(Editor's Note: This gratuitous, yet charming, post was supposed to be published earlier in the month, but we have a very absent-minded editor here and it got skipped. Many apologies to Dante and Ms. February for the delay - Anonymous)
I started writing this article with perfect grammar for those who clearly don’t understand the sarcastic humor, but then I was like fuck that. I’m just gonna write exactly how I want to cause most of y’all don’t even have a college degree. I know that because in my Methods of Social Research class I learned in that only 20% of adults in Oklahoma have college degrees. So be thankful I’ma dumb this down for you. -
Speaking of college degrees from Oklahoma; my hot chick for the month is the OU twirler, Megan McGeary. Don’t like it? Think she’s already on the site too much? Leave a comment about it.
Here are some gratuitous pics of her:
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Why the OU Twirler you say? Umm…Cause she loves attention? Umm…Cause she’s an edible? Umm...Cause she can contort into a human swan while spinning a fiery stick? If that doesn’t impress you, don’t eat at Chick Fil-A.
But honestly, I saw her at one of the three OU basketball games I’ve attended since receiving my studentship and I was like… Who’s the sparkly ballerina? Then she whipped out Excalibur and did the most graceful prance routine I’ve seen since that one time at band camp. That’s when I knew if I ever caught her in normal person form, she was automatically getting the 5-Question-Test. I won’t explain what that is and I used dashes just to annoy you. But the unfortunate thing (for Megan) is that I’ve never seen her outside of a halftime performance so I never got to put that mac daddy pimp sauce on the lil’ chicken nugget.
You know what the makes her? Cinderella. And it’s a shame too, because we’re perfect for each other. I mean, we go together like peanut butter & jelly. Better yet, like chocolate & milkshake. How do I know this? My favorite online dating site; Twitter.
“Explain, Dante” – You
Well I just started following this little hellion about 17 days ago and from her Twitter tweets I can tell that she loves to complain just as much as me. That’s perfect; because a woman who complains a lot is a woman who knows what she wants.
So…I made a list of the 5 things we could complain about on our first date.
5. Instagram
I hope the sun never sets again. Daylight Saving Time.
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4. Homeless Shelters
If they’re sheltered, they aren’t homeless... They’re unemployed.
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3. Water
If water has no taste, why are there so many brands of it? Is Dasani even water?
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2. Gun Control
Why’s everyone so mad? It’s not like people don’t die from other things. Cancer doesn’t kill people, people kill people.
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1. People.
The worst kind of people are the ones that talk to you. It's like, I'm a super famous comedian and writer now. I'm sure she can relate.
Stay Black.
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