Before we get started, I should let you know that I am writing this post on Monday night trapped under 12-feet of snow, snacking on the corpses of my neighbors. I’m just kidding. I don’t live in Alva or Woodward. It’s cold and wet outside in northwest Oklahoma City and I’ll most likely have to go to work in the morning. I guess it’s good the weatherman all suck.
While watching the news coverage of yesterdays storms, I noticed one important thing. It’s boring. It lacks the urgency, anticipation and fear of spring severe weather coverage. Other than being over-hyped, and showing the occasional over-turned semi, it’s the complete and total opposite of spring coverage. Instead of twisters, David Payne chases sand trucks. Shots of funnel clouds are replaced with rulers in the ground; take cover in the hall closet is switched out with dress in layers, wear some gloves and play outside.
Since the winter weather coverage is boring — and these winter false alarms are becoming more common (for the metro, at least) — we’ve decided to list ten ways our media can make these snowpacalypse fails entertaining.
10. Show Jed Castles pictures of his wife.
This would heat things up.
9. Instead of ties, Mike Morgan wears bedazzled gowns.
They will be made by the same blind, armless children that make his ties!
8. Steve Shaw asks the women of Oklahoma how many inches they can handle.
Seriously, watch that clip. It’s entertaining enough as is.
7. Jeff George takes the cinnamon challenge before the 5-Day forecast.
It would be tough to tell though, because he always looks like he just took the cinnamon challenge.
6. Have Kelly Ogle and Amanda Taylor speak with an English accent.
And that’s my two cents, cheers!
5. Damon Lane regals us with stories of the Grand Tetons.
His bio says: Damon loves to snow ski, especially in The Grand Tetons of Wyoming. Don’t we all, Damon… Don’t we all.
4. John Slater can tell us interesting facts about how much the human head weighs.
Because he looks like the kid from Jerry McGuire.
3. Gary England does the Snoopy dance when trying to get Val on the phone.
If he won’t do that, he should at least prank call Val a few time on air.
2. Catch Dean Blevins making yellow snow.
He doesn’t have a problem peeing on air, might as well show us the fruits of his labor.
1. Scott Hines auditions for America’s Got Talent auditions.
That dude can dance!
Hope you are staying warm today. If any of you have the pull to make any of these things happen, it’s time to start pulling those strings!
Follow Spencer on Twitter, @SpencerLenox.
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