Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

The one where we cast Oklahoma celebrities as our favorite Game of Thrones characters…

Well, readers, it may be spring here in OKC, but winter is definitely coming. On March 31, my life will soon have meaning again. I’ve never been so glad about my parents paying for like 900 channels worth of nonsense as when HBO introduced the HBOGO app. With my mom’s password, I have access to a world of magic, intrigue, betrayal, and lots of boobs. If you haven’t caught on yet, readers, I’m talking about Game of Thrones.

Season 3 will begin at the end of this month, and we will all, once again, be enthralled by a fantasy world. Will Arya make it home? Will Theon Greyjoy quit being a jackwagon already? Will someone please beat the everloving hell out of Joffrey? Who knows! (If you’ve read the books and you spoil this for me, I will George R.R. Martin you so fast—that’s code for kill you off).

Anyway, in anticipation for Sunday’s premier, Patrick and I decided to come up with a list of Oklahoman’s we’d cast as some of our favorite Game of Thrones characters. Let’s begin with the good guys, or at least who we think are the good guys, the lovable Starks:

pioneer woman catelyn stark

Catelyn Stark / The Pioneer Woman

Who better to be wife and mother of the Stark clan than the Pioneer Woman? She has experience cooking, cleaning, ranching and home schooling her children all by herself…and with a little help of an army of servants, tutors and ghostwriters. - Marisa

Does this mean the Marlboro Man will get his head chopped off? - Patrick

emily sutton arya stark

Arya Stark / Young Emily Sutton

Emily is everyone’s favorite and can put up a mean fight when need be. – Marisa

Dreams do come true! – Patrick

abigail ogle sansa stark

Sansa Stark / Abigail Ogle

This girl wants for nothing more than to be queen of the local media. - Marisa

Sansa is one of the most annoying characters in Game of Thrones and Abigail is one of the most annoying people to follow on Twitter. Makes perfect sense. - Patrick

bran stark greyson chance

Bran Stark / Greyson Chance

Admit it. You’ve always kind of wanted to push Greyson Chance out of a window. – Patrick

jon snow damon lane

Jon Snow / Damon Lane

He is basically the bastard of local weatherman. - Marisa

theon grayjoy james harden

Theon Greyjoy / James Harden

We raised him only to see him betray us. - Marisa

Boooooooooo! - Patrick

That’s it for the Starks. Lets meet the Lannisters. The coolest and most likable bad guys ever.

cersie lannister christina fallin

king slayer price fallin

Cersei Lannister / Christina Fallin

Jaime Lannister / Price Fallin

They say Lannisters always pay their debts, and it’s no different with our Oklahoma Lannisters. They’re a rich bunch. Cersei and Jaime Lannister are a power couple, but also brother and sister. That’s why Christina Fallin and Price Fallin will be our incestuous duo. But don’t forget their heir. - Marisa

-

king joffrey ryan tate

King Joffrey Lannister / Ryan Tate

Though Christina may try to pass him off as a Baratheon, we all know our little Joffrey, as played by Ryan Tate, is full on Lannister. Seriously, who else in Oklahoma do people want to slap more than Ryan Tate? Like Joffrey, he was given his position by overindulgent parents that raised a real monster. - Marisa

Remember the scene in Season 2 where King Joffrey made that prostitute bludgeon the other prostitute to death? I can totally see Ryan Tate doing something like that. Of course, he’d pray with them first. - Patrick

tywin lannister patrick

Tyrion Lannister / Patrick

For this role, we need a smart ass Tyrion-type. Enter our Patrick. He may not be an imp, but he sure is a smart ass. Also, he kind of digs the whorehouses and adult video arcades. - Marisa

One, Al Eschbach would be too easy. Two, it’s my f*cking blog. If I want to be the cool midget, I get to be the cool midget. - Patrick

tywin lannister barry switzer

Lord Tywin / Barry Switzer

He’s old, immoral and kind of shady, but for some reason, we all kind of like him. - Patrick

Here are some other random characters:

dt joleen chaney

Daenerys Targaryen / Joleen Chaney

If you haven’t seen the show, Daenerys has a lot of nude secenes in the first season. - Patrick

Daenerys is young and beautiful, but smart and capable. She knows what she must do to claim her throne, and she’s the mother of dragons. And who in Oklahoma City claimed her throne better than Joleen Chaney when she came to the morning broadcast a couple of weeks ago? But who is her Dothraki warrior king? No, not her real beau. How about someone who wields one serious sword? - Marisa

count drago serge ibaka

Drago / Serge Ibaka

Yeah, I’m talking about Serge Ibaka. – Marisa

Oddly enough, Dothraki is one of the five languages that Serge can speak fluently. – Patrick

little finger mayor cornett

Little Finger / Mayor Mick Cornett

I’m not saying that Mayor Mick Cornett has a bunch of brothels around the city. I am, however, saying that he would make a great Littlefinger. And after our own little Battle of Blackwater, Ryan Tate would name Cornett the Lord of our own Harrenhal—the unfinished buildings on the Chesapeake campus. -Marisa

-

varys jim trbaer

Varys / Regular Jim Traber

Everyone’s favorite eunuch! And who has less balls than a man scared off Twitter by a wife and some catfishing fake account than Regular Jim Traber? - Marisa

He wouldn’t be able to show Mike Morgan his balls! On that note.- Patrick

wildling state fair1

Wildlings / State Fair Goers

– My other nomination for this category was Citizens of Noble. – Marisa

– If the State Fair Goers are the wildlings, what would that make the state fair employees? -Patrick

-

white walker greg zoobeck

Scary White Walker Dude / Greg Zoobeck

Dude is probably a zombie. - Marisa

I wonder if the White Walkers will have a trim your bush contest? -Patrick

On that note, we should probably finish this thing up. I can’t wait for Season 3 to begin. Don’t forget to set your DVRs or hack into your parents HBOGO app on Sunday night.

email

Comments

  1. wow, this was one of the best things you guys have done in a while. Also,

    King Joffrey has proclaimed that no pictures of Abigal Ogle shall be shown on this site again….that are from the neck up only

  2. […] TheLostOgle.com – And finally, by know you should know that everyone is getting jacked up for Game of Thrones Season 3 to start on Sunday. There is even a beer coming out that is officially licensed by  HBO! In the mean time, you should probably go read this article about Oklahoma folks as Game of Throne characters. […]

  3. C’mon, we all know Jim Traber should be the midget, and they will just use Lord of the Rings technology to make him appear smaller on camera.

  4. Good God, how nerdy is the lost ogle becoming? Does it stop at walking dead zombie plans for local celebrities and personality comparisons to a show, whose biggest contribution is a “prepare x is coming” meme? I’m not complaining that you guys like these things, just very odd to see them being fired off so quickly and rather out of the blue. I am going to go lay down and catch some z’s in my bed that is housed in a hollowed out raptor. Wake me up when you want to relate Kara Thrace’s role in the last season of BSG with the growing population of Starbucks on NW Expressway, and none (besides that awkward one at Midtown inside St Anthony’s) near Broadway and Robinson. Hopefully, we can discover the cylons at Tucker’s and have them invade Pizza 23.

Previous Post Ogle Madness VI: West Region, Sweet Sixteen
Next Post Friday night in the big town: H&8th Night Market, Easter eggs, and Jay Leno