If you would’ve asked me on Sunday what my favorite famous rock in the state of Oklahoma is, I would’ve said the Heavner Runestone. It’s a rock from the Vikings! Most likely, it’s the head of Thor’s Hammer! Or something! I don’t know. I didn’t really pay too much attention in Oklahoma History on the days when we weren’t watching the Rodger’s and Hammerstein musical or that OETA Oklahoma Passage miniseries thing. But basically, other than rose rocks, the Heavner Runestone is pretty much the only rock you associate with our state.
But all that has changed. Now, not just a rock, but pretty much a monument or statue sort of a thing has been found right here in the metro. According to KFOR.com:
OKLAHOMA CITY — Owners of Paseo Grill say a giant concrete monument mysteriously showed up on the front lawn of their restaurant. It weighs hundreds of pounds, and nobody knows where it came from or why it is there.
The Paseo District is home to many unique forms of art, but this new addition has not exactly had a warm welcome.
“Well, it’s not straight,” one Paseo District visitor said. “It’s not supposed to be there.”
The concrete pillar is rough in texture and appears to have been ripped from its foundation and somehow ended up in the front lawn.
“We came into work Friday morning, and we had this lovely concrete block out here,” Paseo Grill owner Lesley Rawlinson said.
The wording on the block is even more bizarre than its arrival.
“It says ‘In the year of our lord 2012 Creer Pipi claimed this land for azathoth,” Rawlinson said. “It’s kind of a problem that we’re stuck with, a very heavy problem.”
Rawlinson says she has contacted the Oklahoma City Police Department. The monument has not been reported stolen, and police say, unfortunately, the owners of the Paseo Grill are responsible for getting rid of it.
“What do we do with it and where do we take it?” Rawlinson said.
The owners of the restaurant want the real owner of the concrete block to claim it. Rawlinson says they will keep the monument for about a week before disposing of it.
Now, if you’re confused, remember that this is in the Paseo. So, just think about how stoned a lot of the patrons are in that area, and this monument showing up starts to make sense. This is almost as cool as the people who regularly steal the big blue hippo on Broadway in Edmond because I am fascinated by people pulling pranks with heavy stuff. Kudos to the folks that moved that big heavy thing and just left it there on a grassy patch!
Now, as for what it says. Who even really knows? A quick Google search let’s me know that “Azathoth” is a nerdy thing, but “azazoth” isn’t. As for Creer Pipi, congrats on claiming that land last year, dude. Also, dude, I like your name. This rock is even more confusing with what it’s trying to communicate than the supposed Viking runes down in Heavner.
I would like to formally offer a reward to anyone who can give us any information on the origin of this monument thing, or who the hell Creer Pipi is, or why ol’ Pipi would claim anything in the name of azazoth. In return for your information, you get to keep the monument! It seems like the folks over at Paseo Grill really want to get rid of it, and you totally deserve it if you can help us solve this mystery. I hope you have a few rather hearty friends, and you know a dude with a good truck, because you also get to move it. But just think of how great it’s going to look on your lawn or front porch. Bonus points if you move it down to Heavner and put it next to the other best stone thing in the state.
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