sammy Hagar and suddenly feel the urge to pose for nude photos at a truck stop. Sometimes it gets the best of you and end up being arrested like these people:
A couple spotted taking naked photos of themselves at an Oklahoma City truck stop said they “were just having a little sexual fun,” according to a police report released Tuesday.
Marcia Gilbert, 60, and Jerry McNally, 56, both were arrested on complaints of public indecency.
A witness told police she saw two people taking naked pictures Jan. 21 in front of the tractor-trailers in the back lot of TA Truck Stop, 501 S Morgan Road.
A security guard had Gilbert and McNally in custody about midnight when police arrived at the truck stop, according to the report.
The security guard told police he saw Gilbert and McNally completely naked in McNally’s pickup.
Gilbert told police she was sorry. She said they had gone to a Sammy Hagar concert earlier and were just having a little sexual fun, according to the report.
The security guard signed citations against Gilbert and McNally, who were told to leave the property and not return, according to the report.
I’ve heard a lot of rumors about the disgusting things that go on at truck stops at night. In fact, someone told me that if you try doing anything sexual or fun at a truck stop after midnight, you get Meth Mouth. Ain’t nobody got time for Meth Mouth!
I can think of a few worse places than a truck stop to have some “sexual fun.” Off the top of my head I would say, Sally Kern’s husband’s church would be worse. But everyone knows you can’t get aroused within 50 yards of that place. Prison would also be somewhere toward the top of that list, but a truck stop is definitely in the top 5.
NewsOK didn’t post mugshots or photos, so we have no idea what the couple looks like, but we don’t need pictures to know they are unattractive. How do we know this? Duh, if it had been a Jon Hamm and Kate Upton taking nudes of themselves at a truck stop, even the most hardened Baptist preacher would have praised God for making such beautiful creatures in His image. Hell, a preacher probably would have used a moment like that teach his 20 year-old son about the birds and the bees. The point I’m making is that ugly people have it rough… and rightfully so, ugly people shouldn’t be taking nudes of themselves at truck stops, or anywhere for that matter. They should do what the rest of us ugly people do, and write for a blog. Then suppress their feelings of inadequacy with food and videogames.
If you will indulge me, I would like to write a short story about what led this couple to take nude photos of themselves – in the theme of 50 Shades of Grey:
“Sammy Hagar is so talented, Van Halen really went downhill after he left.” Marcia murmurs.
Jerry glances toward Marcia as he drives down the interstate, giving her a come-hither look.
“I mean, when they played that one song about Tequila and then followed it with that song about driving faster than 55, I got all tingly.” she murmurs.
Jerry, staring straight ahead, murmurs, “We’re stopping at the next truck stop to take sum nudie pictures.”
“Oh my!” Marcia murmurs. “How did I get so lucky to find the most romantic man in Oklahoma.”
Jerry smiles to himself, looks down at his Nokia 5500 cellular telephone and selects the camera setting.
Thanks for reading. If you want advice on ways to have “sexual fun” without getting in trouble, click here.
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