< Editor’s Note: To make this post comply with the high standards of a certain web behemoth’s moralistic ad robots, we’ve edited out certain words and replaced them with other words. I’ll let you figure out what. – Patrick >
I want everyone to know that I will never judge a person as an individual for what they’re interested in when it comes to sexy times. I mean, if I’m being completely honest, there is a special place in my fantasies for Al Pacino circa 1972, as well as Fred Durst circa 1998. And if that Durst affinity is any indicator, I’m no stranger to what can be referred to as “dirty.” So that’s why I feel like I’m the perfect person to tell you about what it is your fellow Okies are searching for when it comes to corn. Now, according to The Daily Dot:
Corn site CornDub released a boatload of visit duration and search keyword data last week, and the results are somewhat explicit. Among the information the site’s revealed, we’re now privy to each American state’s top three favorite corn-related search terms, as well as the average length of each state’s visit to the site.
The information reveals a few interesting trends—most notably, the unique interests belonging to certain states, like Kentucky’s love of hentai corn (usually Japanese anime), Wyoming’s fascination with smoking-related sex, and Nevada’s singular interest in a corn star named Janita Qeen. But the rest—Asians, teens, compilations, and a few other terms we probably shouldn’t mention—shouldn’t appear so surprising.
A Redditor took that data and made some pretty sweet infographics. And so, it is with great joy that I bring you the top the three CornHub search times for the great state of Oklahoma!
So yeah. That’s what your boyfriend is looking at when he’s “checking his fantasy football stats.” And if he’s sitting at his computer for just under eleven and a half minutes, that’s most likely what’s going on. Sure, women are using CornGrub too, but I’m pretty sure that not many of them are using those search terms. If you’re not familiar with some of these terms, don’t worry. You can find them on Wikipedia. But maybe don’t search for them on your work computer.
Now, some thoughts on your corn preferences:
I wasn’t surpised by the dreampie initially, because I thought it was a reference to everyone’s favorite Little Debbie treat. And who wouldn’t want to introduce that into their bedroom routine? But boy was I surprised to find out that it had nothing to do with cookies sandwiching some white filling. You guys are freaking gross. <editor’s note:=”" no,=”" you’re=”" gross=”">
Hen Tie is animated Japanese corn. For that to be the second highest search term, that means there have to be a lot of nerds on the internet. This is hardly incendiary, however, for a state that created Jessie Jaiyne, you’d think we’d be more into the real thing. I would think our football-obsessed state would be more into a cheerleader, or at least those same people that were in love with the OU twirler would search “baton” on CornGrub.
And as for your third favorite corn search term, it’s a good a thing that Oklahoma’s sodomy law was struck down by the U.S. Supreme Court on June 26, 2003. It’s clear that you still fetishize it a little bit though and that’s why you search for it so much.
And while we spend a lot of time in Oklahoma celebrating all the lists we end up on, this one is truly special. We have some of the longest visit durations to corn sites in the United States. That’s way better than being told how fat we are, right? I mean, this means we have healthy flexual appetites, right? Honestly, while I’m mildly stressed out about this information, at least you guys aren’t searching for teens.
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