Remember when the lovable and cuddly kangaroo Lucy Sparkles went missing outside Shawnee? If you thought that story was a roller-coaster of emotions, buckle up! There is another exotic pet from Shawnee that has gone missing. His name is Speedy:
A Shawnee family is desperately searching for their missing pet, a 25-pound tortoise.
The exotic reptile disappeared in June and the search is becoming exhausting.
Cassidy Graham said her tortoise Speedy loves people and craves attention.
“He likes to have his shell scratched,” Graham said. “He will actually dance back and forth. He’ll either move his bottom back and forth or he’ll stand up real tall on his front legs and move his front back and forth.”
“Speedy?” I get it. It’s like one of those names that’s the opposite of the animals characteristics. It’s like naming your dog, “Doctor Fluffypuss.” I mean, it’s cute, but we all know that dog didn’t go to medical school. Other examples include naming a pig “Un-tasty” or a cat “Obedient.”
The first question I have is how do you lose a tortoise? It’s kind of like losing your remote control. It can’t get very far. My second question is why do you own a free-range tortoise? How about a dog, cat or wild kangaroo? I know some people will say owning a strange pet is a Shawnee thing, but I grew up in the town and didn’t know anyone with exotic pets. Sure, there was a guy I knew who had rats, but it’s not an exotic pet if you can find it in a Mexican restaurant.
Anyway, Speedy’s irresponsible owner has a theory about how and why the tortoise disappeared. I wonder if it has anything to do with pizza and/or martial arts training:
Graham said she has a feeling Speedy is OK and senses he was probably searching for something specific.
“We think he’s looking for a girlfriend, which he’s unlikely to find in this area, that’s why we think he got the wandering bug,” Graham said.
The Grahams are offering a reward for anyone who finds Speedy.
Oh, so Speedy was just looking to get laid. If they knew he was horny, why not just import another tortoise? That way you’ll know his partner is clean and he won’t catch the “wandering” bug… which is a rare sexually transmitted disease in the Testudinidae family. Seriously, I kind of feel sorry for Speedy and can’t blame him for leaving. Let’s just hope he didn’t fall for one of Lance West’s plastic turtles laying in the middle of the road. That would be awkward and messy.
You can follow Spencer on Twitter: @SpencerLenox
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